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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would moving in with a non beef eater work for you?

119 replies

Losdy · 10/04/2025 20:48

About to move in with my Sikh boyfriend. He doesn’t eat beef. Weirdly one of his sisters does and so do a few of his cousins. He says they just ended up eating beef when they moved out but he finds the idea squeamish. Fair enough.

So I try to be considerate and not order it when we go out. Boyfriend said he doesn’t mind me ordering. Occasionally if I am craving a burger I will order it with bf in attendance. But do my best not to. It’s worked out fine as obviously it’s not that much of a sacrifice with it being the occasional meal.

Anyway, now we are moving in I’m really not sure what to do. Is it okay for me to keep beef in the fridge? We eat a lot of the same meals but boyfriend will make turkey chilli for example when I would have made it with beef mince.

Boyfriend said that nowhere does it explicitly state that Sikhs are prohibited to eat beef. It’s more a cultural thing and something done out of respect as Sikhs often live in close proximity to Hindus in India so they tend not to eat it out of respect. Boyfriend said he was told from a young age that cows give you milk like your mother so out of respect he was raised not to eat beef. An idea which he can’t shake off even though he has no moral obligation. A bit brainwash-y but oh well. AND some of his family members eat it!

So why do I feel like a bad person for not wanting to sacrifice beef for the rest of my life. Especially when it’s not even a religious command for him.

what would you do if it were you? I’m sure plenty of people are in similar situations

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 10/04/2025 22:31

It's hardly a sacrifice, there are plenty of other meats. I can't stand beef personally and never eat it.

BlondiePortz · 10/04/2025 22:35

I would eat you are not asking him not too, same as my husband can eat what he like it doesn't affect me

BlondiePortz · 10/04/2025 22:35

I would eat you are not asking him not too, same as my husband can eat what he like it doesn't affect me

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 10/04/2025 22:38

Losdy · 10/04/2025 21:02

He has said he wouldn’t want future kids eating beef. I have no problem with that.

I think you will find this is more of an issue. How will you explain to a five year old that mummy can eat a burger but they can't eat a burger? Will he try to belittle your choice to eat beef in front of them? I haven't eaten beef in decades but I don't stop the rest of the family eating it. I don't cook beef and will use other mince instead but it has always been up to the children what they eat.

Is he quite controlling? Will he make comments if you are eating beef/ keeping it in the fridge? I don't think that either of you are wrong but it does seem like for both of you it is quite a big deal.

Doitrightnow · 10/04/2025 22:40

I would switch to venison!
I switched to venison last year as it was cheaper and more environmentally friendly than beef. I use venison mince to make bolognase, chilli and burgers and now find it much more flavoursome than beef.

suki1964 · 10/04/2025 22:43

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest tbh

Beef is ruddy expensive, we eat very little of it in the home. Like your partner I make chilli and lasagne using poultry, yes the texture is different but actually nicer - just have to adjust seasonings

My sisters family are Muslim - No Pork or pork products. I cant do a shared BBQ if they are coming, have to have two on the go so no cross contamination but it's really not a bother. For my wedding for example I chose a mostly vegetarian menu and had chicken and fish for flesh eaters separate - not mixed dishes so everyone was catered for ( yeah I was catering for vegans and vegetarian as well as muslims )

If they are staying over and its a cooked brekkie all round and I cba batch cooking, its no bother swapping the meats out - beef sausages instead of pork, turkey rashers instead of bacon for example - Im sure you can work this out

Booboobagins · 10/04/2025 22:44

That's not the most difficult thing to accommodate is it? How often do you eat beef?

Try living with a vegan....

ElbowsUp · 10/04/2025 22:44

I've been vegetarian for a few years but ate meat for decades, but not beef.

We never had it home, growing up, and so I became a bit squeamish about it (although did try burgers on a couple of occasions). I definitely wouldn't be able to eat anything rare.

Am completely unbothered by other people having it in my presence, or it being kept in the fridge. Sounds like your bf is the same and that the issue exists entirely in your head.

phoenixrosehere · 10/04/2025 22:46

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 22:25

I don't think this relationship is going to work out, not because he doesn't eat beef, but because you are exceedingly judgemental about his choices. A choice doesn't need to be based on religion to be valid.

He's trying to eat less pork because he feels it's the right thing, he hasn't said he no longer eats pork and until he does then he he's not being inconsistent to eat it sometimes.

... and from what you have written, he hasn't said you need to stop eating beef so there's no need for you to 'sacrifice' anything.

I think he deserves someone less judgemental of the decisions he makes for himself, what his family do or don't do what his religion says or doesn't say a completely irrelevant this is a choice he is making for himself and if you can't respect that I think you need to walk away and leave him free to find someone who will.

