AIBU to feel scammed by breastfeeding

[PickledElectricity]

Kind of joking, kind of not.

I breastfed my DS until he was 19 months old (he's now 2) and despite this he's had every bug going at nursery, is allergic to nuts and now seems to have hay fever! I'm gutted as he loves to be outside and is now sneezing, congested, has puffy red eyes and a runny nose.

Where are the miracle benefits I was promised?!

Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad I did it, it was lovely for bonding and saved my life and sanity in the middle of the night, and tbh I am a very lazy person and couldn't face washing and sterilising bottles every single day.

Sorry, meant to quote the original post

Breast milk is NOT just a food though. Interestingly, we probably evolved to breastfeed our young, as mammals, due to the immunity benefits of breastfeeding. It’s a tailor made immune support system for babies, basically. And amazing for gut health. Don’t pretend formula is equally as good because we KNOW scientifically that is not true.

Well, it’s NHS breastfeeding classes telling expectant mums this stuff.

When I complained about the content of the class I went to and what a poor preparation it had offered for the realities of BFing I was told it wasn’t up to the hospital and they referred to the Baby Friendly Initiative which the hospital was part of (highest level accredited!). So I then complained to Baby Friendly who said they took no responsibility for the content of hospital antenatal classes!

I didn’t do NCT but from PPs it sounds like they’re telling people similar things.

Sounds very frustrating @ConfusedAnxiousMum.
They do need to make sure they’re explaining things properly and clearly.
I’m not from the UK myself so haven’t any experience of NHS or NCT classes.

Nope, sorry you're wrong. I've looked back over all the opening posts and no-one was saying anything derogatory, although some posters ruefully bemoaned the fact that their breastfed children still had allergies and frequent illnesses. It started getting judgy when @TheJollyMoose came on the scene and castigated a woman 'for choosing a shit husband' and in then gave several more tart responses about.women who don't breastfeed being shit parents. From then on it seems that it's the breast feeders who have been making the most judgy and derogatory comments.

It doesn’t provide miracle benefits however it is meant to help through the first few months. Allergies are not very well understood, seems to be fairly random ! The only thing that I was told is kids growing up on farms have less allergies, lots of use when you live in an inner city!

Exactly.

I'd much rather be called a smug parent over a shit parent.

In an ideal world babies would arrive spontaneously at 40 weeks and deliver vaginally after eight hours labour, latch on straight away and breast feed every four hours and sleep though the night at six weeks by which time we would be back in our skinny jeans but none of us actually live in that place. So thanks to obstetrics and formula companies there are other ways of having a healthy one year old.
Personally I found bf easy, babies did not develop allergies or illnesses and was able to express and freeze milk (which was fortunate as I am too disorganised to do bottles) and have been able to help my now adult Dd's with their babies (who also have no allergies)

I don't agree with anyone making nasty comments about how people feed their babies and I don't care who ''started it' because I am not ten. You must not have seen the comments about how people breastfeed to be smug, that breastfeeding a toddler is like that bitty sketch, calling breastfeeders the 'mammary brigade' or something equally ridiculous I can't remember off the top of my head.
Noone should be posting unpleasant things about the way people choose to feed.

I dont think anyone should be calling someone either for the way they choose to feed their baby.

If you check back, you'll see that all of that began after @TheJollyMoose made the first of her several posts, all of which insulted women who chose not to breastfeed for whatever reason. Up until then, it was just a sharing of different experiences of breastfeeding and formula feeding and statistics about the benefits of breastfeeding protecting against breast cancer.

You are right when you say that no one should be posting unpleasant things about the way people choose to feed their baby, because it's absolutely none of their business and really, why would anyone be so invested in another woman's choice? However, when someone decrees that formula feeders are shit parents it's bound to ruffle a few feathers.

I'll hold up my hand and admit that I was the person who introduced the term 'mammary mafia', but I was referring to NHS healthcare professionals and disciples of the NCT who are as rabidly determined to push breastfeeding - as indeed they are 'natural' birth - at all costs, even if that means providing misleading information. And I can totally see how if a woman breastfed, especially if it was difficult for her to do so, because she felt it would confer all sorts of benefits that haven't been realised, she would understandably be feeling somewhat aggrieved.

