How would moving in with a non beef eater work for you?

[Losdy]

About to move in with my Sikh boyfriend. He doesn’t eat beef. Weirdly one of his sisters does and so do a few of his cousins. He says they just ended up eating beef when they moved out but he finds the idea squeamish. Fair enough.

So I try to be considerate and not order it when we go out. Boyfriend said he doesn’t mind me ordering. Occasionally if I am craving a burger I will order it with bf in attendance. But do my best not to. It’s worked out fine as obviously it’s not that much of a sacrifice with it being the occasional meal.

Anyway, now we are moving in I’m really not sure what to do. Is it okay for me to keep beef in the fridge? We eat a lot of the same meals but boyfriend will make turkey chilli for example when I would have made it with beef mince.

Boyfriend said that nowhere does it explicitly state that Sikhs are prohibited to eat beef. It’s more a cultural thing and something done out of respect as Sikhs often live in close proximity to Hindus in India so they tend not to eat it out of respect. Boyfriend said he was told from a young age that cows give you milk like your mother so out of respect he was raised not to eat beef. An idea which he can’t shake off even though he has no moral obligation. A bit brainwash-y but oh well. AND some of his family members eat it!

So why do I feel like a bad person for not wanting to sacrifice beef for the rest of my life. Especially when it’s not even a religious command for him.

what would you do if it were you? I’m sure plenty of people are in similar situations

You’re being weird. Nobody’s obliging you to do or not do anything.

You feeling obliged is a you problem.

you haven’t said anything that indicates he cares on any way what you eat.

i’m vegan and I don’t care what other people eat.

Is this a reverse?

Hmm I tend to eat beef a fair amount in chilli, stir frys, tacos, burgers, spag bol etc. Boyfriend uses lamb and turkey mince as substitutes for those meals. But he’s going off lamb and pork as well recently for ethical reasons.

But he’s so inconsistent! It’s all on his whim cause he ate bacon sarnies for lunch today as he fancied it. Despite saying he was working towards cutting out lamb and pork

Honestly, this is such a non problem...

My partner doesn't eat seafood because he thinks its gross. I do. No problem.

One of my best friends is a Muslim. He's quite happy to sit in the pub with me and have a Pepsi max while I have a pint and pork scratchings. No problem.

My partner loves carrots. I don't. Can't stand them. But they live quite happily in the fridge with the stuff I do eat. No problem.

Your boyfriend doesn't eat beef but has absolutely no issue at all with you eating it and some of his family also eat it. No problem.

You're being weird. Even if it's not for religious reasons he can choose whether or not to want to eat a particular thing. If you want to eat it, he's not stopping you so I don't get your issue. I'm veggie and DH isn't. It works.

But that's his preference.

How does it affect you if he toys with the idea of cutting down on pork but then has a bacon sandwich?

Just get on and eat what you want and stop worrying about what he is or isn't eating!

He's not eaten beef since he was a child, so he's not likely to suddenly crave it now. He's eaten pork and lamb so if he's 'working on' cutting it out, he's not cut it out completely and will still likely crave it since he remembers what it tastes like.

It's really not a big deal. At all. His family being 'inconsistent' is none of your business.

I'm not sure if you are looking for an excuse to end the relationship or you're so controlling that you want him to eat beef for your convenience.

What his parents or siblings do has got nothing to do with you.

He's placing no restrictions on you so I don't know why you are so bothered.

It sounds like your issue isn't that your worried that you can't have beef, it's the fact that he doesn't want to eat it. The more you post it actually sounds like you want to find a way to persuade or pressure him to eat beef. Why?
It makes no sense why your so obsessed with what he and/or some of his family are eating. Either respect his stance on this and eat your beef alone or just don't move in together. It's really as simple as that!

Sorry but you sound resentful and I think you need to talk to him about his eating inconsistencies if you have an issue with it. But to be honest every couple has to deal with the other’s eating habits/rules changing when they move in together. It’s never going to just be the same forever, you will just have to adapt.

Feels like you're making unnecessarily heavy weather of this. He doesn't seem to care if you eat it. In fact he's used to his family members eating it. Stop trying to find an issue when there doesn't appear to be one. I mean, what do you want him to do, start eating beef for your sake?

No I just find it odd that he will literally go out of his way to get bone marrow for his family dogs (and so do his parents). Yet, he refuses to eat it himself.

Its good not to eat beef

Eh? I'm not seeing a problem.

"But he’s going off lamb and pork as well recently for ethical reasons." makes him sound lovely and compassionate. I'd be tempted to let myself be inspired to follow suite if he was my partner. Meat is dreadful for the climate, and the suffering endured by many farmed animals considerable. Your BF sounds like a beautiful peach and he definitely occupies the moral high-ground.

Plenty of vegetarians (and even vegans) have pet cats and dogs they feed meat. Plenty of omnivores feed their pets things they’re squeamish about eating themselves like rabbit and game. I collect snails for my ducks, but haven’t fancied a nibble on a snail yet. It’s a total non issue.

Why don't you just ask him?

Why?? I don't get this at all?? He loves his dog enough to get it something that it enjoys. It has no bearing on what he likes to eat.

My ex was a Hindu vegetarian. I don't eat a lot of red meat anyway so didn't mind not eating beef at home. I mainly ate chicken and fish at home and might get a steak or beefburger when out. If it's not a religious thing then I don't really get the issue if you want to eat beef at home. I guess it depends how much you like it!

It wouldn’t make any difference to me at all. In fact it doesn’t. DP doesn’t eat beef or lamb. We east chicken, turkey and pork. On the extremely rare occasions I fancy beef I order it in a restaurant. I incredibly occasionally, such as once or twice a year make a steak or beef stir fry at home. He doesn’t eat it but if he objected it literally wouldn’t make the blindest bit of difference to me. We use turkey / pork mince for spag Bol/ chilli / shepherds pie etc

You need to have a conversation with him before you move in together. He doesn't eat beef, you do so he should be fine with it being in the fridge.

Have to say I'm not comfortable with him deciding about future children, up to what age exactly? Children have a mind of their own and it isn't for him to enforce his beliefs on them.

You sound really irritated about what meat he eats or doesn't. Doesn't bode well for moving in together.

I'm a vegetarian and my husband is a meat eater. It's never caused any friction or issue at all in the 20 years we've lived together.

I don't think you're cut out for being in a cross cultural relationship tbh.

If you're so annoyed by this, I don't think you stand a chance tbh.

My partner kept chickens as pets, and now won’t eat them.
We survive. It’s not that big a deal.

I would be OK with no beef, or were it with someone who doesn't eat it, no pork. I would not be happy to eat no meat at all though.