Page 10 | FIL showing himself up - saddened by DH’s reaction

SunnierDays21 · 2025-04-12T17:22:25+00:00

We are away with the family currently, DH’s parents have joined us (staying separately on the same site). We’ve spent much of the afternoon in the on-site bar and DH and FIL were engrossed in the football results which were on the screen. An advertisement came up for a women’s match tomorrow and DH asked FIL if he’d want to watch it. The conversation went something like this: DH - fancy it tomorrow, Dad? FIL - hahaha DH - seriously FIL - why would I spend my Sunday afternoon watching a bunch of fat lezza’s pretend to know how to play football? DH - it’s come on quite a bit FIL - do me a favour, I’ve seen women’s footballers and I’d not touch them with a barge pole DH - alright, you have a point Our daughter has been getting into football over the past few months and this was really disheartening to listen to. I have brought it up with DH and he says he agrees it was inappropriate but his Dad is of a different era and anything he’d tell him would fall on deaf ears. AIBU to have expected DH to have said something in the moment?

Hwi · 13/04/2025 17:18

Lanzarotelady · 13/04/2025 16:50

Why do men and women have separate categories in sporting events?

That alone should answer your question about the difference in male and female football.

You know, I don't care about football at all, I think it is a perfectly dumb game for both men and women, but what makes me angry and embarrassed and hateful of men (yes, I admit it) is that they wipe the floor with us in chess. And no amount of equal access to coaching (the USSR and Socialist block countries created hothouses for female chess players), no amount of funding, etc. seems to be able to change that. I would absolutely love women to trash men at chess, this is the only male sport that I would love to see women reigning in, against men. Ball-kicking or getting hernias with weightlifting I just don't care about.

ASimpleLampoon · 13/04/2025 17:30

Get your DD to kick football's at grandad's head

JHound · 13/04/2025 17:56

That said your FIL is a misogynist. I cannot imagine having a misogynist FIL but if I did I would reduce the time myself and my kids spent around him.

FrippEnos · 13/04/2025 17:56

Lanzarotelady · 13/04/2025 13:24

The standard is akin to Sunday league.

Put any Sunday league team up against them and they would loose.

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but that isn't about skill or fitness, that is about the difference between males and females.

Lanzarotelady · 13/04/2025 18:04

Hwi · 13/04/2025 17:18

You know, I don't care about football at all, I think it is a perfectly dumb game for both men and women, but what makes me angry and embarrassed and hateful of men (yes, I admit it) is that they wipe the floor with us in chess. And no amount of equal access to coaching (the USSR and Socialist block countries created hothouses for female chess players), no amount of funding, etc. seems to be able to change that. I would absolutely love women to trash men at chess, this is the only male sport that I would love to see women reigning in, against men. Ball-kicking or getting hernias with weightlifting I just don't care about.

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So what does it come down to, why do you think a woman cannot win against a man in chess? Its not physical, so I am genuinely interested in knowing why.
It isn't something I have ever thought about if I am honest.

FrippEnos · 13/04/2025 18:31

Lanzarotelady · 13/04/2025 18:04

So what does it come down to, why do you think a woman cannot win against a man in chess? Its not physical, so I am genuinely interested in knowing why.
It isn't something I have ever thought about if I am honest.

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Women have won against men is chess, there are 42 female grandmasters.
But much like football chess has been male dominated for years.
The generally held belief is because males have more options to play than females do.

Going back to football, the women's game was banned for many years. That alone will put them and their football association back many years.
Then there is also the current question that surrounds the kit that is used.
as an example there is currently research into football boots for females due to the abnormally high percentage of ACL injuries.

CarpetKnees · 13/04/2025 21:17

Hwi · 13/04/2025 17:18

You know, I don't care about football at all, I think it is a perfectly dumb game for both men and women, but what makes me angry and embarrassed and hateful of men (yes, I admit it) is that they wipe the floor with us in chess. And no amount of equal access to coaching (the USSR and Socialist block countries created hothouses for female chess players), no amount of funding, etc. seems to be able to change that. I would absolutely love women to trash men at chess, this is the only male sport that I would love to see women reigning in, against men. Ball-kicking or getting hernias with weightlifting I just don't care about.

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What has this got to do with this thread ?

You sound bitter and confused.
This discussion is about the OP's FiL being misogynist, homophobic, and crude, and neither her or her dh challenging it.
It has nothing to do with chess, or your rather odd opinions about sport.

