To NOT feel guilty that my kids are in childcare?

[Kanfuzed123]

Inspired by the childcare eating a £45k salary and the anti nursery sentiment from a few posters on there as being inferior for a child.

anyone else not feel in the slightest guilty that there kids are in nursery and have been post maternity leave?

yeah when they cried at drop off was rough and I called into the check out they were but that soon settled. They do lovely events for the parents and upload lots of amazing activities they do, they’ve made fantastic friends.

I could’ve reduced my hours but I didn’t, we could’ve maybe managed on one salary (glad we didn’t when rates shot up) but I went back FT when dc 1 was 15 months (used annual leave for part time before then) and dc2 was 13 months.

anyone else just not feel guilty? I like the lifestyle we can get when we’re working, especially since the 15 funded hrs and now 30, it’s so affordable. (Eldest is in school and youngest now has the 30 hrs) bill is less than £400 a month inc club etc. I like having something else to focus on too.

im not alone or am I?

DS is 2 and sometimes I have to almost drag him out of nursery when I pick him up. He's clearly incredibly traumatised and hates it there. 😂

You only have to look at the nursery threads to see what sort of things babies and toddlers are exposed to in nurseries. One thing that keeps popping up is about being bitten by other children and PPs commenting how common and unavoidable that is. How traumatising for babies to be attacked like that😔

That can happen at soft play or toddler groups when you take them there yourselves. 🙄

Children can be bitten in other places besides nurseries, too. Are you gonna keep them away from other kids until they’re at an age where that’s not likely? Home school them, to assure they don’t get bullied or into any physical altercations at regular school?

That very well might be a “yes” for you. But I would rather my child risk being bitten, interact with her peers, and be taught by teachers with legitimate teaching credentials, than to risk stunting her and not give her a proper education.

Do babies and toddlers magically not bite or push or do other toddler things at soft play and toddler groups?

My children have never been bitten and I take them to places with other children every day. I guess the difference is that I watch them constantly rather than them being in a group setting where the ratio is several kids to 1 carer. It’s also not like they have to be exposed to the same biter who attacks them on repeat. I would imagine that school aged children are far less likely to bite plus at that point the “victim” is also older and can defend themselves better so the school comparison doesn’t really work.

No they don’t. It only happens at nursery

I don’t know where do you all live or take your kids but where I go, we don’t generally get attacked, no. Maybe it’s because the adults are present and diffuse any conflicts early on or maybe it’s because my kids are not aggressive and never hit or bit anyone.

Well multiple studies show that children at nursery have very high levels of cortisol which can make them aggressive. This coupled with not being watched all the time due to ratios is more likely to lead to these incidents I guess.

I have 3 in nursery and they have also never been bitten. It isn't something that would alarm me if it did happen just as it doesn't alarm me if they get a shove by a toddler their own age at soft play which has actually happened.

Babies and toddlers are learning.

Actually I have another theory. We usually go to these sort of places mid week during school hours so we are mainly mixing with other non-nursery children who tend to be less aggressive.

Well they can learn on other children then, I’d rather mine not be physically attacked, thank you. There is a thread currently about a child who has a permanent scar from such incident in nursery.

Not all children go to nursery full time.

Physically attacked is very dramatic. It's frustration, it's learning how to behave and communicate etc. All very age appropriate for toddlers.

Very basic toddler development.

4 is very different to, say, 18 months. Which is very different again to 6 months.

I would be slightly amused if it was your child who was pushing another child down a slide. Nursery doesn't make a child more aggressive. All children are capable. My son isn't very often but he will occasionally push or even attempt a bite which is why I don't leave him.

My children have never been bitten at nursery. DS2 has bitten DS1 several times at home though.. Poor DS1 also once bitten at school by a 10 year old..

Same. I know my son attempted to bite a child few months ago but he was being pushed and he can't verbalise himself so tried to bite instead.

Best never send them to school then. Wrap them in cotton wool and keep them in your house.

Many of those go to nursery or being taken by a childminder.

Yes, which is why research says they don’t really need other children to play with until 3. Until then it’s parallel play. They don’t see other children as play pals but rather as someone they have to fight for resources. And before someone tells me they have to learn about sharing etc. I get other parents regularly coming up to me in playgrounds saying my daughter is very kind. She knows exactly how to behave when playing with other children despite not being in childcare.

I’ve already commented on that. Leaving your vulnerable baby/toddler is very different to an older child. It’s similar to care homes really yet somehow it’s socially acceptable to acknowledge that abuse/maltreatment (both from caregivers and other residents) exists in care homes without being accused of guilt tripping families who put their relatives into such homes. You can’t possibly say the same about babies in nurseries though, we must pretend these issues don’t exist.

My brother was bitten by my mums friends son of the same age IN OUR BACK GARDEN. Not seeing it's a nursery thing

The difference is he probably didn’t have to spend several hours in the same room with that child 3/4/5 x week.

My eldest you wouldn't even get a wave goodbye 👋