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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have spent £700 on a cleaner/gardener

224 replies

ReenaGee · 09/04/2025 21:35

I'm a lone parent to a 5yo with ASD/ADHD. I have 10k saved and am doing relatively ok apart from being time poor. I work full time, DS the rest of the time. He can't be left alone.

I have booked a cleaner for a deep clean of my house, and a gardener to completely de-weed the garden, plant flowers, cut hedges, power wash etc. £700 in total.

Told my mum I had treated myself today as I've been stressed about where on earth I'm going to find the time to do it. I didn't tell her how much it was, but she proceeded to tell me I am wasting my money and should get on with adulting myself. Was said in a slightly jovial tone but equally she meant it.

Do, AIBU? IMHO it is the self care I need ATM pre summer but she's got in my head making me feel like I'm not achieving things I should be...

OP posts:
GreatGardenstuff · 10/04/2025 12:49

That sounds like a really worthwhile way to treat yourself. You can afford it and will enjoy the benefits for months to come, especially in the garden. I’m 100% in your corner.

Corgi2023 · 10/04/2025 12:50

This is an excellent use of resources. I asked my husband for a deep clean of the house for my birthday. It cost him £600 and that didn't include the oven or garden. He thought it would only be a couple of hundred but he was happy with the results.

SunnieShine · 10/04/2025 12:51

Good for you. Enjoy your refreshed home and garden. 😀

TinyFlamingo · 10/04/2025 12:51

What a wonderful gift to have given yourself - time which is process.

I just spent £565 on a deep clean end of tenancy, (house full bit 3 moved out) including carpet and sofa and oven clean too and it's the best thing I've ever done so, £700 with weeding too - bargain.

Your money, your values, your need, your life. Good for you!

Yerdug · 10/04/2025 12:53

Good for you. Outsource that shit! It's ok to throw some money at a problem to make life easier. As long as your getting value for money.
Now go and enjoy your lovely clean house and garden!

AuntieDen · 10/04/2025 12:54

if you spent £700 from your savings on a holiday that wouldn't be considered unreasonable.

That's basically what you're doing here - buying yourself time to spend quality time with DS without being distracted by house and garden work. Sounds like a brilliant idea to me!

BobbyBiscuits · 10/04/2025 12:55

It sounds like it could be a bit of a high amount. But if they provide a very thorough service, completely cleaning home from top to bottom and fully renovating garden, and leave no mess, then it could be worth it.

My garden guy charges £50 an hour which is loads, but we only ever need him for an hour.

When we had loads of work he had to bring another tree man in, so that added to the cost. If there's a couple people working hard for several hours over a couple days It could be reasonable?

But you can get someone cheaper than that if you have all your own equipment. Some would do it for much less.

Cleaners I would think maybe £15-20 p/h?
It's good you're getting it sorted but make sure you're not being ripped off. X

KatharineClimpson · 10/04/2025 13:15

I totally disagree with your Mum, what you have done is a superb bit of adulting, you are time poor and are using your resources to make your life and the life you give your child better, that's quite an achievement, be proud of yourself and your decision making.

No3392 · 10/04/2025 13:20

Good for you!

I also get a lot of grief about having a cleaner.

Mumble12 · 10/04/2025 13:23

I'm a single working parent to 4 and I would rather spend £700 on this than hair, nails, teeth, spa days or whatever other people see as self care. The house is a constant source of stress for me, so I think this is a great idea.

Caroparo52 · 10/04/2025 13:28

Its your money and if that's how you want to spend it to make your life easier and happier then do it. Your choice. Ignore everyone. In fact don't tell them. Just jealous.
£700 doesn't go far these days. And now sit back and just enjoy the results. I do the same and totally enjoy my expenditure.
I appreciate I am fortunate enough to do this but I work hard to earn it.
Happy days.

Burntt · 10/04/2025 13:38

I have a disabled child and if I could afford to pay for help catching up I absolutely would!! When all you do is work and care it’s worth it just to feel good in your own home instead of stressing how much you have to get done with no time!

PensionedCruiser · 10/04/2025 13:40

ReenaGee · 09/04/2025 21:35

I'm a lone parent to a 5yo with ASD/ADHD. I have 10k saved and am doing relatively ok apart from being time poor. I work full time, DS the rest of the time. He can't be left alone.

I have booked a cleaner for a deep clean of my house, and a gardener to completely de-weed the garden, plant flowers, cut hedges, power wash etc. £700 in total.

Told my mum I had treated myself today as I've been stressed about where on earth I'm going to find the time to do it. I didn't tell her how much it was, but she proceeded to tell me I am wasting my money and should get on with adulting myself. Was said in a slightly jovial tone but equally she meant it.

Do, AIBU? IMHO it is the self care I need ATM pre summer but she's got in my head making me feel like I'm not achieving things I should be...

I was you many years ago, although my DH worked away from home and was away Sunday night to Friday pm. I had 2 children, 1 of whom was diagnosed ASD at a young age and the other ADHD as an adult. Weekends were not for chores, they were family time. I had a cleaner/housekeeper (around 6 hours total) 3x per week and a gardener.

My mil was terribly embarrassed about the set up. My DH was relieved that he was off the hook for domestic chores and I did not sit around being a lady of leisure. DH's disturbance allowance more than covered the cost and we felt that it compensated me, in particular, for his not being around after work every day to do his share of cooking, bathing, bedtime and parenting to allow me to go out occasionally.

