Boyfriend has just blocked me

[Namechange2609]

Oh god help please..

my boyfriend of 7 months has just blocked me and ended our relationship based on the fact that this morning he whatsapped me to go and shut the kitchen window whilst he was in the shower. The message didn’t pop up on my phone (must of been signal). He came into the room to say did you not get my message? I said no and I went onto WhatsApp and his message popped up.

he has blocked me because he thinks I turned my notifications off because I must be speaking to other men. He also gave me the silent treatment all day and night and I had no idea why until a couple of hours ago.

i do not deserve this and it’s absolutely disgusting but obviously I’m hurt and taken back and need some tough love!

OP, I mean this very kindly but your children couldn't possibly be your priority for you to spend time with a psycho like this.

He is unhinged and you have spent 7 months going back for more.
Every time you associate with an unstable, abusive man like this, you put your children last in your life.

A mother who puts her children first protects herself and her life from bad men.

Your children need you safe, happy and well, not putting yourself at risk associating with unhinged abusive pyscho's.

Please do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk and take a complete break from men.

Find out why you allowed him near you.
Wishing you well.

All of what LAMPS said!

You told him he didn't deserve you and you don't deserve to be treated like this, yet you still gave him access. Regain that sense of calm and BLOCK HIM! I really can't understand why you haven't.
For clarity.... He's horrible, he's abusive, You are better than him, your children deserve better.

It is now clear you are addicted to the highs and lows of this 'relationship' which is why you cannot stop engaging with this damaging, harmful man.

Absolutely.

Read up on trauma bonding OP. It would be beneficial if you could also access some therapy to help you understand why you accept such awful behaviour.

Block him and don’t communicate or he will continue to hurt you over and over…do you have a reason to be still in contact with him.

Send him one last message just saying ‘blocked’ and then just leave it

Yep you need to block him before you go crazy and convince yourself you’re in the wrong as that’s what he’s doing. Log this with the police too in case he comes to visit and gets physically violent

Absolutely and messaging him telling him how to act with basic human decency has him laughing because he knows he’s still inside her head and in his eyes he’s winning

Did you think he’d read your message and go ‘you know what she’s right, she does deserve better and I’m a shitty human?’

It’s just dragging out the drama and taking your priorities away from your DC every minute of headspace you waste on this prick.

Dumping him isn’t enough - you have to totally disengage

You came on this board to let off some steam, and/or looking for some advice going forward.

Almost every single person on this thread has suggested cutting all contact from your side. Many of us have been in this situation, and are not just repeating what the previous poster said.

Yet, for some reason you choose not to help yourself and are still allowing him to contact you, and in that, send you abusive messages.

Sorry OP but you have to help yourself here. It seems you are quite addicted to drama. No-one else can help you with that, except you.

I guess we will see another thread in a few months time from you in exactly the same situation.

Not sure how old you are sweetheart, it doesn't matter anyway, I'm much older than you I'm sure and I can see myself in you, with my most recent ex and other men. I do have a pattern of sticking around too long and giving too many chances and your boyfriend's behaviour is like a mirror image of some of what I went through and I am completely changed as a result. Do not let him gaslight or manipulate you further. Block him and don't look back. Please. He's a narcissist. It's not worth it. I promise.

"he unblocked me, called me and stated that i was the one who broke up with him (that’s not true) he then said im a liar and its lie after lie. The call ended, he then sent me a text to say “night mate” - this is a 32 year old man for goodness sake. I told him it’s not the time for jokes and I am extremely angry and hurt by his actions, ones I will not accept nor tolerate. He then said he doesn’t want a long message back he is expecting more than that. I’m sorry - what is he expecting?"

So much to unpick here.

Insults. Calling you a liar.
Gaslighting. Saying you finished with him.
Has to have the last word. Immature.
Controlling. Your texts are statements of truth that he can't control the narrative of. He expects you to call him so he can argue with/manipulate you back under his sway.

Gosh he sounds awful. Lucky escape, his done u a massive favour. Hold ur head high and move on, don't get involved with his msgs. You are too good for him.

run for the hills! He’s shown you who he is so believe him.
He wants to “punish” you, he will be wanting you to beg him to forgive you and take you back. He will then have “won” and have the upper hand.
If you go back he will get worse, guaranteed.

Please just block him, delete his number and move on with your life without him. He is not worthy of any more of your time and emotions.

