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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have spent £700 on a cleaner/gardener

224 replies

ReenaGee · 09/04/2025 21:35

I'm a lone parent to a 5yo with ASD/ADHD. I have 10k saved and am doing relatively ok apart from being time poor. I work full time, DS the rest of the time. He can't be left alone.

I have booked a cleaner for a deep clean of my house, and a gardener to completely de-weed the garden, plant flowers, cut hedges, power wash etc. £700 in total.

Told my mum I had treated myself today as I've been stressed about where on earth I'm going to find the time to do it. I didn't tell her how much it was, but she proceeded to tell me I am wasting my money and should get on with adulting myself. Was said in a slightly jovial tone but equally she meant it.

Do, AIBU? IMHO it is the self care I need ATM pre summer but she's got in my head making me feel like I'm not achieving things I should be...

OP posts:
wombat15 · 09/04/2025 21:58

I think 700 pounds is reasonable if they are also doing a lot in the garden. Gardeners are expensive. I think those telling you it is a lot of money are living in the last century.

ShodAndShadySenators · 09/04/2025 21:59

I don't see your mum volunteering to come round to watch your DS while you can tackle the outstanding work. Or offering to do some of the cleaning and garden work for you... So her opinion doesn't really count for much, does it? Easy to criticise something you won't get involved in

Newmeagain · 09/04/2025 22:00

No, it’s not a waste of money unless you have other people lining up to help you.

i was a lone parent for nearly all of my dd’s childhood and so I know exactly how it feels to juggle work and be a parent to a child that needs lots of attention. I sometimes think I should have tried to save more money rather than having a cleaner etc but then remind myself how hard it was.

Notellinganyone · 09/04/2025 22:00

I paid £100 for on oven clean and another £150 for a half day garden tidy, I think it’s worth it and it will make you feel great as well.

Persephonegoddess · 09/04/2025 22:02

Really good idea and not a waste. You are putting yourself and your family happiness first.

Muffinmam · 09/04/2025 22:04

Ignore your mother. My child has ASD + global developmental delay and suspected ADHD and I’m utterly exhausted. I realised I’ve just been existing. I’ve been so focused on taking care of him and getting him talking that I’ve neglected my health, my appearance and my home.

Spend the money. You deserve to have a clean home.

Immavet · 09/04/2025 22:04

ReenaGee · 09/04/2025 21:39

It's a deep clean of a 3 bed house, including white goods, oven, carpet shampoo, decluttering and reorganising.

The garden includes lawn mowing, weeding, hedge trimming, re-laying non existent gravel, jet washing, plants and putting up a large Wendy house.

Show quote history

This sounds like a dream! Absolutely go for it - you will be so glad you did. I'm feeling a bit jealous tbh!!

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 09/04/2025 22:04

I think it sounds ideal especially if you have used both people before.

I have a family member who is as good as your dm at offering opinions on what I should be doing but words are cheap. I don't notice them offering to help me when I'm completely overwhelmed or even their house being pristine 😆

Dagnabit · 09/04/2025 22:05

Sounds like a great idea to me. Some people like to be martyrs- no idea why! If you have the money to make your life a bit easier then go for it.

Meadowflower2023 · 09/04/2025 22:05

YANBU I think that’s a great price for what you’re getting done. Imagine that feeling when it’s all done too. It’s a lovely treat to yourself, don’t feel guilty either, it sounds like you deserve it.

Fluffycloudsfloatinginthesky · 09/04/2025 22:05

I spend £20 a time on someone to come round and mow my lawn. It’s not a massive area but I hate doing it and that money is more than worth the sense of dread i always used to have hanging over me that it needed doing.

ClearPinkPlum · 09/04/2025 22:05

I think it’s too much for everything.

Certainly don’t pay for all of the gardening and building work until it’s completed, or it just will not be done.

TimothyIsNotAnArmardillo · 09/04/2025 22:06

It's a great idea
You could spend the same amount on a holiday and I bet your mum would think it was fine.
This will be more beneficial than a holiday as you will reap the benefits for much longer and enjoy your home so much more

outofofficeagain · 09/04/2025 22:06

Ignore your mother. We have a fortnightly cleaner, even though there are two of us and a teenager who could easily do it.

we’ve just paid £500 to a gardener to come and do all that you have described in the garden. I am overwhelmed and don’t know where to start

tell your Mum you’re supporting local businesses and to pipe down.

