To expect my DD will try drugs?

[Roxietrees]

Not really an AIBU question but didn’t know where else to put it. Was just reading another thread and it got me thinking (maybe MN isn’t the best test group for this question but we’ll see!) I feel like back in the day on crime drama type tv shows where some young person goes missing the parents would always say to the police “no our son/daughter would never touch drugs, not in a million years, they’re not like that” or whatever. But these days you don’t get those kind of lines in the same types of tv shows (not that I’ve seen anyway, I might be wrong) and I’m wondering whether that’s because the attitude around drugs has shifted and it’s become more socially acceptable than it was early late 90s/early 2000s? I did a load of drugs in my teens and early 20s (early 2000s) so did almost everyone I know, and we’re all pretty normal, well-adjusted, successful people. My DD is still very young but I fully expect her to experiment with drugs as a teenager, I feel like it’s a right of passage. I just want to educate her about the dangers and discourage her but at the end of the day she’s going to make her own mind up. I’m just wondering if other people expect that their kids will try drugs or do you feel certain they won’t? If so why?

Cocaine is absolutely not safer in the long term than weed. And is just as likely to cause mental health difficulties, if not more given that it is physically addictive in a way that weed isn’t.
Im not an advocate for sustained weed use either, but your assertions here are really misinformed.

Also @LobeliaBaggins i didn’t say take Coke so you’re not a sheep! I said do your own research don’t be a sheep by listening to out dated opinions and going by government chosen catagories for drugs. Do your own, impartial research

I'm also from an immigrant background. I agree with @gannett that we become adept at hiding things from parents. I'd be gutted if my kids would try drugs or do anything illegal and/ or harmful to their health. But I'd be more gutted if they felt they couldn't tell me.
As a side note, I work in the criminal justice system and there are plenty of people from a similar background heavily involved in using and supply of drugs.

Why are the only 2 options either
getting blind drunk or taking drugs of some kind? You can do neither. You may not want to, but you can.
So can some kids really. Despite the utter disbelief.

My grandma says the same thing- all of her grandkids over the age of 20 have done at a minimum weed with most of us trying other things as well

I agree with this. My DB is a neuoroscientist and addiction is his specialism. Weed, coke and ecstasy all have an horrific impact on mental health. In his opinion, coke is the most dangerous physically. Coke is most likely to cause addiction, often from the first or second time using. MDMA and weed are considered comparatively physically safe compared to coke or alcohol.

70,000 deaths per year from smoking
10,000 from alcohol
3,000 from drugs

I am uneducated in drug use and apparently relying on outdated research, but I was of the same opinion.

Neither drug is physically addictive. Both can be dangerous and both are habit forming and can be psychologically addictive - but not physically addictive. I think you’re the one that’s misinformed. Physical addiction is when you suffer physical withdrawal symptoms after stopping. Eg. Opiate-based drugs and benzos.

I have a specific reason to worry about weed and my DD and for her I think it would be worse than Coke. It may be the other way round for others though. Eg. If someone has a heart issue then yes cocaine can be extremely dangerous. This is what I mean about the importance of people educating themselves for the sake of their DC. It’s irresponsible to think weed is safe and others are dangerous. There have been lots and lots of young people who have suffered psychosis after smoking weed, or worse, gone on to have long-term, severe mental health problems. A PP described this exact situation happening to her son early in this thread

I’d think it would be pretty rare to not even try a bit of weed, especially when they go to uni. I spent my uni years stoned! But then, we all smoked, so smoking a joint was no big deal.

I’ve not smoked a cigarette since I was 23, so even a puff on a joint to me now is foul. My kids have never smoked cigarettes so I’m not sure how much weed they’ve dabbled with. Not something I ask them. My youngest has mild health anxiety, so I’d be surprised if he tried anything more than once. My husband once had a truly dreadful experience with skunk which put him off for life. We told our kids about it and I think it was a good warning.

I remember a few years ago attending a family wedding and watching the antics of my 20 year old nephew, who was very obviously smashed out of his skull on something doubtless illicit. All the while his mother (my SIL) was telling me that she really hoped her DS would never touch drugs. I didn't mention the state he was in - there is none so blind as those who will not see. Yes, OP, I guess your DC will try drugs at some point. I'm sure mine did, but I never asked. They're all grown up and very respectable now, as is my nephew.

My grandma would also say none of mine ever, haha. She has no idea at least two of her grandchildren have been smoking weed for years. I’ve never touched anything, so can only hope my daughter won’t.

I don't know why it's seen as all okay to destroy your body with toxic chemicals when you're younger but suddenly once you hit 40s it's a relationship destroyer to take.

