AIBU to feel scammed by breastfeeding

[PickledElectricity]

Kind of joking, kind of not.

I breastfed my DS until he was 19 months old (he's now 2) and despite this he's had every bug going at nursery, is allergic to nuts and now seems to have hay fever! I'm gutted as he loves to be outside and is now sneezing, congested, has puffy red eyes and a runny nose.

Where are the miracle benefits I was promised?!

Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad I did it, it was lovely for bonding and saved my life and sanity in the middle of the night, and tbh I am a very lazy person and couldn't face washing and sterilising bottles every single day.

I didn't even get the benefit of not having periods. 3 times I went straight from post partum bleeding to a period. It also meant I held on to weight.

Apart from that I wasn't expecting much miracles from it. Another one of life's lower your expectations unfortunately.

I think motherhood in general has many many many disadvantages for women really. It's certainly not beneficial for our bodies.

@Smallmercies And probably many infants died before modern day formula for that reason. Years ago using animal products etc were at great risk of contamination.

Formula milk is wonderful alternative but it is trying to REPLICATE breastmilk for a reason. It can't change in temperature itself, it doesn't change as your child grows to give them what they need at that time of life like breastmilk can. We are told we shouldn't give babies cows milk under a certain age because their stomachs can't cope with it because we weren't designed to drink it.

I really don't care whether people decide to feed their baby with formula or breastmilk as long as mum and baby are happy and healthy, it shouldn't matter to anyone, but the negativity towards breastfeeding and the way years of evolution and science is rubbished on mumsnet because some posters on here have a couple of kids who were formula fed and 'hardly ever get colds' is so ridiculous and I would suspect very discouraging to new mums who might be confused about whether they want to try or not.

BF lowers risk of breast cancer @MightyGoldBear. (So does giving birth younger apparently.)
There are some health advantages.

Excellent post @Bumble6

Donkeys years since I BF my four DC but the message is still the same - breast IS best for mum and baby.

And everyone has a choice whether they do so or not. Doesn't make them lesser.

Sanctimonious or what. Feed your own children how you like but don't suggest other people are lesser parents for doing differently

Yes, that’s my entire point. They have that choice.

If you actively choose not to even try to breastfeed then you are not doing what is best for your baby.

Make that choice, but acknowledge it is an entirely selfish one and putting your own wants before what is best for your baby.

But they have no need to feel guilty about which milk they use to feed baby

If they fed the baby vodka or beer they en every reason to feel guilty as that will HARM the child Formula milk wont

Breast milk can't help your child to avoid illnesses that you haven't also been exposed to. You can only pass on antibodies that you have. In nursery, your child is being exposed to loads of things which you haven't been, unfortunately.

I would argue that you have absolutely no idea as to why any one person “chooses” not to “try” to breastfeed. I am a very middle class health professional who had every intention of BF but was put on medication for my mental health very soon after birth….there is no “ safe” anti depressant only ones that are “safer” than others so would you risk harm to your baby through ingesting medication that may or may not have an impact on their brain chemistry, solely to give them breast milk? I had a long hospital stay and was also in a room with a number of young mums who “ chose” not to BF and overheard the conversations with staff that were, imo, not professional - there is no excuse for treating people as somehow less for making a choice that works for many. Increased BF rates will come about as more people choose to BF at home and it becomes more normalised as we see BF mums out in public , we don’t have to have this polarised attitude .

@ChicaWowWow

Hopefully. Thankyou.

You were unable to breastfeed due to medication.

As I said, if you are unable to breastfeed that choice has been taken away from you.

I am specifically talking about people who could but actively choose not to. They are deliberately not starting their baby off with the best in life. It doesn’t bode well.

I do find the breastfeeding culture odd - because I find that breastfeeding isn’t just about providing milk for your baby - there is so much to it. From the foods you eat that enhance milk, to getting comfortable - I wish there were more conversations about the journey of breastfeeding for those of us that choose to - in order to make it more pleasant . I couldn’t breastfeed my first for as long as I wanted due to contracting mastitis - so breastfed for 1 month and the rest formula. I breastfed my second until about 9 months but he was on solids just before 6 months, and I included formula at around 4/5 months.

Although I EBF at one point with second. I learned that diet - both mine and baby’s was so important in this process.

I honestly believe that food before one’s just for fun is absolut BS - as my first needed food and the right food as formula gave them terrible constipation - after weaning it got so so much better. My second become very hungry so I mixed formula and breast just before 6 months and his diet made a huge difference - weather that is energy levels, being more or less cranky - never got ill.

