How would moving in with a non beef eater work for you?

[Losdy]

About to move in with my Sikh boyfriend. He doesn’t eat beef. Weirdly one of his sisters does and so do a few of his cousins. He says they just ended up eating beef when they moved out but he finds the idea squeamish. Fair enough.

So I try to be considerate and not order it when we go out. Boyfriend said he doesn’t mind me ordering. Occasionally if I am craving a burger I will order it with bf in attendance. But do my best not to. It’s worked out fine as obviously it’s not that much of a sacrifice with it being the occasional meal.

Anyway, now we are moving in I’m really not sure what to do. Is it okay for me to keep beef in the fridge? We eat a lot of the same meals but boyfriend will make turkey chilli for example when I would have made it with beef mince.

Boyfriend said that nowhere does it explicitly state that Sikhs are prohibited to eat beef. It’s more a cultural thing and something done out of respect as Sikhs often live in close proximity to Hindus in India so they tend not to eat it out of respect. Boyfriend said he was told from a young age that cows give you milk like your mother so out of respect he was raised not to eat beef. An idea which he can’t shake off even though he has no moral obligation. A bit brainwash-y but oh well. AND some of his family members eat it!

So why do I feel like a bad person for not wanting to sacrifice beef for the rest of my life. Especially when it’s not even a religious command for him.

what would you do if it were you? I’m sure plenty of people are in similar situations

I think your being unreasonable and disregarding his feelings/culture. If this was a reverse we would all be saying you are a huge red flag

I'm vegan and my DH is pescetarian. He has fish in the fridge. Whilst I wish he'd go vegan, he isn't, and it is his fridge as much as it is mine. He knows that I will only ever cook vegan meals and so he cooks his own fish when he wants it and that is usually when I'm at work.

What you need to do is have a chat with him and tell him how you feel. It doesn't appear from your comments that he would be fervently against you storing beef in a shared fridge.

What if he simply didn’t like it?

He’s not telling you what to do. He’s told you that he doesn’t mind you eating it. You are the one that is making it difficult!

I’m a life long vegetarian. DH is not. Not a problem!

Personally I don't see it as a big issue and tbh a lot less disruptive and less hassle than dating someone with a nut allergy or lactose intolerant or gluten intolerant etc etc.

Lots of people (everyone) have inconsistencies in their behaviour. That's normal. So he buys dog treats but doesn't eat beef, so what?

What’s the big deal?! He’s fine with you eating beef, so why is this a problem?

It sounds like you resent his not eating beef. He's not trying to restrict your diet and I think you're being unreasonable about his dietary choices.

I think you are being a bit daft
he’s not bothered so why are you making an issue of it when you don’t need to ?

I think it would be considerate not to keep beef in the fridge at home, or cook it at home.

I lived in a student houseshare that was mostly vegetarians - I wasn't - but they were my friends so I was happy just to eat meat when I was out, or getting a take-away. I understood why they didn't want to smell meat cooking or see meat in their fridge.

You don't sound as understanding of your boyfriend. It doesn't matter if other family members eat beef, he doesn't want to. If he wants to give up on red meat, but has a bacon butty, it's shouldn't be a 'gotcha' moment for you.

You don't sound supportive of him, you seem to want to prove that his dietary preferences are wrong.

Well although I do really like the costume it wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me. Perhaps he could dress up as something else?

I'm vegetarian. I gave my cat cat food with meat in it, cooked chicken for her and bought fish,

How often are you eating beef that this is a major sacrifice? Non of your posts say that he says you can’t eat it in the house? You’re the one choosing not to have it at restaurants too when he says he doesn’t mind. I think you’re making a bigger deal out of it than you need to and for some reason trying to reason him into eating beef?

I think your bigger issues are what’s your future, are you going to accept his religion and culture, even the less convenient parts. are you going to convert, are there other parts of his religion that are going to impact you or your lack of religion(or alternative religion?) that will impact him. He doesn’t want kids eating beef, well how will you stop them if you are? And does that mean he wants them to follow his religion, that you don’t follow, how will you encourage that. I think if this is already such a big problem for you, then you’re going to get stuck on the real issues.

