Boyfriend has just blocked me

[Namechange2609]

Oh god help please..

my boyfriend of 7 months has just blocked me and ended our relationship based on the fact that this morning he whatsapped me to go and shut the kitchen window whilst he was in the shower. The message didn’t pop up on my phone (must of been signal). He came into the room to say did you not get my message? I said no and I went onto WhatsApp and his message popped up.

he has blocked me because he thinks I turned my notifications off because I must be speaking to other men. He also gave me the silent treatment all day and night and I had no idea why until a couple of hours ago.

i do not deserve this and it’s absolutely disgusting but obviously I’m hurt and taken back and need some tough love!

I'm sorry @Namechange2609 but no.
You need to just block. You are ready now. Why continue to receive shitty texts from a shitty person who does nothing to make you feel good about yourself?? I find it difficult to empathise someone who isn't up for helping themselves. I understand that you want to block when you feel ready..... But what are you gaining in this biding time?

I am following everyone’s advice - like I’ve already said my friends and family know all about this. They WILL hold me accountable. In my moments of weakness they are there.

thank you again for all the messages they are all very much appreciated. Feeling stronger by the day and far more in control

OP I know it seems like we are being harsh, but it’s only because we have lived this and are giving you the tough love we wish we would have had.

These men follow a script:

Abusive controlling behaviour
Tears, apologies, promising to never do it again.
Tell you it’s only because they love you so much/had a terrible childhood/cheating ex/can’t stand the thought of losing you
A good week or two
Abuse starts to ramp up again, slightly worse than the previous time.
Rinse and repeat.

The kicker is, while you’re tying yourself in knots trying to prove to him that you’re different, you can be trusted, you would never hurt him or leave him, he will be cheating on you.

Insecure, controlling men are the worst. They are the bottom of the barrel and I promise you there is a better man out there for you. You won’t find him while you’re holding on to this waste of space.

OP, you need to rip the plaster off and just block him. It will be a massive relief when you do so.

This is a good idea for sure, keep adding to it as things spring to mind as your head clears. Read it if you are ever tempted to engage with him.
Keep it as a checklist. Of things to avoid in a man in future.
The one thing you may want to keep messages for is if things escalate you have written proof of what he said, if he starts stalking or whatever
What a lot don't realize is that actually you are at greater danger when you are trying to keave/, get rid of him, things can escalate, he doesn't want to have to train up another victim, he would have to be pleasant for some time to get her hooked.
One Thing I learned (out of many) from the freedom programme is that abusers operate in cycles. They Have times when they act pleasant, just for long enough to make you think it wasn't that bad, things are better now, so you let your guard slip. But they then go back to their old ways, until they feel you need a change to better behaviour. I so wish that I'd learned this years ago, it so messes with your head and when your head is being messed with you are so very vulnerable. Looking back it was just what he did. And the bad behaviour is always your fault, it's gojng to be over something petty like what kicked this off this time, they will find some excuse, even if it's not true
Would you be able to get away for a few days over Easter, or justbspend some time with old friends to give yourself a break, or go to another town and do something you and your children will enjoy?

@Namechange2609 for goodness sake!! stop being a wimp and just block the shit!

He assumed you hadn’t done it because I bet he didn’t send the message until he entered and asked the question!…. He gaslit you specifically to cause a row so that he could then block you to ruin your time away from him!
I’ve been I a relationship where I was love bombed… I found out later that all the accusations were a diversion for the fact that he was cheating etc…. He also used to cause unnecessary fights.. always my fault of course… because I’d sat wrong, disagreed with him etc etc…. Often walked on egg shells… never knew which version of him I’d be walking into…
20 years on I still carry emotional scars.. if I was 10 minutes late home I’d get a call .. I never knew if that would be a civil call concerned if I was ok or him ranting and accusing me of shagging a work colleague! I’d be questioned about who I’d spoken to during the day… he once highlighted all the calls I made to my mum and made me feel like shit for being close to my mum.. He always used to sulk too as a way of torturing me.. I’d ask what was wrong and he’d name call!
when we split he said ‘get it in your think head I don’t love you!’….. then within weeks because I was hoping to just piss off and travel he was sobbing and threatening to shoot himself if I didn’t take him back… he was a true headworker …
I’ve recently done the freedom program, I went to support a friend who has suffered DA… but as we went through each section of the book I had lots of lightbulb moments and really unpacked my past relationship … right down to things like he’d call me everyday .. I thought this lovely and done because he wanted to check I was ok and say hi.. but it’s not normal behaviour.. he was checking up on me.. not checking in!!