I know what you mean though. Having a baby that was breastfed more than the other I really don’t see a difference at all in the way they’ve grown up - formula was equally as important in both their journies - breastfeeding for me was amazing because it was free (I spent so much more on formula - was lucky to have things like free breastfeeding hubs, bought reusable pads, spent less that 100 on the pumps etc etc) - it could be done anywhere - but again,my diet had to be amazing in order to even make milk! I wonder if there is enough education on nutrition as a breastfeeding mother and if that plays a role? Just curious.

(edited to fix grammar as it was hard to follow)

Just because it rhymes in English that doesn't make it true; breast is NOT best for every mum and baby. Sometimes formula is best for individual families. Formula saves more lives than breastmilk does.

You are saying such horrible things, I find it hard to believe you're really this judgmental in real life. You are cruel, and also wrong. So it's a pointless cruelty and achieves nothing except some twisted satisfaction.

Well, essentially they still are starting their baby off with the best in life, because they know that not bf is the best choice for them as a mum, for their mental and physical well being. A happy mum is a happy baby! If you force yourself to bf and it impacts you negatively, then it will impact baby negatively and it negates the potential positives of bf.

This is dangerous advice and what made my baby so seriously ill. It’s what I was told repeatedly in the first week, keep putting baby to breast and feed feed feed. If you have medical conditions causing low supply or had a haemorrhage at birth feeding frequently isn’t going to make any difference.

My milk eventually came in at eight weeks once my body had rested and recovered from the haemorrhage. Feed feed feed was the opposite of what I needed to do - milk came in once my baby slept through so my body had a chance to recover.

I've breastfed my 11 month old and hes constantly ill with different colds and bugs. He's had really bad colic and is allergic to fish (so am I). He nevers sleeps a full night and will be sick if I give him food and don't have him sitting still for 15 minutes after. He's very clingy and really just want me all the time. I feel because I've fed him he wants me more than my partner which I do feed sad about.
I never breastfed my 3 year old and she has had a cold once, when she started preschool last September and that's it. She slept through the night since being a newborn, even when teething. She has no allergies as well as being really smart (her nursery teacher was shocked she knew so much).

I'm now thinking fed is best. I won't be having a third child but if I did I wouldn't breastfeed.

After 4 kids / 4 c sections and trying to breastfeed each time I honestly felt it was over rated with all the claims. I have 4 neurodivergent kids - a fail apparently due to not breastfeeding ( Internet claim lol) . The first 3 attempts to breast feed i can honestly say I would have rather stuck burning pokers in my eyes than experience the pain and discomfort!! Child no. 1 drew actual blood when breast feeding !! The only time I was successful was with child no. 4 the most neurodiverse of my tribe and managed to feed for a massive 3 months before the idea of a child permanently glued to my tit's virtually 24 hours a day waned!! Don't get me wrong I felt ok doing it but when your child wants to spend his life stuck to your tit it gets tiring. There is too much pressure on mums to breastfeed and if a mum simply uses a bottle and is happy and healthy mentally around their child the benefits are just as good! I would sooner have a happy child than anyone stressed out me and a grumpy child trying to suck a tit and being miserable. Children get allergies etc and yes there are immune benefits to breastfeeding your child and even if you only try the forst few weeks you should be proud of your efforts!! For God sake you just created a new human and in most cases pushed it out of a button hole that's stretched to 10cm! Give yourself a break mums and think of you too and stop feeling guilty!!!

I'm mostly annoyed that on the NCT breastfeeding course I went on they insisted we should never introduce bottles in the first months (even of expressed milk) as it would lead to a reduced supply and risk long term breastfeeding. HOWEVER they did not mention how by doing this you might inadvertently create a bottle-refuser / dummy-refuser, which may actually be a HUGE problem if they also happen to be the type to wake every hour until they're past 16 months and can't settle without the boob. VERY annoyed.

They do this on purpose; I've seen colleagues gloating over this exact thing. They chalk it up as a victory to breastfeeding.

Honestly I still feel so scammed. Pretty sure it shaved years off my life!

I was somewhat coerced into breastfeeding my DDs. I compromised and mixed fed from the get go. They’re 15 & 16 now and neither have ever had any antibiotics… which I find nuts! I’d lost count of the number of times I’d had the weird banana penicillin by the age of ten!

To be fair my DD is bf and at 18months still going. The first year of her life she wasn't I'll at all.she was with me constantly though so I assume any bugs we were exposed the same time and I made antibodies. She came home her third day of nursery unwell, and has been unwell about 3/4 times since. I guess because I'm no longer exposed and able to make antibodies.

God yes this!!!

A consultant also told me it was my fault newborn DD was jaundiced as it was obviously from breastfeeding her and underfeeding her as mums can't handle the pain. Obviously he was male and never fed a baby in his life. But oh my God it messed me up for ages. I was a wreck.

The main advantage of breastfeeding seems to be the smugness it confers to those doing it? Health depends on a lot of things as well as BF/ not BF.