Adult DC not allowed by parents to go on holiday

[goosemoosebooth]

The situation is an adult in their 20’s, graduated from uni but working in a minimum wage job while they try to find their first graduate job. Parents have allowed their DC to not pay any board until they get their full time graduate job as DS is only on minimum wage.

However, DC is not allowed to go a holiday abroad as part of this agreement as that is a waste of money that they should not be spending when working only minimum wage job.

What are your thoughts?

It would depend what was said at original agreement. Eg. ok, I won't charge you rent for 1 year on agreement you save almost every penny you have to get a deposit to buy a flat. Or I won't charge you rent for a year you'll be able to save more.

Parents are control freaks, graduate needs to move out asap

They are being controlled, the 20s is the time to travel. However the lessen is that nothing comes without a cost. The parents are offering free board but actually there is a price.

Are you coming back @goosemoosebooth?

Spending money on a holiday while you are underemployed and being subsidized by someone else would make the child a massive CF. Every bit of money should be going to savings and time should be spent job hunting. I’d be horribly disappointed in my young adult child for thinking a holiday was appropriate in that situation.

If they don’t want to take advantage of the opportunity of living rent free then they should move out and try to survive on minimum wage. I’m sure that will free up plenty of money for holidays.

See I don't agree. An independent adult can do what they like, but clearly one who is dependent on their parents good will can't. Or the goodwill might disappear.

They’re only going to be this young and free once, let them have a holiday!

but also I’m not sure what you mean by not allowed, how are you going to stop them? Do you mean if they do you will kick them out?

I can see both sides. They’re an adult but if I’m subsidising someone, so they are in a good position to get some money behind them etc, and then they spend £000s of that money on a holiday I think it would be a bit galling.

But then again, you’re only young once and you might be waiting a long time so why should your life be put on hold.

I guess it depends on the situation. Are parents expecting the AC to save up, or are they just controlling and don’t see that as a worthy thing to spend money on, but if you were spending the same amount on something they think is worth it, they’d think that was ok. If it’s meant to be a moving out fund then I back the parents

A weird set up, it would be better if adult DC paid some ‘rent’, say a few hundred per month and then spend their one how they choose. That’s how it’s done in my family, as long as my DC save they can do what they want with their money.

Sounds like parents should up the rent but then be less controlling.

If they don't like it, presumably they're welcome to:

• Move out
• Start paying their way
• Travel within the UK with the money they're not using to either move out or pay their way

Foreign travel isn't a human right, they're not exactly suffering - they have options and can choose to agree or not.

It’s insane the levels of infantilisation that the idea of it being normal to live with family and ‘save for a deposit’ well into adulthood.

No that isn't quite true. The parents are subsidising their basic needs such as food and roof over their heads. So they shouldn't spending on luxuries such as holidays. If they cant afford board and lodgings then they can't afford holidays.

What are your thoughts on, OP?

Sounds a bit like the kind of question the journalists who occasionally pop up on MN ask.

I’d suggest parents take ‘rent’ and set it aside for a future deposit or whatever they feel appropriate, if they are concerned about DC wasting money while living rent free. You can’t dictate how an adult spends their wages but if you are allowing them to live rent free I can understand a certain amount of frustration if the spare money just seems to be getting frittered away.

It’s pretty rubbish and I don’t really agree with the rule but equally if you live with parents rent free adult or not you follow the rules. If you want to do your own thing then offer rent or move out and have as much freedom as you want

20s isn't specific enough. 29 and sat on his arse rent free for 5 years instead of getting a proper job and moving out, I could absolutely understand the parents point of view. Fresh out of education, I'd have a different opinion.

I am soon to have two in the same boat. Another has just moved out having lived at home to save the deposit for a house. I can see both povs, but as someone who loves holidays myself, so long as they could pay for it all out of their wages, I'd be ok with it.

Eldest has actually been away a number of times while living under our roof and it didn't occur to me to object. I was with her on a couple of them and she visited friends from her uni city, plus her sibling who was living abroad twice. They were on a professional salary. Not sure the NMW makes that much of a difference to this situation? I don't think they're badly off on it when they don't have to pay bed and board!

Mine would just have gone anyway - they wouldn't have been asking for my opinion!

In my next life, I will be charging rent!!!

Travel is a valid life experience, depending on the travel.

What are the dcs plans for life? Bum around at mum and dads forever or saving to move out, studying etc? If they look like they are coasting bankrilled by mum and dad then I can see the parents point to try and encourage them to move on with something productive rather than blow money on a week in magaluf. But what if the holiday abroad was something more enlightening, like volunteering or doing a trek? Surely this could be encouraged as it might help with direction.

If the alternative is the adult DC going on holiday while mum and dad take no rent then they would be subsidising adult DC s lifestyle which isn’t fair at all.

If I were the adult DC I wouldn’t like that arrangement - better to pay rent and have freedom instead.

But then I never had the choice - my mum said if I moved back in after uni I would have to pay rent - unlike my peers and their parents. To which my response was “no thanks”

I decided I would rather just rent in a house share and do as I pleased which solved the problem.

Don’t some graduate jobs pay minimum wage?

I would like to understand the background here. Have parents financially supported DC through uni only for them to decide they’d rather work part time in a coffee shop? And can’t afford rent.

Or has DC applied to lots of jobs and been unsuccessful but is working full time whilst continuing to look elsewhere?

I don’t think parents can tell adult DC what to do, but depending on the circumstances they might feel aggrieved if DC is spending and not trying to change things.

Do you have a better idea? Have you any understanding of the difficult realities of buying a house?!

"Infantilisation", my arse!

It's pretty normal where I am.

I can’t imagine ever charging my child rent. 3 adults in a house doesn’t cost that much more than 2.

I would also encourage her to travel.. new experiences are invaluable.

The parents in this case seem really controlling.

The young adult should pay some rent and live life as they please.

So many twentysomethings are infantilised like this. It’s ridiculous.

Were you able to save a house deposit while paying rent?

You're subsidising your adult child anyway if you have them living in your house, probably even if they are paying rent because it may well not cover costs!