Please be prepared that he may beg and plead and head work you now to be taken back and forgiven… please don’t get drawn back in… if he turns up tell him to leave, if he keeps turning up report to police for stalking!

I think pp who said it's 'hurting him more' mean he's a soul sucking, life-stealling parasite who lives by leaching people dry. So right now, he's fucked :)

But I dont know if hurt is the right word. More just desperately failing around like a wet leach that's been pulled off your arm.

He's blocked you to punish you. Do not ever speak to him again.

With my ex he'd manipulate things so I would be blamed so he could go out doing god knows what whilst I sat and cried. He was inhumane and it nearly broke me. He was also having an affair whilst accusing me of doing so (even with a newborn).

Don't feel bad that you gave him so many chances. People like him target people like us. He will be furious you will not speak to him again but he will not change.

My ex thought he could come back after leaving me with a baby and no money and started arguing about me going out with men within hours of fairly civilised conversation. He like your ex got off on treating me badly.

I read somewhere that people like them deliberately get someone intelligent and empaths to break them down. My ex was furious he was inadequate. Well these two don't anymore.

My ex is alone, jobless, old and broke. That's what refusing to be decent gets you.

I’ve recently done the freedom program, I went to support a friend who has suffered DA… but as we went through each section of the book I had lots of lightbulb moments and really unpacked my past relationship … right down to things like he’d call me everyday .. I thought this lovely and done because he wanted to check I was ok and say hi.. but it’s not normal behaviour.. he was checking up on me.. not checking in!!

I did it several times and each time another set of light bulbs went off.like peeling an onion really. Helpful for me both to understand what had gone on and what to look out for in any new relatuonships

Massive red flag there if he thinks you're talking to other men just because you don't immediately respond to his message immediately! Ditch him - it won't get any better and he'll end up controlling you.

What a little insecure twat he sounds.People only treat you how you let them.You may not think so now but before you know it you will wonder why you were so upset over this - hes a twat imo x

Yeah. He doesn't seem to have the maturity for a relationship unfortunately. You would be better off not continuing this relationship.

Sounds like he's a Narcissist like my ex. Be careful, cut him loose.

I'm a bloke (just to be clear) and this fella sounds like an absolute weapons-grade cock-socket. Do not go back, do not speak to him (if you can) and if you have to go back to the flat/house to collect your things take someone with you.

Good luck. No one deserves this. Shocking behaviour.

Thank your lucky stars and move on. He sounds like a grade A twat. Nothing about that behaviour is normal or acceptable.

OK, in a way it is a positive that you are pushing back at those who are questioning whether you are being a good mum.

I get what you are saying. You haven't ever allowed him access to your children, so they are at least protected from DIRECT harm.

What they are not protected from is the indirect harm that comes from the harm that he is causing you. The effects on your mental health of being with him are bound to have an impact on your children. The very real risk that he could cause you physical harm is there, and would also have a massive effect on your children.

Now, there have been many comments from other women. This is coming from a bloke (so no chance of any "all men are bastards" bias here).

He has taken you to a point where you are prepared to accept clearly unacceptable behaviours. He pushes the boundaries, until he judges a line that you won't cross, then he steps back just the other side of the line, and you praise him for being a better person, oblivious to the fact that he isn't a better person. He is a shitty person, and being marginally less shitty than last week doesn't matter.

He is clearly a narcisist, he will never change. Sadly, when you get rid, he will find sonebody else to feed off, and the cycle continues. Even when you get rid, he will have a plan that when his next victim wises up, he can have another try at feeding off you.

I know that you want answers as to "why", I know that you want to tell him some home truths, but for as long as he has access to you, he can twist things, and make himself the victim here.

Deny him that right now. Big girl pants on, and accept that you will never know why he is like that (and even if you talked for 20 years you wouldn't get to the bottom of that). Accept that you don't get to tell him straight (he wouldn't actually listen anyway, and denying him communication will actually tell him straight FAR more effectively.

Please, stop saying you WILL block him, and do it right now. Do it before he escalates even further, and your children end up without their mum.

You know what you need to do with this childish control freak....

This is controlling possessive behaviour.. be very careful.. he will either have you begging for contact with him to end the silent treatment or he will love bomb you .. either way you may end up with him again..
This behaviour will not improve..it will get way worse.. walk away please 🙏.

It is obvious to me that you will get back with him

If he tries contacting you, keep notes - dates, times. You may need it if he persists. My daughter was stalked by her ex when she finished with him. A lot of these guys don't like it. It's about control. This can turn nasty so be very careful.

I agree.

I agree and she’ll be back posting about him again - that makes me a dick apparently according to a PP but it’s pretty obvious imo.