To expect my DD will try drugs?

[Roxietrees]

Not really an AIBU question but didn’t know where else to put it. Was just reading another thread and it got me thinking (maybe MN isn’t the best test group for this question but we’ll see!) I feel like back in the day on crime drama type tv shows where some young person goes missing the parents would always say to the police “no our son/daughter would never touch drugs, not in a million years, they’re not like that” or whatever. But these days you don’t get those kind of lines in the same types of tv shows (not that I’ve seen anyway, I might be wrong) and I’m wondering whether that’s because the attitude around drugs has shifted and it’s become more socially acceptable than it was early late 90s/early 2000s? I did a load of drugs in my teens and early 20s (early 2000s) so did almost everyone I know, and we’re all pretty normal, well-adjusted, successful people. My DD is still very young but I fully expect her to experiment with drugs as a teenager, I feel like it’s a right of passage. I just want to educate her about the dangers and discourage her but at the end of the day she’s going to make her own mind up. I’m just wondering if other people expect that their kids will try drugs or do you feel certain they won’t? If so why?

Never did drugs as a teenager, knew the odd couple of people who did but it didn’t interest me.

I have a teen and am 99% sure they wouldn’t touch drugs. We have had the talks about them etc but I just can’t see them trying them, they have already distanced themselves from their friends who have started vaping so would imagine it would be the same for drugs.

Maybe we’re from different worlds but it was a rite of passage when I was growing up and amongst everyone I knew. It’s not like I’m going to encourage my DD to do drugs! I’m going to actively discourage her, but through education and support, so that she has the right knowledge and understanding to make sensible choices. Yes, the most sensible choice would be not to do them at all, but as you guessed I would say, and you’re right - that just isn’t realistic. As parents we can’t control every decision our child makes, nor can we monitor them 24/7 when they get to 15/16. She may be in situations where she (as many kids do, no matter what their parents have tried to teach them) decides to experiment with drugs, and I’m “not taking the chance” of her doing that in a situation where she is completely uneducated about different kinds of drugs, how dangerous some are compared to others, how they might make her feel, how to recognise a bad reaction, how long some drugs take to work (so as to avoid taking more when she thinks they’re having no effect, rather than knowing the right amount of time to wait etc). It’s just common sense and IMO should be like teaching how to be safe in any other area of life. I wouldn’t want her to get the impression that I assume she will do drugs, I will completely discourage the use of them but will tell her that I think it’s important every young person understands safety around drug use, including her, and that the best way to stay safe is to not use them at all, but by just saying that and leaving it there I feel that I would be letting her down but not giving her the facts that, hopefully she won’t need, but if she does then at least she has them. I think it’s important every young person has realistic education around drugs, not just for themselves but maybe to help a friend who is in trouble. The more they understand about it the better. Just saying don’t do it without educating them is like those homophobes who argue same sex education shouldn’t be taught in schools in case it “turns their kid gay”. Having an education around it isn’t going to make them more or less likely to do it. They’re either going to do it or they’re not

Also some drugs have done me harm in the past. I intend to be fully open with my DD when it’s age-appropriate and highlight the dangers of different drugs

Wow i'm shocked by the almost 60% unreasonable. 🤣I'm telling you OP all those people's 'perfect' kids are getting high. You know it and I know it. Everyone I know has tried drugs. Some were on it all weekend every wkd, some just tried it a few times and some were selling as a side hustle and got addicted. In the end we've all turned out as respectable adults with respectable jobs and families. I fully expect my DC to try it but like you I will be educating them when the time comes. They are primary age at the moment.
I do not regret one second of my hedonistic youth. YOLO😁

Everyone took drugs? You knew no-one at all who didn't?

The problem on this thread is that everyone who did drugs thinks that everyone did or still does drugs. I wasn't into drugs. I knew people who did, but it wasn't everyone I knew.

@DollydaydreamTheThird what you state is simply not true though https://yougov.co.uk/society/articles/40280-yougov-big-survey-drugs-recreational-drugs. The “ everyone I know has taken drugs “ type of comment tends to be because people with certain attitudes, socio economic backgrounds and other factors tend to socialise or be around other people with similar attitudes and backgrounds.

Agreed.

I am fairly sure weed use in my DS kicked off his self harm, which out of everything he smoked, swallowed or stuffed up his nose, has been the most difficult to deal with.

DS is adopted and went into care because of drug/alcohol issues, so it was definitely in his genes.

He was very aware of his history, and how bad weed had been for his birth dad - who ended up in a mental health unit with drug induced psychosis.

Up until he was about 14 he was adamant he wasn't going to smoke or take any drugs.

Then it all changed......

So nature versus nurture?? I would say nature hands down all the time, but nurture plays it's part in how that pans out.