Agree. There is quite a bit of unnecessary questioning related to his food and his religion that makes no sense given he isn’t stopping her from eating what she wants.

It’s almost like she is trying to catch him out in some way as if people not liking and/or eating certain foods is out of the ordinary and amongst couples.

My DH and I have completely different diets and eating habits. It doesn’t stop me from picking up a steak for him when I won’t eat it or him picking up something I eat and he doesn’t.

ElbowsUp · 10/04/2025 22:48

Also, it really isn't uncommon for people to internalize the societal norms of where they live, re. which meats are acceptable to eat and which are not. Horse meat being an obvious one that many British people are squeamish about.

Thismomlikesknitting · 10/04/2025 22:50

My husband does not eat pork our relationship has worked fine.
I cook pork at home me and the children eat it.

WhenICalledYouLastNightFromTesco · 10/04/2025 22:52

Booboobagins · 10/04/2025 22:44

That's not the most difficult thing to accommodate is it? How often do you eat beef?

Try living with a vegan....

Do you have experience of living with a vegan? Or are you just shit-stirring?

I'm vegan and have never dictated my DH's dietary preferences.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 10/04/2025 22:56

Losdy · 10/04/2025 20:57

There’s just a lot of inconsistencies - he and his parents give their dogs bone marrow as a treat

Edited

It's not the dog's religious belief or cultural practice, is it?

CurlewKate · 10/04/2025 22:56

He is happy for you to eat beef. Can’t see the problem, frankly.

BlueIsTheSea · 10/04/2025 23:00

I think in all honesty, that if this is an issue right now you need to re think. You don't respect his beliefs and ideas and you don't want to put limitations on your life because of them. That's fine, that is your choice and when I say don't respect I don't mean that you are a bad person but you don't share the same values and see inconsistencies in the choices he makes.

Miiaaoow · 10/04/2025 23:02

It's literally as simple as having a conversation to see how he really feels about it. If it bothers him? Don't keep it in the house. If it doesn't bother him? Enjoy!

YABU to move in with someone that you don't seem to be able to communicate with.

Streaaa · 10/04/2025 23:04

OP i would find this tedious as it is so random and changeable.

Don't rush into moving in.
You may not be compatible.

Wrongsideofpennines · 10/04/2025 23:06

My partner is vegetarian and so are our kids but I am not. I can keep meat in the fridge and eat it whenever I like. I tend not to because it doesn't make sense for me to be having a separate meal to the rest of the family but when we go out I choose what I want to eat which invariably includes meat. My partner has no issue with this.

I think you're overthinking it and really can't see your dilema. It's not like a dangerous allergy so of course you can keep beef in the fridge or eat it when you're out.

ArtTheClown · 10/04/2025 23:07

I'm surprised at all the people talking like eating beef is a rarity, I mean mince and stewing beef are major staples of the British diet.

SpottedDonkey · 10/04/2025 23:07

Eat venison instead. It’s both tastier & healthier than beef.

Lovelysummerdays · 10/04/2025 23:10

I probably would just have it when
out occasionally as I’m lazy and can’t be bothered cooking two meals. I’ve been vegan/ veggie/ pescatarian at home when living with different people. I think the only time it bothered me was vegan as I liked a morning coffee. Then discovered oatly barista and all was right with the world.

qwertyasdfgzxcv · 10/04/2025 23:10

I would just avoid it. It's one ingredient. Genuinely, it wouldn't be a hardship if the person was important to me.

maddening · 10/04/2025 23:12

I am veggie (for 30 years so far), my son and husband eat meat and I have no issue with it.

ItGhoul · 10/04/2025 23:20

This is a non-issue. You can eat as much beef as you want. He hasn’t said you can’t keep beef in the fridge or order steaks. He has clearly he said he doesn’t mind if you order beef when he’s there. He doesn’t care. You are inventing a problem where no problem exists and the way you’re obsessing over it is, frankly, a bit weird.

It’s literally one foodstuff and he isn’t stopping you eating it, so why are you making a needless drama out of it?

The fact that he might give bone marrow to his dogs is irrelevant. Just because he doesn’t want to eat something himself, that doesn’t mean he can’t feed it to a dog. What do you think vegetarian pet owners feed their dogs and cats with? I’ll give you a clue: it isn’t vegetables.

SGBK4862 · 10/04/2025 23:20

We didn't eat beef for years as it was thought you could get "mad cow disease" from it. I just bought pork or lamb instead. No hardship at all, it was never my favourite meat. We eat it now as no one's getting MCD, kids like burgers and it's much lower in saturated fat than other red meats and we aim to eat more healthily.

Just have it when you're out or cook separately sometimes. Personally I'd give up meat altogether if my DH suddenly wanted to be vegetarian, even though I do like it.

If this is your biggest problem all will be well!