I was exclusively breast fed for a year and am riddled with allergies and gut problems. Alot of people in this thread are saying the same about their children.

I bf both of my DC for 15 months each. Thankfully both seemed well and no allergies.

It was hard going mentally as I didn’t ever get a break. I occasionally pumped with DC1, but only enough to be away for 4 hours. The little one I didn’t have time to pump so baby was with me constantly!!

The best pay back now is that I love my boobs now!! They’re so much better (bigger and fuller) than before kids 🎉 😂 Appreciate that’s not always the case though. My bff’s boobs seemed to disappear after she bf for a year. Not sure why the difference!!

1. a year isn’t actually that long and 2) that really means nothing

It doesn’t disprove the science.

Sorry, not in the UK.

Are people actually saying that the NHS said that their children would be allergy free if they breastfed? Because that’s shocking.

Did they say there was a reduced risk, and people misunderstood?

Or did they simplify the language around the science so much that it was completely misleading?

But that's not very helpful for @AliBaliBee1234, is it? What it does prove is that breastfeeding won't necessarily make that much difference to individual children and since most mothers are primarily concerned about the micro effects rather than the macro benefits at population level, the science and the statistics are of very little importance.

Just to add that currently the position seems to be that BF doesn’t impact on food allergies, but may reduce the risk of rhinitis
(nb - just from a quick google).

What else could the science say?
It’s always about populations!

I think getting the message across must have been done very poorly indeed. There seems to be huge amounts of confusion on here.

I certainly don't condone anyone calling someone a shit parent because they feed their baby formula.

Unfortunately, whether people like it or not and whether people want to say their breastfed child is always ill/allergic to more than their formula fed etc, the fact is breastmilk is better for babies. I am yet to see any proof that formula milk is superior. A mothers milk is natural, literally custom designed for that individual baby, it changes as the baby grows, it does all sorts of amazing things. Formula milk tries to replicate it for that reason. It is also why they will often try and use donor milk for premature babies whose mothers are unable to feed them. Aside from any health benefits, the environmental cost of formula feeding from the dairy industry and plastic that is used has to be considered too. Those are some of the reasons it is pushed more.

However, that doesn't mean breastfeeding itself is better than formula feeding because for some mums, even if they can breastfeed it might actually be detrimental to their health/mental health and therefore for their baby, formula feeding is the best choice. That is their choice and they should be 100% supported in that.

Yes breastfeeding is hard, time consuming etc and new mums should be made aware of this but to call it a con and a waste of time because your child gets colds and eczema (and when you don't know the future benefits when they are older) is bizarre and possibly quite off putting to new mums reading this.

Anyone who is told that bf confers lifelong benefits has been scammed. There are a handful of extremely short term, minor benefits. And one evidence based longterm benefit for the mother (decreased risk of certain cancers). But that's it.

By the time they're one there is no difference. It's so sad that people don't know this, and might end up pushing themselves through months of discomfort trying to make bf work because they've been lied to that it has a longterm impact.

It doesn't reduce the chances of obesity, or increase IQ, or impact health for the child. So feed your baby whichever way makes most sense for your family.

For what it's worth I don't disbelieve the science around breastfeeding and obviously, in of itself, breastmilk is more going to be more suited to human infants than formula.

What I really question is whether it's so much better that it's worth how miserable some mothers are doing it or how guilty and depressed some are made to feel if it doesn't work out. Obviously there's no simple way to quantify this worth.

This, absolutely.

This is simply not true!

There are lots of studies showing long term benefits of breastfeeding at a population level (so only some people will be impacted).

Again @Smallmercies?

That is not true.

For me, the ‘benefits’ were just a bonus really. I Usually have a healthy amount of suspicion around anything that is pushed so wildly,
I enjoying breastfeeding. It was tough to start with, but once we established it I loved it. Some of my favourite memories. So I will never feel scammed