Thank you for sharing your experience with your son and I’m sorry you’ve had so many difficulties. I think many people are completely ignorant about how much of a harmful effect weed can have on certain (especially young) people who are (often unknowingly) predisposed to certain MH conditions. The damage can be lifelong and I believe seeing weed as a “safe” option can be very damaging

Well in my particular case, I was brought up working class then went to university so I know both working class and middle class people. They were all on it so your socio-economic background argument is absolute rubbish in my case. I can only talk from my own experience. The 90s and 00s were just a prime time for it. EVERYONE was mad fer it. My partner who is from a middle class family and is a few years older than me was also a big recreational drug user. His friends still do it now as parents which I find hard to stomach if I'm honest.

And I judge you negatively for doing so.

I really don't judge her myself.

What is difficult for me is knowing which person can be ok with that rare hedonistic experience without developing a dependence. You won't know who will fall down a path they can't easily come back from. But, alcohol does that to people all the time.

I had a diverse mix of friends. A very close friend would never touch a thing. Another did a fair amount and grew out of it. I was somewhere in the middle. Experiences that frame amazing memories for me. I respect both friends equally.

My number 1 concern regarding my own child is a clear susceptibility to addictive behaviour based on having ADHD. That makes me feel that the odd recreational experience would be dangerous for them. The current special interest is sport which is what I hope will always divert away from vaping, smoking and drinking alcohol primarily. They're my biggest concerns for my child.

I feel like anyone who says “my child would never..” is kidding themselves.

When I was younger I can guarantee there were parents who said the same whilst their DC were definitely experimenting or using more regularly.

I won’t assume they will, I hung around with many people who did, but didn’t do anything more than try weed a few times myself so association doesn’t guarantee they would experiment either, but I would never state that my child won’t touch drugs. I feel it’s asking for trouble..

I've never smoked or , done drugs and have raised my children accordingly. I've also educated them about alcohol and alcoholism deaths we've had in our family.

DS opened up to me that he once threw up in his sleep after a night out at university and that was a wake up call to him to drink less.

I feel all addicts always start with "yeah. I won't get addicted"

I don't want to bring religion into as I'm currently agnostic but I feel for example that Islam has the right approach of forbidding the consumption of all intoxicants and things that damage you (like smoking)

I’m sure that’s what my parents would say 😬

Curiosity, seeing what all the fuss is about, escapism . Let’s face it,most teenagers don’t have that kind of convoluted thought process before trying something.

There by the grace of God , go I.

I also had(have?) a highly addictive personality and a pretty traumatic background. Luckily, like I said, when I tried stuff it didn’t do much/I didn’t actually like it , so it didn’t get any further. But it easily could have, like it did with alcohol and other risky/dangerous behaviours and things.

No one ever thinks they'll get a dependence. It very much sneaks up on you gradually

My friend never touched coke until her mid 20s,

then it was at parties when offered by Friends

Then she'd buy but only when someone else had the number / deal

Then she started calling / buying herself

Then it was solo

Then it was every weekend

Then it was every other day - and it wasnt until here she realised this wasn't normal

She says it was the most insidious thing she's known

To add, she isn't ND, or troubled, or dealing with unresolved trauma. She fell victim to an addictive substance- just like smokers

My problem is with the OP's expectation, it sounds almost like approval.

When did I ever say that middle class people don’t use drugs? I too was at uni in the early 90’s, do you not realise that “people who go to uni” constitute a social group where social factors are highly relevant and exposure to drug use is likely . I had a foot in 2 friend groups, one where people were likely to try drugs, and did so, one where they really didn’t. For those that did, weed and ecstasy were likely but only 1 person i knew tried cocaine as at the time it was hugely expensive…cocaine was most definitely associated with high socio-economic status at that time, and with people in particular careers or living in particular cities…far less so now. The reasons why people from lower S-e groups and higher S-e groups may be drawn to trying drugs ( or trying different types of drugs) are potentially different but it is still incorrect to assert that “ everyone does it”.

Maybe you should read my subsequent posts on this thread before calling it “approval” as if 🙄 I just live in the real world

My DM and DF did drugs, I wouldn't be too surprised if they still did occassionally too. Me and my siblings never have done, I think that's probably due to our childhood - I just don't personally want to go near the stuff but I do understand that people do.

My DP's never taken them nor any of my exes, I'm not anti drugs at all just not interested in them and I fully believe them. Growing up (I'm mid 30s now) I don't remember any of my friends taking them, I remember some kids going up the field and taking weed, maybe E occassionally but that's about it. It was a rural school so I don't know if that makes a difference.

I don't agree fully with having to take it to be able to educate, I think due to my upbringing and further research I can educate a child without having taken them myself. My parents on the other hand would definitely hand out some drugs and say take them they're lovely. I think it's really all dependent on the person.

I did a lot of drugs as a teenager and young adult. Equally, many of my friends did not. My partner has never even smoked a joint! So I think it depends on the person. Also as I understand it these days younger people are less into substances in general than previous generations..

One of my children has a job where he would get tested. He's always wanted this job and never wanted drug use/ purchase to be on his record.
I feel sure he hasn't done any.

Your kids won’t tell you. So you don’t know.