TW? This wasn't right was it? Parents and sex.

[BunsenBurnerAccount]

I dont know if this needs a TW so here is one anyway.

Name change.

Sorry it's long. I've never listed it like this and I just kept remembering more things.

TLDR: As a child, I often walked in on my parents having sex and they would also act inappropriately around me. How do I get over this without counselling?

This has always bothered me and I'm pretty sure it has led to some of my weird hang ups/prudishness about sex. It's not right is it? Or was it just unfortunate, with a few inappropriate jokes?

I don't want counselling for various reasons so any suggestions on how to get over this, even if it is just me being overly sensitive would be much appreciated.

My parents were very open about their physical sex life and were not discreet even when 4 kids were in the house. My mum was all "this is my house, I'll do what I like" and my dad just thought we needed to grow up and how did we think they had 4 kids. I don't know if my siblings are the same as me but I'm guessing so.

I remember walking in on them having sex a lot. We weren't allowed in their room so they had privacy there but they would still have sex in the living room and kitchen even knowing we were home. I even walked in on them on the stairs. They'd stop, my dad would swear at me and they'd both give me a filthy look and sulk with me for ages afterwards.

We shared a cabin on a ferry. We weren't allowed to go explore by ourselves so we had to wait for them while "they had a shower". They were having sex in the shower. We'd only left the house that morning. I needed the toilet so went in and I could hear them still doing something behind the curtain while I was having a wee.

We were camping and the "bedrooms" were separated by a bit of fabric. My Dad was making very graphic comments to my mum and more. The next morning my Dad asked whether we'd learned anything about the birds and the bees last night.

We were unpacking in a caravan and I went into their room (open door). My dad saw me, randomly jumped on all fours and started thrusting. He said "just testing it out for your mother later". I just walked out but heard him say to my mum "she won't even understand and we don't need to worry about that when she looks like that do we?".

We had 2 cats and they'd both make comments when the "pussys were being licked". My dad once said "it's a shame we dont have more pussies". My sister asked if we could get more and my Dad said "yes please" and my mum said she'd think about it. Lots of comments about looking at pussies when we (the kids) went away on various camps. When we got home my sister asked whether they'd got any more cats and they both laughed and said that they had very much enjoyed stroking and looking at all the pussies but that we weren't getting any more cats. I remember my sister being heartbroken.

They used to get the bedsheets messy (I don't know how) and my mum would make sure we all knew they were being washed because of "nooky".

They had very, very loud sex. They'd also then have a shower together afterwards and be very loud in there. I was regularly woken up.

I was woken up by my dad shouting at my brother (who used to try to get into their bed) that he was "trying to give your mother a seeing to so get lost".

My dad worked away sometimes and mum had some friends around. One of them bought her a vibrator and my mum started rubbing it on herself to lots of squarks and lewd comments. That would be ok if that's your sort of thing but the room had me and other children all watching. One of them asked what it was and their mother said something like "your dad can show you later". WTF?! All the adults found it hilarious.

And so on and so on...

I've reread this and although a lot of these examples are my dad doing something, my mum was no victim and would also join in.

To make it clear, they never tried to involve me and never made any sexual comments or acts involving me. I never felt unsafe, just really grossed out and embarrassed and upset. I have no reason to think they did with my siblings either. It was more about them being indiscreet and having sex banter in front of us.

Obviously they'd deny all this. No doubt I've misremembered some of this but there is enough "truth" to get an idea of the sort of things.

Over-exposure to your parents sex life is traumatic and complex. Please do seek a professional to help you safely explore your experiences.

OP, you're very brave for sharing this, it can't have been easy, and I hope posting about it has helped you get some of it off your chest a little.

This is absolutely child sexual abuse. I'm sorry you've had bad experiences with therapist. Please consider reaching out to a charity that specialises in sexual abuse.

I'm so sorry for your experiences, OP. I hope you manage to find some peace from this.

