AIBU to feel scammed by breastfeeding

[PickledElectricity]

Kind of joking, kind of not.

I breastfed my DS until he was 19 months old (he's now 2) and despite this he's had every bug going at nursery, is allergic to nuts and now seems to have hay fever! I'm gutted as he loves to be outside and is now sneezing, congested, has puffy red eyes and a runny nose.

Where are the miracle benefits I was promised?!

Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad I did it, it was lovely for bonding and saved my life and sanity in the middle of the night, and tbh I am a very lazy person and couldn't face washing and sterilising bottles every single day.

This is an absolute load of rubbish - it's a claim fabricated by breastfeeding fanatics.

It’s just a silly argument though isn’t it. There’s lots of things that we do to benefit our health that aren’t particularly visible on the outside.

Breastfeeding ‘fanatics’ 🤣

It might not be 7 in many cases but it’s certainly at least 2: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2720507/

No I disagree.

What is the natural weaning age then according to you?

Your mask is slipping.

But the WHO amd UNICEF recommend to 2 years and beyond?

I chose to breastfeed, but it wasn’t an informed choice as I wasn’t told about the cons as well as the pros, or that many of the pros are subjective, the only things I was told about formula was that it’s expensive and unnecessary.

What I needed to know but wasn’t told despite doing a 3 hour infant feeding NHS workshop:

Risks of EBF, particularly risk factors for milk delay and low supply. This could have been scored antenatally and I’d have been prepared for not being able to make enough milk for my baby. And my options discussed.

How to correctly sterilise and prep a bottle. Not learning this in an emergency after almost a week of no sleep.

That some women love BFing, find it straightforward. That others hate it. That it can be difficult, agonising, contribute to PND.

That the benefits of BFing are over-stated. I wasn’t given actual figures and what we were told was hyperbolic and assumed an ideal scenario. Knowing actual figures would have helped me make a choice more effectively.

That combi-feeding is possible. And how to do it.

That it’s sensible to have some of those ready prepared starter bottles of formula in the house in case it’s all going wrong. If we hadn’t lived close to shops I’d have a brain damaged child now thanks to EBF.

That you can use any first infant formula. Because of the over-promotion of EBFing and lack of information about formula when you suddenly have to start using formula it’s tempting to buy the most expensive one to do the “best” for your baby.

That nipple confusion doesn’t exist and it’s fine to introduce bottles and/or dummies as soon as you like. This can actually help as it gives you a break and can take the pressure off.

Well unfortunately that is the way life is- you have no idea whether it would have been much worse if you hadn't breast fed- and you never will know.
It's rather like the benefit of vaccinations, you have to trust the medical professionals and all the research they have done.

This comment shows an embarrassing ignorance of human biology.

www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html

I bottle fed my first (not by choice) and breastfed my 2nd. My eldest is the healthiest kid you will ever meet, never gets snotty nose or picks up bugs from school (or nursery when there). My second is the complete opposite. Always has a runny nose, picks up every bug going around. I also feel cheated 😅

Another absolute crock of shite
I didn’t realise MN was no anti breastfeeding

The thing is.. I do know lots of people who have digestive issues, Crohn's, diverticulitis and diabetes, obesity and there is a link with formula and early weaning. Anything which is a change in how we evolved to digest and nourish ourselves is going to have a physiological effect down the line. My mother was put onto formula early in the 1940s, breastfeeding was the norm then, it was for a logistical reason (my grandmother had to go away for ten days and her supply didn't recover) and it seemed like she was a very healthy child and adult/ young woman. Formula would appear to have made no difference whatsover. But she did suffer all sorts of issues around sugar dependence in later life, diabetes, obesity, appendicitis. My child had lots of formula top ups and suffered obesity in his teens. There may be link but we just don't know, to gut health in general, depression and anxiety. We just don't know but breast milk is just one of many many factors that might help so I suppose it's there why not just take the benefits of it???why look a gift horse in the mouth?
I feel breastfeeding is far less culturally acceptable than we realise, mothers going back to work out of the home is the norm and that is not compatible with long term breastfeeding. There is a cultural pressure to STOP and downplay the benefits

I'd argue that my kids would have suffered a whole lot more had I been forced to do something that I vehemently didn't want to do. Happily, I had my children a long time before the mammary mafia was formed and in the case of my first child had such a difficult delivery that she had to spend her first two days in special care and I wasn't even allowed to hold her, never mind feed her.

