How would moving in with a non beef eater work for you?

[Losdy]

About to move in with my Sikh boyfriend. He doesn’t eat beef. Weirdly one of his sisters does and so do a few of his cousins. He says they just ended up eating beef when they moved out but he finds the idea squeamish. Fair enough.

So I try to be considerate and not order it when we go out. Boyfriend said he doesn’t mind me ordering. Occasionally if I am craving a burger I will order it with bf in attendance. But do my best not to. It’s worked out fine as obviously it’s not that much of a sacrifice with it being the occasional meal.

Anyway, now we are moving in I’m really not sure what to do. Is it okay for me to keep beef in the fridge? We eat a lot of the same meals but boyfriend will make turkey chilli for example when I would have made it with beef mince.

Boyfriend said that nowhere does it explicitly state that Sikhs are prohibited to eat beef. It’s more a cultural thing and something done out of respect as Sikhs often live in close proximity to Hindus in India so they tend not to eat it out of respect. Boyfriend said he was told from a young age that cows give you milk like your mother so out of respect he was raised not to eat beef. An idea which he can’t shake off even though he has no moral obligation. A bit brainwash-y but oh well. AND some of his family members eat it!

So why do I feel like a bad person for not wanting to sacrifice beef for the rest of my life. Especially when it’s not even a religious command for him.

what would you do if it were you? I’m sure plenty of people are in similar situations

My DH doesn't eat beef for the same reason. I don't like it much myself but I'll order it if I fancy it when I'm out. I'll have it at home occassionally but neither of us can be bothered to cook separate dinners usually so I just make turkey mince or veggie (my preference). It's really not a big deal, especially when he is relaxed about it.

I don't think it's really the biggest sacrifice?
You can eat it when out for meals etc.
I don't think I would really give it much thought.

It's better for bodies and the planet to have a low meat diet anyway

Because it's his choice not yours. Of course you can keep beef in the fridge and order a steak in a restaurant. What if he was a vegan would you have given up all animal products? It sounds like he is OK with you eating beef (and so he should be) so what's the problem?

Lots of Sikhs avoid beef. There is nothing particularly "brainwash-y" about it. Most British people would avoid eating dog. Also for cultural reasons rather than religious ones.

He has said that he doesn't mind you eating it, so I'm not really sure what the issue is?

You can ask him if it’s ok to keep beef in the fridge. I think you’re overthinking it- he’s told he’s ok if you eat it in his presence so go for it when you fancy some. I wouldn’t be bothered as I prefer poultry and fish but I get it if someone else wants more red meat and don’t mind at all.

To be honest I don't know many people who eat beef on a regular basis. I could certainly easily live without it.
So it certainly wouldn't bother me. If I fancied a steak or burger I'd get them while out. Presuming he doesn't mind eating near you while you consume it in a restaurant?
Most people I know eat mainly fish and white meat, or are vegetarian.

Talk to him.

it’s just like moving in with a veggie except it’s easier, surely.

you eat beef when you feel like it and he doesn’t.

if you’re out no problem. If he’s cooking, then he won’t cook beef.

if you’re cooking for him, don’t use beef. If you’re cooking just for yourself then use whatever the hell you want.

(speaking as a vegan)

There's plenty of alternatives, and it sounds like hes got no issue with you having it so I wouldn't even consider that an issue. It's not like he's strict vegetarian and every meal would be impacted.
I would clarify his stance on potential children having it though.

Ask him how he feels about you eating/cooking it in a house you share.
If he would prefer you not to then you can eat other meat or wait until he is out.
Its not like he needs Halal/Kosher/Vegetarian so cross contamination shouldn't be an issue.

I guess I just find it annoying that I feel obliged. Especially as there is no religious command to not eat beef. Like I said his own sister and cousins will make steak at home. Wish boyfriend wouldn’t be so squeamish. It makes me feel like a bad person

He's not asking you to give up beef. You can eat beef anytime you want?

Personally I'd probably not bother with beef in the home as it's not worth cooking 2 seperate bologneses etc. Id maybe buy the odd steak but tbh I think beef is pretty easy to live without day to day. But I wouldnt avoid eating beef in a restaurant if he was there, its his choice not yours

Sounds like a you problem though. He’s not made it obligatory and any way from what you have written so far.

There’s just a lot of inconsistencies - he and his parents give their dogs bone marrow as a treat

He says he’s happy for you to order beef. So why don’t you, does he make comments or faces when you do have a burger?

I wouldn’t see it as a big deal, I’d generally avoid beef at home as it’s a pain to make two meals and there are often good substitutes. But if I fancied a burger or a steak particularly when out I would just get one.

Get over yourself, you eat what you want and he can eat what he wants. I’m vegan, DH won’t eat a meal unless something has died for it. Doesn’t make any difference

I’m happy to make any food adjustments that are medically necessary. Since this is philosophical, I would tell him that I eat beef. He can choose to live with me and have beef cooked in the house or we can not live together. I wouldn’t have adjusted my eating on dates though. People are free to do their own thing, but I won’t indulge them by participating or changing my behavior.

From what you've said, he's not said anything to make you feel obliged. It's like moving in with someone who is vegetarian. You can continue to eat how you like if you don't mind cooking seperate meals, he seems to have made it clear that he doesn't mind beef in the house etc.

He doesn't eat beef - it's not that he's not allowed to be in the vicinity of it.

Carry on eating it when you want. You eating it isn't affecting him.

His beliefs are his, not yours. His religious and cultural practices are his own and should not affect your decisions.

I am vegetarian and have been for very many years. DH and some of the DC aren't. We have meat in the house. It is their home as much as mine and they are entitled to have food they like in it even if I hate it.

Just don’t eat beef at home, have it when out?

It’s pretty easy to avoid.

He doesn’t care and hasn’t asked you to. Where’s the obligation? I don’t eat pork because whilst I’m atheist, and don’t actually believe there’s anything specifically dirty about pigs, I’m Jewish, and I have whatever cultural conditioning that leaves you with. I imagine your boyfriend has the same in relation to beef.

DH and I often cook and eat separate meals, simply because we often don’t want to eat the same things. It’s never been an issue whatsoever. You don’t have to intertwine every aspect of your life with somebody else’s just because you’re in a relationship.

You don’t need to sacrifice. I don’t eat pork but exes who did did not quit. He knows what he is getting into dating you. If it does not bother him
It should not bother you.

How often would you eat beef on an average week anyway ? WHO and BHF recommend I think no more than twice a week.

OP this definitely sounds like a "YOU" problem.

Ps. Good luck in your new home together, sure you will work it out.

He has said he wouldn’t want future kids eating beef. I have no problem with that.