Go for it, ReenGee, and do not feel guilty. Parenting SEN children is hard enough when you have a partner, but it's grinding when you're alone.

Apollo365 · 10/04/2025 13:41

YANBU - sounds blissful!

Manthide · 10/04/2025 13:42

I have just arranged for someone to cut down a huge conifer, as our neighbours keep complaining about it, in our back garden and a much smaller cherry tree. This is costing me just over £1k which is a lot of money for me expecially being on UC. Dm keeps telling me how df removed 10 huge ones from their garden and then df's sister told me she'd single handedly removed 2 huge ones from her garden 5 years ago (she is now 84 and registered blind). I know dh wouldn't lift a finger.

Maybe I could do it myself or with the help of ds who's at university but previous attempts have left me with a part finished job and a huge load of cuttings to get rid of so I just want never to think of that conifer again.

I think you have done the right thing OP and it's your money.

Iloveflowers2002 · 10/04/2025 14:03

My grandma had a saying I love, I think about it often ‘you take it out of your purse or you take it out of yourself’ it’s so true! Not a waste at all! I think that’s a good price for the amount of work. Also…I’d pay £700 to NOT have to do all that haha

DecayedStrumpet · 10/04/2025 14:21

Sounds like a bargain!

Let's face it, what's the max amount of time you're going to get to work on any one of those jobs before DS needs fed or starts demanding attention... Half an hour, an hour? Not really going to make a dent in the garden or the decluttering

I'm in SE and couldn't even get someone to come out and quote for a deep clean so I'm envious 😁

boredoflaundry · 10/04/2025 15:29

Book them for a fortnightly top up!! To keep on top of it.

my cleaners wipe the oven over. I do the fridge when we shop most weeks.

we never need a deep clean, because it is clean.

we keep on top of the kitchen and clean the loo between visits, but almost never the baths and showers.

I might sweep the floor. I almost never vacuum or mop.

more importantly we have a good (panic) tidy the night before they come and everything gets put away!!

we don’t have much garden & hubby mows the “lawn”. As much as he moans I think he secretly enjoys it. … or we now get the teenagers to.

outsourcing very responsible adulting in my opinion @ReenaGee well done for taking the leap!

😊

Casperroonie · 10/04/2025 15:30

ReenaGee · 09/04/2025 21:35

I'm a lone parent to a 5yo with ASD/ADHD. I have 10k saved and am doing relatively ok apart from being time poor. I work full time, DS the rest of the time. He can't be left alone.

I have booked a cleaner for a deep clean of my house, and a gardener to completely de-weed the garden, plant flowers, cut hedges, power wash etc. £700 in total.

Told my mum I had treated myself today as I've been stressed about where on earth I'm going to find the time to do it. I didn't tell her how much it was, but she proceeded to tell me I am wasting my money and should get on with adulting myself. Was said in a slightly jovial tone but equally she meant it.

Do, AIBU? IMHO it is the self care I need ATM pre summer but she's got in my head making me feel like I'm not achieving things I should be...

A deep clean of a 4 bed is about £500, amd a gardener can be more than £200 depending on what you have done, usually around £20 an hour. So actually, despite it being a huge amount of money, it's the norm nowadays. Enjoy not having to clean or do the garden and have some "me" time doing what you like!

zeibesaffron · 10/04/2025 15:39

How wonderful!! Go for it and do not feel guilty- this is what working hard and savings are for ❤️

Moveoverdarlin · 10/04/2025 15:42

Sounds well worth it to me. Enjoy the clean house and tidy garden. Treat yourself to some nice plants or new garden furniture.

mathanxiety · 10/04/2025 16:45

YANBU, not one bit.

Your mum clearly understand nothing of your life and shame on her for that. When was the last time she gave you a day of respite? The idea that you are not adulting enough is an insult.

My DM spends €2000 to get her large garden taken care of annually. She's pretty old and resents not being able to keep it up herself and also the cost, but that's how much a gardener runs to where she lives and she doesn't want to see it turn to weeds.

mathanxiety · 10/04/2025 16:48

Iloveflowers2002 · 10/04/2025 14:03

My grandma had a saying I love, I think about it often ‘you take it out of your purse or you take it out of yourself’ it’s so true! Not a waste at all! I think that’s a good price for the amount of work. Also…I’d pay £700 to NOT have to do all that haha

Love this! I'll say it to my DM when she's moaning about the cost of the gardener.

ladybossmum · 10/04/2025 17:09

Let’s start normalising women outsourcing things when they can. With no shame or guilt as it’s no one else’s business. We are being asked to do it all where previous generations weren’t and with an SEN child, their needs are even higher.
I have a housekeeper for 10 hours a week and a gardener. She’s more like a mother’s help. She does all my laundry, cleaning, sorting out etc while I run a professional company (helping SEND children) and I am there for my two boys. I’ve chosen this instead of using lots of child care as I am there for pick ups etc. but I couldn’t do it without her.
Does my mum think I live the life of luxury - probably yes. But she didn’t work like I do. Does my husband ever get shamed when he says he has a cleaner - no. Can I spend more happy time with my children because of the help- absolutely yes! It’s what works for us. Sounds like a great idea to look after yourself. Don’t let others put you off.

ladybossmum · 10/04/2025 17:11

Also, the expectation from some that everyone should work in these roles for below minimum wage is awful.