We haven't even mentioned the supply chain for coke and other drugs, though it's being discussed on another thread.

I agree. It’s just judgemental people who think you have to be a certain level of “respectable” once you’re over a certain age. Why? Also you can be respectable and use drugs. It’s a personal choice and I don’t believe it should be judged no matter how old you are. I’m talking recreational use, not addiction. I don’t get into complete states like I used to pre-25 but that’s a personal choice, I just don’t feel like doing that anymore, it’s not that I feel I shouldn’t because I’m in my 30s. People I know do abs I don’t judge them

Quite possibly. I was one of the most boring, square, quiet, awkward uncool kids at school and even now people act shocked if I swear or say something about sex (I think I just give off this innocent, naive aura) but even I have tried weed and a hallucinogen.

Us children of immigrants are far better practised in the arts of parental deception than the middle-class white kids

Certainly fits for me.... Not sure if it good or bad on balance. On the one hand, it's less for parents to worry about if they don't know about it, on the other hand, there's no room for sensible advice/intervention.

If as you say, OP, you believe that taking drugs is a personal choice and can be done safely recreationally, then you have nothing to worry about, even if your DD tries drugs.

I don't.

Most people I know take or have taken drugs. I was a 90s teen if that makes any difference

And I drink alcohol recreationarily but never get drunk.

The issues for me are:

1. Alcohol is legal
2. It is regulated and I know exactly what is in the bottle
3. There are no moral or ethical supply chain issues that I am aware of - people trafficking, prostitution, child labour etc

@Roxietrees you can justify your drug habits all you like, but you will never be able to convince someone who likes an occasional drink and has no addiction issues that drugs are safer than alcohol.

@Mistyglade and I was a 70s teenager and most of my friends didn't take drugs. Some of them did, but they were in a minority.

@Roxietrees you absolutely cannot be respectable and use illegal drugs…how do you justify all the criminal aspects of the drug supply trade? Or is young boys getting knifed and drug mules dying from bursting of swallowed packages just “ one of those things” for you? I absolutely get your concern about weed as it’s very well linked to mental health issues but I honestly don’t understand how blasé you are about cocaine. The degree of physical dependency of cocaine is debated but there’s plenty of theories about how it can affect your brain chemistry and hence it has the capacity to be both physically and psychologically addictive depending on the person taking it and how they use it.

You’re missing the point entirely. My DD is the most important thing in the world to me. Yes, it’s a personal choice for a full-grown adult educated about various drugs and their potential dangers. That is not the same as a naive 14-year-old who knows nothing and is doing it to fit in. That’s why it’s so important to educate young people as opposed to ignorantly assuming they won’t do it because you’ve told them not to and that all drugs are bad. Eg. the Leah Betts case - she died because she drank too much water because she felt she needed it after taking ecstasy. Had she been educated about the safe use of it - eg. It might make you feel like you want to down 10 pints of water but try to refrain from doing that as you can die from internal drowning would be much more effective than the “just say no” message of that era. It’s so much more complex than that. Also to teach kids about what drug they are taking and the differences between them. I know 2 people who died from accidentally ODing on GHB, something I will tell my DD about when she’s older and explain how incredibly dangerous that specific drug is. It’s not the same as a pinch of MDMA in your drink. I hope she doesn’t use drugs at all because yes, of course they’re not all safe, but I’m not going to naively expect that she’ll never experiment, I just want her to be armed with as much knowledge as possible so if she does experiment at least she can do it in the safest way possible. Also just because I do/did drugs doesn’t mean I want her to, in the same way millions of parents might not want their (young, naive, vulnerable) DC to engage in the kind of behaviour they do as fully consenting and educated adults because teens aren’t necessarily fully consenting or educated yet and are very easily influenced. For example parents who engage in fully consensual kinky sex and go to dungeons or whatever, I’m sure wouldn’t want their teenage kids to do the same.

I'm a 90s teen too. I never ever even tried drugs and both groups of friends I made at both school and uni were the same...

OP the attitude of 'drugs never did me any harm' and 'it's a right of passage' is very naive. I know you'll say you're just being realistic, but when it comes to the negative impacts of drug use you cannot take such a laid back 'cool' approach.
Sure many people 'dabble', and are fine, but many do not come out the other side unscathed, and some succumb to addiction. Don't take that chance with your child

What's the point of even trying drugs? Either you'll enjoy them, and want to do it repeatedly going forwards, so have all the expense, guilt and risks that come with that, or you won't enjoy them, in which case it was a waste of life trying them. Seems very odd to me. 😕

These people were not raised correctly then