If you’re going to move in together, you need to learn to be respectful of each other’s choices. ie he needs to respect that you’ll have beef in the house as much as you respect he doesn’t want to eat it.

can you keep it in the fridge? Yes. It’s your fridge as much as his.

its making you feel like a bad person? That’s a you issue.

lots of Sikhs eat all meats, his choice is not to eat beef but it doesn’t mean he’s saying you can’t.

as for not wanting your future kids to eat beef, I wouldn’t agree to that right now. You have no idea what you’ll want when kids arrive.

i know lots of vegetarians who still feed their pet cats and dogs meat, doesn’t seem at all strange to me.

YABVU

He isn’t making you feel bad. You are choosing to feel bad.

You’re making a lot of ridiculous excuses to find fault in him not eating beef.

If it’s such a deal breaker for you, don’t move in with him and let him find someone who isn’t so bothered by this.

Not eating beef is not the end of the world and extremely weird hill to die on when he isn’t stopping you from eating it and says he doesn’t mind you eating it.

No I just find it odd that he will literally go out of his way to get bone marrow for his family dogs (and so do his parents). Yet, he refuses to eat it himself.

I find it odd that you find this odd. Do you not buy things for people or pets, you wouldn’t buy and/or use yourself?

Agree with others that you're unnecessarily making a big deal of this.

Do you feel like he's judging you for eating beef? Is that where this issue comes from?

Lots of Sikhs are vegetarian, so at least you are spared that!

It's not hypocritical in the least for him to feed his parents dogs bones. Dogs are carnivorous and need meat.

Why do you feel obliged?

In our home we each don't eat some things. We are rather lazy cooks, so we prefer to cook meals both of us can eat.
We often pick the things the other one wouldn't eat when eating out, cook them when the other one is away, or cook in a separable way.

You absolutely can have a steak when eating out. I wouldn't hesitate about bringing cold ready to eat meat to home either.
Cooking can be discussed, mostly timing/utensils, not necessarily whether.

I would see bigger issue about potential future kids - I don't think his request is reasonable. Maybe a compromise could be that the children wouldn't eat beef with him at home, like a family meal, but would be free to do it when just with you and outside home?
If he doesn't agree, it would be time to discuss his beliefs and it's potential influence to you and your potential family in more details, because it is improbable that the beef would be the only problem.

This is how it would go in my house but if I really liked him, I'd get over myself

m.youtube.com/watch?v=kK1YpYr5fn0&pp=ygUZYWlyIGFmcmlrYWFucyBiZWVmIG9yIGNvdw%3D%3D

Is this serious? I’m vegetarian and my husband isn’t and this has never been the slightest issue. That must be pretty common?!

I was a vegetarian when Dh and I met. I didn’t allow any meat in my house (we were long distance, so he would stay with me for like a month or two at a time during uni holidays). When we actually moved in together officially and got married, I cooked no meat or fish. It didn’t mean he couldn’t eat it, he’d just have to cook it himself and 6 days out of 7 he couldn’t really be asked, so we were pretty much vegetarian at home.

I wouldn’t overthink this. You won’t exactly be eating every meal together anyway, just because you live together. I think if you are creating a life together, you need to work out what your ‘family culture’ will be. It may be no beef at home, but you and future children eat it outside the house. It could be that you eat normally and he just doesn’t eat beef. It could be you all forego beef (realistically all of us should cut down on our red meat consumption).

One thing I would hugely recommend is pre-marital sessions to help you decide these key issues. I come from a different religion and nationality to Dh and our wedding officiant required us to do a number of counselling sessions with her to hash all this out before we got married. It was really invaluable and meant there were no surprises! We were very much on the same page, but it was nice to actually know that before we said I do.

Is venison ok for Sikhs? Because I think it’s nicer than beef.

Your comfortable enough to move in together, so why not talk to him about it.

LTB (Love That Beef).

Well, you sound like a bit of an idiot. God forbid you have to consider the dietary preferences of someone you purport to love.

I don't think this relationship is going to work out, not because he doesn't eat beef, but because you are exceedingly judgemental about his choices. A choice doesn't need to be based on religion to be valid.

He's trying to eat less pork because he feels it's the right thing, he hasn't said he no longer eats pork and until he does then he he's not being inconsistent to eat it sometimes.

... and from what you have written, he hasn't said you need to stop eating beef so there's no need for you to 'sacrifice' anything.

I think he deserves someone less judgemental of the decisions he makes for himself, what his family do or don't do what his religion says or doesn't say a completely irrelevant this is a choice he is making for himself and if you can't respect that I think you need to walk away and leave him free to find someone who will.