FIL showing himself up - saddened by DH’s reaction

[SunnierDays21]

We are away with the family currently, DH’s parents have joined us (staying separately on the same site).

We’ve spent much of the afternoon in the on-site bar and DH and FIL were engrossed in the football results which were on the screen.

An advertisement came up for a women’s match tomorrow and DH asked FIL if he’d want to watch it. The conversation went something like this:

DH - fancy it tomorrow, Dad?
FIL - hahaha
DH - seriously
FIL - why would I spend my Sunday afternoon watching a bunch of fat lezza’s pretend to know how to play football?
DH - it’s come on quite a bit
FIL - do me a favour, I’ve seen women’s footballers and I’d not touch them with a barge pole
DH - alright, you have a point

Our daughter has been getting into football over the past few months and this was really disheartening to listen to. I have brought it up with DH and he says he agrees it was inappropriate but his Dad is of a different era and anything he’d tell him would fall on deaf ears.

AIBU to have expected DH to have said something in the moment?

So does he only watch mens' football because he WOULD touch them with a bargepole? Is it sexual for him? If not, why is it for the women's football? What an idiot

No YANBU - my DH has often let his own dad say things in the past that have been appalling in relation to women and I have had to challenge him.

Nothing as bad as what your FIL said but views that indicate that he thinks women are less capable.

My DH says there is no point, his dad won’t change etc. but no way will I allow my daughters to hear anything that makes them think men are better than them.

theres a difference btween not challenging him and saying youve got a point

he should have said so your gd is going to be a fat lesbian footballer is she

Tbh, only because the competition is poor. Unfortunately many womens football teams are not good, so obviously this means that the few that are pretty much win every time. Not saying everyone will find womens football dire, but I do.

What I’ve learnt from this thread…

Holiday Checklist:

Bikini ✅
Sarong ✅
Flip Flops ✅
Shampoo ✅
Toothbrush ✅
Conditioner ✅
Sunscreen ✅
Feminist Views ❎

I get wanting to avoid a fight so not challenging his dad. I don’t get agreeing with him in the end.

Statistically speaking, the England women’s team are much more successful than the men’s team.

I’d be asking FIL if he just prefers to support losers.

😂😂😂

This makes no sense. They play against the best women’s teams just as how the men play against the best men.

Yes ,some posters seem to believe that a man in his 60s would typically share the views of the FIL based on his age. That’s ageism.

So heartened to hear my rugby mad brother in law and his 11 year old son have a serious in depth conversation about rugby but about the women’s team. “Did you hear x is stepping down as coach?”. “ I know his wife’s in the team but think she’ll stay on she’s been doing really well this season. they’ll just have to replace x as manager he’s gone as far as he can with them “ and so on and on. No differentiation that it was the women’s team they were talking about. Love my BIL he has girls too and knows what he’s doing,

What are you on about?

Yes you are being unreasonable. Perhaps you could have responded as you heard what was said.

He didn't to say that his dad had a point

He could have just left it

So you can only watch womens football if they're not lesbians or fat and they must be sexy and slutty that he can touch with or without a barge pole. Yeah sounds awesome.

IF this actually happened (someone in his 60s grew up at a time when this was not acceptable behaviour) then your DH was a dick for agreeing with him.

He didn't have to be quite so offensive with his 'opinion' though did he?

My dads 78 and will watch women’s football there’s no excuse for that type of misogyny and men who collude in it are no better

To those asking why I didn’t challenge him. A few reasons, but mainly because he needs to hear it from a male. He has made minor sexist remarks in the past, and is used to his wife picking up all cooking, cleaning etc (DH doesn’t approve of this, and luckily this attitude hasn’t transferred to him and he more than pulls his weight).

But there’s a pretty big difference between the best mens teams and the best womens teams. As said, it’s just my opinion. I’ve tried watching womens matches, but it just seems so clumsy and boring. Obviously others might disagree and love it.

Agreed. Depressing reading. Me and dh are 60 and if we spoke/thought like that we would be out of a job.
Disgusting misogyny. Your poor daughter.

He did challenge it by saying women's football had come on recently. Doesn't sound like his dad is going to listen to him on the subject though

There's a time to have a feminist view and on holiday where the drinks are flowing is not the right time IMO. Will only lead to a difficult atmosphere. Neither of them were personally insulting to you or your footballing daughter.

The time to challenge misogynistic views and homophobia is whenever you hear it. If that happens to be on holiday, then that is the time.
What message does it send just sitting there and accepting it ?
Even worse, what message does it send that the OP's dh agreed with it ?

All the (hardly ancient) FiL had to say is "not for me, I'm not interested".

Not sure how your dh is excusing him because "he is from a different generation". I'm in my 60s and would challenge that all day long - as would my dh, and as would my parents have done (would be in their mid 90s if they were still alive). "Another generation" isn't the issue - him being a rude, ignorant homophobe and misogynist is the issue here.

If him being called out on that meant I ended up seeing him less, then that would not be a bad thing.
I would also hope to set an example to my dc that any discriminatory language should be challenged. Always. Anywhere.

Surely your husband knew what his dad's views were on women's sports before mentioning it.

But the women are playing the women.

So to say the women have won more because the women’s teams are “rubbish” compared to the men makes no sense. They are still playing among the elite in their category same as the men do.

The women are just immensely more successful. The men have been catching up though.