AIBU to feel scammed by breastfeeding

[PickledElectricity]

Kind of joking, kind of not.

I breastfed my DS until he was 19 months old (he's now 2) and despite this he's had every bug going at nursery, is allergic to nuts and now seems to have hay fever! I'm gutted as he loves to be outside and is now sneezing, congested, has puffy red eyes and a runny nose.

Where are the miracle benefits I was promised?!

Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad I did it, it was lovely for bonding and saved my life and sanity in the middle of the night, and tbh I am a very lazy person and couldn't face washing and sterilising bottles every single day.

Again, these benefits are only detectable at population level, plus they are offset by risks specific to breastfeeding, eg HIV transmission or failure to thrive due to insufficient milk.

You should feel guilty for being a judgemental POS

There are also risks specific to breastfeeding mothers, eg dysphoric milk ejection reflex DMER, which is horrible.

Some children lose more from being raised by judgmental mothers than they gain from being breastfed.

There is when the judgment is as horrible as yours, my sweetpea blossom.

Yes, but effects at a population level will obviously affect some people.

Definitely give the pros and cons, but don’t leave things out as you see fit is the point I’m making.

For example, crohns is in my family so I’d be interested in reducing risk for my DC if I could at all (worth a try at least, for me). HIV I wouldn’t need to worry about luckily. Obviously for someone else the risk/benefit analysis would be different, but it’s their decision to make, not yours.

Of course! But women are only ever told about benefits, not risks. And the benefits are presented as being attainable by individual babies, which is just not true.

It's the same with birth; women are told about the risks of cesareans vs the benefits of vaginal birth, when both have risks and benefits.

Well, tell people about that too then.
Then they’ll recognise it if they experience it if they choose to BF.

Pros and cons.

The point is, no one ever does! Breastfeeding is presented as having only benefits.

I actually found a lot of benefits of breastfeeding. I fed both of mine until they were 4. I lost all my baby weight without having to diet, while many other children seemed to often get illnesses and need antibiotics mine never did and neither have needed braces. I think in terms of sleep I benefited massively with not having to get up and make bottles. After a bit of practice I could just pop them on the boob and go back to sleep.

The only negatives were how much you do have to persevere with breastfeeding at times. For example to start with the excruciating pain for a few seconds, mastitis and thrush appeared a bit. It would make me laugh when people would say 'oh, are you still breastfeeding? You're still enjoying it then?' No, I'm not doing this for my own enjoyment! Bloody mastitis or thrush on my nipples is hardly enjoyable!! I'm doing this for the benefits to my child!

See I actually think that only talking about the benefits of breastfeeding and not any of the risks or downsides is more likely to play into the hands of the formula companies. If you're not warned about cluster feeding (in case it puts you off 🙄) for example then you're surely more likely to think you have low supply than if you have sensible advice about normal feeding and the risk of dehydration.

This is very true! Realistic expectations can be very helpful. Most breastfeeding problems can be overcome with time and support.

I have seen women at risk of sepsis from breast abscesses, and I have seen formula feeding mums glowing with health and enjoyment of their babies because they were getting enough sleep. Pros and cons. No moral judgment.

And the benefits are presented as being attainable by individual babies, which is just not true.

If so, that is a misunderstanding that needs to be addressed by those running antenatal classes etc.

I have to say I always understood benefits in terms of ‘lowering the chances’ etc, not as absolute certainties.

Definitely agree with @WhatNoRaisins about the importance of new mothers knowing any potential issues of breastfeeding. Much easier to address something if you know it’s normal, or a phase etc.

I'd never heard of that, but it reminds me of how I used to feel when pre-menstrual when feeding my DC. I didn't start my periods for 2 years but after that for a few days pre-menstrually I really hated breastfeeding. I'd start telling my friend I wanted to stop. Then my period started and I'd be fine.

But the way you’re speaking here does seem to be in favour of FF @Smallmercies. The examples you give are quite negative towards BF.
It’s one thing being realistic, that’s what we want…but I can’t help feel you actually support FF rather than BF.
That’s not your choice to make for others. You say you work in this area and I’m not sure the advice you give can be neutral?
It’s certainly not coming across as such to me.

I'm not here in a professional capacity, remember - my job is to support and promote breastfeeding but also to support formula feeding parents. I'm not at all negative towards breastfeeding, I think it's amazing. But I also think formula feeding is amazing. And I support parents to achieve their feeding journey, with their babies. I can't put it any more clearly than that, and if you read that as anti-breastfeeding then that's not my problem.

When I had my eldest almost 18 years ago it was all 'breast is best' prior to birth but once the babies were born the midwives seemed to make any excuse to feed them formula. I had to be quite determined to stick to exclusive breastfeeding. I hope women are given more support these days.

Yadnbu it's the droopy boobs for me.
Why does no one tell you that before

@Smallmercies
Okay then. No, I wouldn’t read that as anti BF obviously 😁
The previous comments seemed to be promoting FF over BF.
I think you just wanted to be realistic perhaps? But taken on their own, a bit negative.

Remember this is on a thread where some highly unrealistic claims have been made about breastfeeding, and some horrible judgment against formula feeders has been expressed! I was trying to provide some balance 😊

That was mainly one poster I think (hope).

There were many derogatory comments from parents who have not breastfed if you look back through, not just their experiences.

And I disagree that people wouldn't be put off breastfeeding reading this. There is a lot of misinformation being posted here.

That seems more like some people misunderstanding statistics. I had a C section and my DD’s gut health seems fine, but that doesn’t mean I doubt the high quality research which suggests vaginal birth is preferable for gut health, even though I can’t physically see any issues in my DD.