At the time, mothers were allowed to make their own decisions regarding feeding and those who chose to BF were properly supported and formula was provided for those who chose not to. There was no judgment either way. I do think that BF has become another stick to beat women with - as if more than enough isn't expected of us already - and so it's really disappointing to hear women casting aspersions on the choices of others without knowing anything about their lives and circumstances.

What is it about BF that makes women so nastily judgmental? It makes not one jot of difference to you whether other people BF or not - why can't you just accept that you made your choice and others make different choices and all are equally valid?

And breastfeeding protects against breast cancer. Someone up thread mentions this but it is long-term breastfeeding that is so rare, and THAT which protects which is why we are told it makes less statistical difference.
No one in the 1970s deciding breastfeeding was a bit unnecessary had this information to make an informed choice. And these were OUR mothers, who influence us with our choices

Totally agree with your post, @Bumble6.
The bashing of both breastfeeding and formula feeding is exhausting and demoralising! It also brings so much shame and guilt for both bfing and ffing mums.
Breastfeeding can be hard work, for sure, and doesn't work for everyone. It can also be wonderful and have many benefits!
Also hate the generalisations you pointed out (clingy, allergies, smugness, etc.) and as everyone seems to love giving their anecdotes as evidence for their bias, here are mine (coz I'm currently chilling with a 12mo attached to my tit and I have nothing better to so this second 🤣):

• I breastfed my first for 2.5yo
• never sleep trained and bed shared for about 3 years
• they're super independent, sociable and confident
• dad is defo the preferred parent and they do so so so much together
• currently bf my 2nd (12mo and counting) who is also super confident and sociable, not clingy at all and a happy explorer
• they both love their food and not fussy at all
• dad can put them to bed easily without me
• I am not smug and my tits look awful, but they always did so who the fuck cares
• they have zero allergies
• I can count on 1 hand the amount of colds/illnesses they've had collectively
• I'm not trapped at home bfing as I whip my boobs out anywhere, anytime and I also feed in the babycarrier on the go

Point is, that you bf or ff for whatever reason (even if just because that's what you want to do, end of) you should be supported in doing so. Neither is a sure way of anything (allergies or not, clinginess or not, etc.) and the studies showing pros and cons of both are on large number of people, it won't predict where you and your child(ren) will fall on those scales, you could be lucky or not.

Sorry for the boring post, I'll stop here.

Signed, Captain Obvious.

I bf'd for 2 years and 3.5 years. Neither kid has allergies. Eldest is a great eater but has always picked up colds and things quite easily; youngest is a picky eater but as fit as a fiddle. However I now have secondary (incurable) breast cancer.

But statistically it's optimum, it was also far easier, cheaper and I loved it.

I FF one, EBF one and mixed fed the one born by CS. No allergies, no digestive issues, no autoimmune issues. Never needed hospital treatment except for the very occasional accident. Rarely if ever ill. All brought up with animals in the house and a fairly lax attitude to cleaning

I'd argue you the larger percentage on this thread have been bashing breastfeeding, not the other way round. Have you read back the lists of things people have said about babies or breastfed mums and the mums themselves?

The point I have been trying to make is nothing to do with whether you formula feed or breastfeed, its everyone's right to feed their baby what they want, it is that there is a lot of misinformation being spouted on here about breastfeeding and to anyone who might be thinking of trying it would quite frankly be put off by what they're reading.

Re allergens - the evidence suggests that early exposure (which can happen through breast milk with some allergens, although the science is not super clear cut) is preventative to an extent. The EAT study and a couple of others have found that introducing (tiny quantities of) milk/eggs/peanuts from 3 months reduces the chance of allergy.

Hahaha, you've proved my point! KD is a breastfeeding fanatic and makes up facts to suit her fanaticism.

I'm not wearing a mask - I breastfed 5 babies and am a midwife and health visitor by profession.

Whatever suits each mum and baby. Simples.

None of that means you need to call people who do extended breastfeeding "fanatics". You can support formula feeding mums, without bringing down others.

I fully support any woman's right to choose how they feed their baby. Denying factual information on breastfeeding isn't helpful though.

What is it about BF that makes women so nastily judgmental? It makes not one jot of difference to you whether other people BF or not - why can't you just accept that you made your choice and others make different choices and all are equally valid?

But it’s obvious from some of the comments on this thread, the ‘skit’ someone linked etc that the judgement goes both ways 😕

I was told breastfeeding was ‘uncivilised’.