To NOT feel guilty that my kids are in childcare?

[Kanfuzed123]

Inspired by the childcare eating a £45k salary and the anti nursery sentiment from a few posters on there as being inferior for a child.

anyone else not feel in the slightest guilty that there kids are in nursery and have been post maternity leave?

yeah when they cried at drop off was rough and I called into the check out they were but that soon settled. They do lovely events for the parents and upload lots of amazing activities they do, they’ve made fantastic friends.

I could’ve reduced my hours but I didn’t, we could’ve maybe managed on one salary (glad we didn’t when rates shot up) but I went back FT when dc 1 was 15 months (used annual leave for part time before then) and dc2 was 13 months.

anyone else just not feel guilty? I like the lifestyle we can get when we’re working, especially since the 15 funded hrs and now 30, it’s so affordable. (Eldest is in school and youngest now has the 30 hrs) bill is less than £400 a month inc club etc. I like having something else to focus on too.

im not alone or am I?

Also all those sorts of groups are super expensive so I still don't understand who can afford to attend many of these per week while also not bringing in an income.

I think the conclusion is that for women who want to AND who are married to someone wealthy, they might enjoy quitting their job when they have a baby. But if one of those things isn't true, it can be pretty grim. So hurray for living in 2025 where women don't have to choose and there are many, many ways to structure their lives so they can have financial independence 'and' children.

As an aside, I also hated groups. Did a few with my daughter and suffered through it as I felt guilty opting out. Felt 0 guilt about doing not a single one with my son.

Honestly the kids being harmed now are the ones sitting inside with a vaping parent while eating UPF snacks and watching Dancing Fruit all day. Daycare may not be the same as being at home, but the care is of an acceptable standard, there’s no screens, nice activities and decent food. These parents are begged to use the nursery hours as their toddlers desperately need the routine and engagement.

How are your kids now? What age are they?

I don’t really do baby groups but most people I know keep their eldest child in nursery when on second Mat leave. I don’t understand how they can afford that while at the same time claiming they can’t afford to take a career break. I have both of mine at home, and therefore can spend any money that would go on nursery fees on activities etc.

I live in Scotland so timed it to have the free nursery hours before my second maternity leave. Therefore giving my son the same opportunity for 1:1 time as my daughter. So that’s the answer for me. Will be different for everyone of course.

Well firstly, 8 months of nursery cost me about €8,000, which is nothing close to what I would have been losing if I'd taken a career break.

Secondly, I had to keep DS1 enrolled as otherwise I would have list his place. The nursery was wonderful so no way did I want to do that.

You can lose the space if you don't.

@HJA87

not everyone’s a perfect mother as you though

Mine had just started school when I had my second. Bigger gap then we originally wanted but it has it's perks.

My kids are older now - 22, 19 and 17! All totally different personalities. One doing Economics at Cambridge, one is at drama school and the youngest doing A-levels. Two are / were very academic, one had some SPLD. Two very confident and outgoing, one a bit more introverted (but oddly, not on the stage). The time flies, it really does.

This is why we kept DS in nursery, as well as not wanting to disturb his routine.

Plus they get undivided attention at nursery and the baby gets it at home. Win win. 🤷

Not one minute of guilt here and I went back to work when my oldest was 5.5 months. It was a fabulous nursery and he enjoyed it.

People 'afford' all sorts of things that they feel are important to them or their children. Here are some reasons why they may keep their eldest child in nursery whilst on mat leave:

• To keep their child's place in nursery. You often have to apply for a place 6-12 months in advance
• To maintain their child's normal routine
• To enable them (the parent) to enjoy some important 1-1 time with their new baby

Don't bother with other mums UNLESS you want to put up with their kids and have kid talk constantly. Dont quote out of context.

If you are struggling with kids and not enjoying kid based stuff then surely spending time with people who go on about / or bring kids with isn't helpful

No skin in the game but given ratios kids do not get undivided attention at nursery.

Oh FFS give it a break. She has none of those issues

@Kanfuzed123

I think, in very many situations that are not ideal (not just childcare) we tend to assuage our guilt.

If it suits you though, fine.

True but plenty for them to do rather than wait for mum to finish feeding the baby.

True, but throughout history, the majority of kids have rarely had their parents' undivided attention. That's really a modern trend of the last 40 years or so when housework stopped being so onerous and parents (mothers, generally) had more time to focus on their children.

Well if you have kids it's not ecactly optional to socialise them. It's not about what you want. It's what's best for them. The end. What the alternative - shut them in a room and hide away? Of course people who have recently had babies will be talking about .... babies. It's sad that you would belittle people for taking an interest in their own children.

Baby groups are for parents, not babies. If parents enjoy them, that's great but not all do and that's absolutely fine.

I didn't want to talk endless about babies just because I had one. Especially other people's babies. That's not sad

You can talk about anything you want with anyone. A baby group is not a cult!

Maybe not but they can be cliquey.