PrincessSophieFrederike · 07/10/2025 17:13

Hwi · 13/04/2025 12:21

You nit the nail on the head. I identify more with the servants' quarters than with the upstairs, hence my distain for frivolity of any sort. It does not make my opinions any less valid. And yes, all of them need to make good wives - I think this is the only thing MN is about or am I mistaken? Unlike LinkedIn. What do you suggest they become? Professional footballers or boxers? Date of birth is immaterial - Lenin was born in 1870 and it was he who decriminalised homosexuality, promoted free love, did away with the official marriage for a time, and allowed abortions.

We don't know your background, maybe you are well-born. I am speaking from the position of a person whose dc will have to make their own way in life, hence kicking a ball is not an option for my dds.

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I know this is an old thread, but what an odd comment. As to the 'good wives' comment : I assume you mean that doing a 'masculine' sport like football puts men off women? True for some men, though plenty of women in such sports are married to men.

And obviously your daughters can't be 100% guaranteed to grow up to be straight.

Strange also to say MN is 'only' about being a good wife. Ofc plenty of threads here are about marriage, but many posters are single and plenty are in relationships/marriages with women.

PrincessSophieFrederike · 07/10/2025 17:16

Hwi · 13/04/2025 11:47

That is why I am saying virtue signalling is not compulsory and neither is insulting Lanzarotelady is compulsory. Or is it only the FIL who is not allowed to call people fat?

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Why is it 'virtue signalling' to disagree with insulting people for being lesbians?

PrincessSophieFrederike · 07/10/2025 17:20

Lanzarotelady · 13/04/2025 09:08

Womens football is dire!
A lot of them are quite chunky, they aren't fit ( athletically ) as the man, they cannot kick and the game is just boring.
It never will be as mainstream as the mens.
No wonder your FIL doesn't want to watch it, I don't know any man who will watch it voluntarily

Do you really think these women are 'chunky' and 'fat'?

Maybe I'm short-sighted, but I can't see it...🤔

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-48801235

Women's World Cup 2019: Mapping England's Lionesses squad

The 23 players in Phil Neville's squad include 16 linked to the north and just three from the south.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-48801235

PrincessSophieFrederike · 07/10/2025 17:23

Lanzarotelady · 13/04/2025 11:47

You are commenting on my size, have you ever seen me, do you know what dress size I am?? No.

You are commentating on my sporting ability. Have you ever seen me play any sport?? No.

My ability to play or not play football is not in question here, the fact remains, his language may not have been the best, but for Gods sake does anyone here actually go to pubs or work nowadays and listen to conversations??

Women's football is dire.

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So you think bc in your view, insulting women (who aren't even fat!) as 'fat lezzas' is standard on workplaces & pubs, we should accept that?

People CAN critique a sport politely.

PrincessSophieFrederike · 07/10/2025 17:25

Hwi · 12/04/2025 23:46

Any meaningless activity (sport, ballet) are mostly watched for the visual pleasure, not intellectual stimulation, so I only watch those sports which I find pleasing - i.e. I find the participants attractive. Not so with intellectual offerings - opera, plays, films - I am not for obvious reasons concerned with the appearance, only the substance.

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So you don't watch male sportspeople unless you think they're handsome? Fair enough, I guess! 🤣

PrincessSophieFrederike · 07/10/2025 17:29

Hwi · 12/04/2025 19:24

Your FIL is entitled to his opinion. Some sports are not for women, some sports are not for men. Surely those who have eyes, will see it. I was in a local branch of NatWest the other day and they ran adverts of an obese Olympic female athlete weightlifting, GB team. As a woman, I wanted to hug that poor lady and cry and tell her - think of uterine prolapse and hernias!
Equally, I was horrified when I saw male rhythmic gymnastics competitions - they looked as if they were taking the piss of this beautiful discipline.
Horses for courses, as the saying goes.

Incidentally, Japan has rhythmic for both men & women, and it isn't a big deal to them, though the men's moves have some differences.

https://apnews.com/article/2020-tokyo-olympics-gymnastics-entertainment-sports-lifestyle-abeb9ae89ceccd0f95728c07846310e6

Male rhythmic gymnasts perform before the women's rhythmic gymnastics individual all-around final at the 2020 Summer Olympics, Saturday, Aug. 7, 2021, in Tokyo, Japan. (AP Photo/Ashley Landis)

Left out of Olympics, men's rhythmic gymnasts loved in Japan

TOKYO (AP) — In the suburbs of Tokyo, Hiromi Matsumoto found herself falling in love with online videos of rhythmic gymnastics — a spectacular swirl of ballet and acrobatics, clubs soaring through the air, bodies contorting into superhuman bends.

https://apnews.com/article/2020-tokyo-olympics-gymnastics-entertainment-sports-lifestyle-abeb9ae89ceccd0f95728c07846310e6