OP I am so sorry that you had to endure this. You were sexually abused and so were your siblings. I know you say you do not want counselling and that is totally up to you but you really need to work through this so you can have a better quality of life and relationships. You deserve that. Sex is a beautiful act but your experiences may not allow you to connect with your self enough to enjoy it.
I hope sharing your horrific experiences on here will give you some confidence to get support or at least be kinder to yourself.
take care x

Firstly @BunsenBurnerAccount I'm really sorry you experienced this.
None of their behaviour was right or normal or safe.

I can understand the reluctance to try therapy again, but would encourage you to do some research.

I met a couple with several children at a holiday park in the late 90s. They were happy to chat to me, young single mum, whilst our kids played.
From nowhere they bring up sex education. (My child isn't at school yet, most of theirs were I think) They tell me that they actually have shown their children how babies are made by making them watch them fuck on the sofa.

This has haunted me more than 25 years. I was very young and didn't know what I could do or say.
I'm sorry to those children 😔.

This sounds awful so it’s no wonder you are traumatised.

I have no words of wisdom but hope you find someone/something to help.

I’m also worried why 2% of people think you are unreasonable.

So sorry for what you have been through, what happened to you was wrong and should not have happened to you.

it can be hard to find the right counsellor, some of them are awful but please don’t give up on counselling itself, as with the right person it can be very healing.

This is horrific. Your parents should be in jail.

Yes. Made me think of them too. Gross

I'm so sorry to hear this and that therapy hasn't helped before. I would encourage you to find another reputable therapist as there are good people out there who can help. Fwiw i found a therapist who actually specialised in child therapy very helpful for me when working through childhood trauma.

Its called 'non contact child sexual abuse', you can find info on the NSPCC website. Your parents may also have been exhibitionists.
If this is something you could just get over, you would probably have done that yourself by now. It would be worth thinking about suitable therapy.

None of what they did is ok or appropriate. As a mother that honestly sickens me. I cannot ever imagine behaving that way and speaking that way around my children. I am so sorry you went through that. Your parents are repulsive

Although it’s not physical sexual abuse it’s still sexual abuse because they exposed to you to totally inappropriate sexual acts / discussion etc when you were a child. The reason this kind of behaviour is abuse is precisely because of the negative impact it’s still having on you years later. Parents should protect children from this, not introduce it to them. I hope you’re okay, OP. Do you think you could speak to a therapist?

Christ almighty.

OP, please do not think of yourself as a prude. You have not had a healthy childhood and your attitudes to sex are shaped by trauma. It's no wonder you don't want to talk out loud about it.

I wish you well in finding a way to overcome this.

That really is awful OP I'm so sorry

I'm so so sorry this happened to you op, it is sickening.

It is sexual abuse, even if there was no physical contact.

I fully agree there.
Dont go for your standard counsellor. Theyre likely be rubbish at it for the issues you mention.

I am struggling with childhood trauma too @BunsenBurnerAccount and it’s finding a trauma aware counsellor that made the difference. She is also doing EMRD too which is indicated in the case of trauma (and you don’t need to talk as much!!).

Otherwise I’d look at the work of Gabor Mate. I am finding his technique of using imagination to support the ‘you child’ really helpful.
Also the work from David Treleaven on Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness.

Have a look at ACEs, adverse childhood experiences. I did a bit of trauma training at school.

Oh OP, I’m so sorry you have been through this. How awful. Really awful.
And I’m sorry your experiences with therapists have not worked out for you in the past.
Do you have a trusted friend you could talk to? Just the fact you are talking on here will already help you get it off your chest. Bringing it to awareness like you did, will help you process all these feelings.

Incredibly inappropriate comment to the OP who has experienced child sexual abuse. Reported

Seriously wtf? I’ve seen you post like a normal person elsewhere I’m sure??

Bloody hell. What an unhinged comment to make. It’s never, ever okay to be sexually explicit in front of a child. It’s always frightening for a child.

This was abusive and actually a crime. I had to skip a lot of the post OP as it was upsetting me but please know YANBU.

Really sorry about this but it reminds me so much of Fred and Rose West and what they subjected their kids too (obviously there was murder involved there too) but that is really horrific for you. No one should have to witness that. Please see a doctor about counselling.