He will continue to upset you while he has any access. Only you can do something about that, because there are no words you can say that will make him behave half decently.

He sounds absolutely appalling and this is 7 months in, when people are usually being their best selves. Please reread your posts and ask yourself what you would say to a friend or sister who told you what he's like.

Oh, for God's sake!

Why have you not blocked him yet?

Why?

I feel like giving you a shake because you have ignored every bit of good advice on here. If you can't help yourself no-one else can do it for you. You will remain at his beck and call and shitty messages and sink into more misery.

You are a mother. What kind of role model are you to your children? You owe it to them to delete abusive people out of your life.

Give your head a wobble and BLOCK HIM.

I really do appreciate everyone’s messages and for me this is a process because I obviously have feelings for the guy. I’ve detached from him, I know what and who he is but I will not accept anyone telling me that I am not being a good mother.
i do not need to justify that. He has no key to my house, he has never met them and never will. This is about ME, and ME detaching from him. They were never in harms way. Anyone who has been in my position KNOWS the block button will come, but it has to come when I feel ready. He is not going to get into my head again, however I need this thread for moral support. Not to be put down

thank you again

But leaving the door open, so to speak, will allow him to get inside your head again.

It is frustrating that you can't see that. You aren't helping yourself here.

I do get why you need time OP, I was in exactly the same position as you except a lot more time wasted with the abuser. He will not want to let you off the hook so try not to engage, but be aware he will try every trick in the book to get you back in the cycle of abuse, gaslighting, love bombing and on and on. It never ends and they never change. He’ll also be looking for his next victim as I write. Get stronger hour by hour, but be prepared for his wrath & abuse once he knows you’ve woken up and have put boundaries in place.
Honestly it took me 2 years to heal from my abuser but now I’m with a lovely kind man who values me and would never intentionally hurt me. It will happen for you too. Get reading - Why Does He Do That was a revelation to me.
You've done nothing wrong and you will get through it!

It does take away from your dc because every single second you spend debating whether this fucking awful behaviour meets your standard for awful enough to split up, is time and energy you don’t have for yourself and your dc. It also affects your mood so you won’t be as calm and content as you’d like with your dc.

I literally would cross the road rather than speak to a specimen like this - why do you think he’s worth any more of your time and effort? Sometimes you have to walk away without closure or understanding and just move on.

I hear you, but I have seen this play out before- with me, and with a friend. In my case he moved on to someone else and left me wishing I’d definitively ended it with him because I would have had a better sense of self esteem after. In my friend’s case, it’s now been over 2 years, and he still gets in just far enough that he knows he can, and this prevents her from moving forward. If you want to move on, cutting him off is the only way. It’ll hurt because as you say, you have feelings for him- but he will hurt you more, and he’ll also grind you down and make you wretched. Please block him, please cut him off and go no-contact.

Posters are not putting you down OP.

Remember that replies here are from posters who are not emotionally attached. They are just going on the information you have posted. So the replies may be more black and white than you would like to hear.

But there is a good chance he is going to get into your head again. It happened again only this morning. Why are you dragging this out. You've told him it's over. So follow through. Otherwise you are also giving mixed signals.

No, the block button should come the minute he disrespects you.

Your children ARE affected. All this shit with him, you being distracted, anxious will be impacting on your children. Your mood depends on him. Let that sink in. I’m not criticising because I have been there, but you are deluded if you think this shit show of a relationship isn’t having any impact on your children.

Seven months and he’s got you like this. You are not ready to date and you need therapy to help raise your self esteem.

Women with strong, healthy boundaries wouldn’t settle for this treatment for a second. One hint of a red flag and he’d be blocked and forgotten about. Why are you waiting for the right moment? Why are you allowing him access to you? By doing so, you are showing him that you do not respect yourself and you will tolerate his behaviour.

You’re wasting your time if you think he’ll change and this will ever be a healthy relationship.

The block button should be now - in fact it should have been yesterday.

You had the strength to tell him where to get off. Now stick to it.

He won't ever change (total pricks don't).

Please don't be too hard on her. She needs to figure this out herself and I know from experience it is NOT easy.

This. He is inside your head and therefore your children are affected, you are not present for them whilst you are obsessing over him.

he has been waving red flags in your face from the start, and you have ignored them. This won’t get better unless you take some control of the situation.

Just block him!