CuriousKangaroo · 09/04/2025 22:09

Not only do I think that sounds like good value for all those tasks, I think it’s an overall good use of your money. It buys you more time and will relieve stress. So basically the equivalent of a mini break! Ignore your mum, OP. You sound like you have more than enough on your plate and money should be used to make life easier.

dothehokeycokey · 09/04/2025 22:09

Brilliant idea op Grin

totally would love to do that.
don’t think of it as spending £700,think of it as gaining so many hours being with your dc and enjoying some time together and how amazing will it feel when it’s all done and easy to keep on top of.

a lovely garden to enjoy with your dc and a lovely deep cleaned home.

DeborahVance · 09/04/2025 22:14

That sounds absolutely brilliant. I'm also a single parent with two teenagers both of whom have autism and ADHD. I live very frugally apart from my cleaner, I have foregone holidays to keep her. It is utterly lifechanging to have her.

Hollyhocksandlarkspur · 09/04/2025 22:15

It sounds like a great boost for the spring and will set you upto enjoy the summer so you can enjoy your home rather than feeling overwhelmed by all the jobs that need doing.

If the declutterer and gardener can help you put in systems that make it easy to keep on top of things in the future, so much the better. Often redesigning the way you arrange things and methods means you can more easily maintain it by doing things little and often. Great move OP.

Runforcarbs · 09/04/2025 22:20

I agree with others and think that it sounds like really good value for what you are getting. I also have a child with ASD/ADHD (plus two others) and i work, there is literally no time ever to get on top of things at home or in the garden.
If I had the funds to do what you are doing, I would 100% go for it, as it will make you feel so much better and it is absolutely self care. Please ignore your mums comments, sometimes the generation above seem to think nothing counts unless there’s a degree of pain involved for us, at least that is how my own mum views it in any case. Enjoy your lovely home and garden once it’s done and feel proud that you’ve made such an excellent decision!

ThatLilacTiger · 09/04/2025 22:21

I'm very envious; that sounds like a lovely treat and a completely valid thing to spend your hard earned money on. Some people have no concept of the intrinsic value of your time, energy and peace, so they can't fathom spending money on protecting it. I think it's one of the best things to invest in though. Why bother working to earn money if you can't buy yourself some time and enjoyment? It's no different than spending money on a holiday.

RosesAndHellebores · 09/04/2025 22:21

I think that's a very reasonable advice for what you are getting. Brilliant and enjoy but once done try and do little and often.

My mother doesn't often have my back but decades ago when MIL was getting cat bum faced because I'd kept the cleaner during mat leave, she gave MIL a hard Paddington stare and said very directly (MIL can be a bit up herself and academically superior) "really Joan, I'm surprised you brought your girls up to clean".

LostMySocks · 09/04/2025 22:22

I had a cleaning team in to do a deep clean just before DS2 was born. The house wasn't a tip but I'd struggled with sciatica so couldn't do behind/under etc etc
They were amazing. The house looked and felt amazing and was then much easier to keep on top of.
Best present to myself ever. DH thought it was expensive and that he could do it but....
I now make sure that I focus on one room every 2 or 3 weeks so work round the house two or three times a year which keeps on top of things.

KarmenPQZ · 09/04/2025 22:23

I think it’s a great idea in theory. But who’s going to maintain it going forwards? If it helps you get on top of a tidy house that then is manageable for you to keep clear of clutter and clean the. Great. Same with the garden. Are you going to mow the lawn and weed etc every month through summer?

herbygarden · 09/04/2025 22:24

Sounds cheap to me and sounds amazing!! You are going to feel so good when all that's done! I would love to do something similar, I am so overwhelmed by my house and so exhausted that even though I am off with the kids this week I am failing to make much progress! I think would feel I need to clean ready for the cleaner. Please let us know how it goes and enjoy it. You work hard and life is probably hard and if this makes it a bit easier then I genuinely believe it is money well spent. I might even need to do similar! Xxx

Littlejonnydory · 09/04/2025 22:25

YANBU at all. It will feel soooooo good when it’s done & the mental health kick will be amazing. This is self care - you are worth it! Don’t let anyone make you feel bad, if you can afford it then go for it 😊