FIL showing himself up - saddened by DH’s reaction

[SunnierDays21]

We are away with the family currently, DH’s parents have joined us (staying separately on the same site).

We’ve spent much of the afternoon in the on-site bar and DH and FIL were engrossed in the football results which were on the screen.

An advertisement came up for a women’s match tomorrow and DH asked FIL if he’d want to watch it. The conversation went something like this:

DH - fancy it tomorrow, Dad?
FIL - hahaha
DH - seriously
FIL - why would I spend my Sunday afternoon watching a bunch of fat lezza’s pretend to know how to play football?
DH - it’s come on quite a bit
FIL - do me a favour, I’ve seen women’s footballers and I’d not touch them with a barge pole
DH - alright, you have a point

Our daughter has been getting into football over the past few months and this was really disheartening to listen to. I have brought it up with DH and he says he agrees it was inappropriate but his Dad is of a different era and anything he’d tell him would fall on deaf ears.

AIBU to have expected DH to have said something in the moment?

@Hwi. I've always enjoyed playing football. At university, I played while.completing a degree in literature with a specialism in the Brontë sisters.

I'm happy in my job. But I'm neither a pro footballer or a poet.

It really is like you've just Just stepped out of the servants' quarters at the parsonage

All these silly wayward girls. Running amok with their daft and frivolous ideas!

All them needs do is make themselves good wives, in't it?

Football? For women? Boxing?

Not good wives

Won't be Alex Scott sweeping off the scullery stairs where they've fallen - carrying all the laundry while laden with child - now will it?

I think FIL was born in 1960. Not 1860!

I wouldn’t take any notice of @Hwi. I’m pretty sure they don’t encounter any actual people on a day to day basis.

Yes your husband shouldn't ha e agreed with him. And could have asked him questions like what has their sexual orientation got to do with it, what do you think about your granddaughter playing then etc. But pulling someone up in the moment is really hard, it's always easy to think what you would have said afterwards. Particulalry when you know you're not going to change their views, and there are other family dynamics at play etc

You were commenting negatively about the physical appearance of the players in the women's football team, so that poster has asked about your size/appearance.

Most people are saying that it's fine not to watch or enjoy women's football but OP's elderly FIL making crude and sexist comments about their size/appearance is not acceptable.

Lanzarotelady was commenting derogatively about the size and appearance of the women football players which is why the other poster called her out. It's unacceptable from OP's FIL and it's unacceptable from posters on this thread.

Why is a sport only worthwhile if it leads to a career?

I’m pretty certain schools do teach languages.

Each to their own, but I’m not about to tell my niece there’s no point her playing football because she can’t make money out of it and to tell her to stick to chess. I will be telling her to do what she enjoys.

I assume he knows your daughter plays?

When you’re next with your (sober) FIL I’d refer back to this occasion and gently ask how he’d feel if a drunk older man had said that about his granddaughter playing football?

@SunnierDays21 whilst yes, ideally your DH should have pulled him up in this I think you could also have said something, even just a “I hope that attitude will change if you plan to come and watch DGD at any of her matches?”.

I’m a Season Ticket Holder for Everton, so watch lots of live football regularly. I have also watched a number of the Everton Women’s games over the last few years. In my view, the standard of women’s football has definitely improved, but there is still a fair difference between men’s and women’s football. It isn’t sexist or misogynistic to acknowledge that, but FIL can do that without the awful name calling and false labelling.

You might want to get your FIL to watch this short video - could be the wake up call he needs:

Plus let’s not forget the Lionesses have achieved something their male counterparts have never managed - winning the Euros!

You nit the nail on the head. I identify more with the servants' quarters than with the upstairs, hence my distain for frivolity of any sort. It does not make my opinions any less valid. And yes, all of them need to make good wives - I think this is the only thing MN is about or am I mistaken? Unlike LinkedIn. What do you suggest they become? Professional footballers or boxers? Date of birth is immaterial - Lenin was born in 1870 and it was he who decriminalised homosexuality, promoted free love, did away with the official marriage for a time, and allowed abortions.

We don't know your background, maybe you are well-born. I am speaking from the position of a person whose dc will have to make their own way in life, hence kicking a ball is not an option for my dds.

What’s an almond mum?

You think servants and the servant classes disdained ‘frivolity’? I suggest you do a bit of reading.

And there’s absolutely no need for any woman to marry, far less live out someone else’s idea of what constitutes a ‘good wife’. Or for a child not to do well at school and university while playing football to a high level. I know a couple of women with sports scholarships to IS universities, one in football, one in rowing. Sport doesn’t rot your brain cells.

@Lanzarotelady

Women's football is dire.

Can you explain why you believe this to be the case?

Yes, servants' attitude to frivolity was markedly different from that of their masters. The amoral rot, decadence, debauchery always started upstairs, from lack of meaningful work, from laziness and emphaloscepsis. Yes, I did an awful lot of reading on the subject. Nowhere did I say sport is not good for women - sport is brilliant for women, only not men's disciplines. Rowing is fantastic for women - yes, you can get the occasional smack in the chops, but it is not boxing.

What is “virtue signalling”?

I have just noted they have a pretty intense history of misogyny across all their posts - so I will take your advice!

Not fit!! Christ have you actually watched the lionesses charging up and down the pitch for 90 minutes … I bet you couldn’t do that for 10 min!

The standard is akin to Sunday league.

Put any Sunday league team up against them and they would loose.

The issue is not about me, my size, my fitness, my ability to play football.

Both my DDs played football for a local team for years, and all the dads and a lot of grandads fully supported them. Never heard any views like the OPs FIL.

I watched a lot of the ladies euros in a very working class south London pub full of men and, again, never heard any negative comments. They were all behind our brilliant lionesses 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿⚽️.

"I’ve seen women’s footballers and I’d not touch them with a barge pole" so he must prefer the beautiful men playing football instead? It's nice he can be so open with his son.

Women’s football is something I would never watch except for World Cups or Euros. Just not interested. ‘FIL’? No amount of lecturing will change him but I would say‘Don’t talk daft’ or similar.

Fathers and Grandads supporting daughters and grandchildren, now how many of them would be there if it wasn't for that connection - honestly how many?

Genuine question - do you watch men’s professional football regularly or have you got any professional coaching badges etc?

And how many call them Fat Lezzas?

You can’t compare the two. Womens football is lower quality and that’s just a fact