I'm not sure if I fit in on MN because I'm less well-off financially than the average poster

[OtherHalfMNer]

I've been on MN for a couple of years now. I can't help but feel like I am operating in a different financial plane compared to the average MNer. I drive a small car (2018 plate Fiesta) while I see a lot of MNers who talk about having SUVs. I think if there was a car to represent the average MNer, it would be a new or nearly new Range Rover or similar luxury SUV. A 2024 plate Evoque, which is a popular model on MN, starts from 40k on the road according to a quick Google. The difference in what car I drive (or can afford) compared to most MNers is just the start of it though. Regarding schools, I have read that private schools account for around 7% of the total number of children attending schools in the UK. If I had to guess what the figure is amongst Mumsnetters with DCs specifically, I'd be willing to wager that it's a significantly higher percentage. I have 2 primary age DCs who attend a state school which is rated as requiring improvement by Ofsted. There are no better state school alternatives locally. I would love to be able to send them to a private school. There are 2 within a 10-mile radius of where we live which are rated as outstanding in every category. Unfortunately we simply can't afford the fees. We'd need to take on significant debts which wouldn't be sustainable. I've noticed that whenever grocery shopping is discussed, Waitrose and M&S are invariably the top preferences on MN. I go to Tesco as I can't afford M&S or Waitrose food prices. The theme continues with holidays. The DCs have never been to Disney World in Florida. I sometimes feel like everyone on MN has been there with their DCs. As with private schools, I would dearly love to be able to take them there, but we just couldn't afford the cost of such a trip. We can barely afford one holiday a year, and only to Europe with budget airlines in the cheapest seats available. I regularly see MNers talking about going on multiple family holidays per year, including long-haul flights with BA and other such airlines.

Last but not least, I must also mention the house I live in. It's a small terraced house with 3 bedrooms in an undesirable urban location in the north of England. The average MNer seems to commonly live in a 4 or 5-bed detached in a leafy suburb, often in London or the south east. I'm wondering if there are any other posters who, though not necessarily living hand-to-mouth or struggling to make ends meet, are under no illusions about the fact that they are worse off than the average person on MN? I still find the site to be a useful resource for support and advice, but I feel I don't quite fit in due to not being able to relate to the lifestyle enjoyed by other regular posters. It's not so much a case of how the other half live - on MN, it's more a case of how everyone else except me seems to live.

Well I'm on disability benefits and my yearly income is not very high. So am I allowed on Mumsnet? 😂 And I don't even have a car,I wouldn't be able to afford to run it! My disability Freedom Pass gets me around OK.

Don't worry, I don't fit in either because I eat processed foods and don't worry that every trans person I walk past is going to jump me in a bathroom.

I feel the same as you OP. Mumsnet is filled with a lot of bullshitters and also high earners who are completely out of touch with how the average person lives..."Oh I NEVER use a credit card, why would anybody ever need one when you could just make all your large and expensive purchases outright?" etc.

But there's plenty of normal people like you and me too. Don't let the twats put you off, ignore them.

MN has two types of posters, some who ask what to do with their riches and some who ask how to survive. I am in the middle and keep my financial status to myself

You can be anyone you want behind a keyboard 😂😂

I don't think I have seen anyone mentioning what car the drive? But we could flip tat and say how much debt are they in😂The things you own(or indeed owe money for) are not a sign of success, happiness, a nice personality, a helpful person etc.
lease don't compare yourself unfavorabley to others, there is always going to be better off/worse off than each of us but what you have to contribute from your own experience is equally valuable to anyone else.

Yes, but so what if that’s the case? I have a high-earning DH and a very nice lifestyle but spent today working for an educational project in one of the most-deprived parts of London, walking up and down a litter-strewn high street in an area that many on MN would probably avoid. Being well-to-do really doesn’t mean that someone lacks empathy or has always lived a wealthy life.

I try to give positively and helpfully to each thread, because…why not?

Maybe, but if they reach the needing a care home stage most want you to have 2 years of fees in savings

Part of it must be just a reflection on what people choose to talk about. We aren’t into cars and I’m not going to bother chatting about my grubby 69 plate Peugeot 5008 😂 but someone who is interesting in cars will jump on car threads and also probably have a nicer one.

Similarly when you’re investing in private school the decision probably feels larger and requiring of more research so the proportion of chat will outweigh the proportion of the population.

I think as with anything there is a variety of MNetters.

When I joined MN many years ago I was an extremely skint, parent of young kids with a car we were desperately trying to keep on the road. We were in a 3 bed house in desperate need of renovation, but could barely afford food let alone that. We lived without any heating for years and never had a holiday.

So actually you do sound fairly middle of the road. Not the unusual MNetter.

Now we're better off financially, bigger house, bigger cars (still not new cars) and just been able to start affording holidays. That said, we do live in the SE so that money doesn't stretch haha

I’ve been knocking around the MN boards for over 20 years. I live in the NW, in a 3 bed semi detached bungalow. I have several jobs, no degree; an old Audi; three dogs; a caravan, and a bloody brilliant life!

Love this post.....
I live on the English Scottish border, we exist on my NHS pension and fostering allowance for our gd.

I used to earn lots of money and had some fab holidays.

Life is good, we are relatively poor but we have no mortgage and drive a 19 plate car that's paid for. Our little village is in an idyllic location and our house is a standard 3 bedroom size. Living in the North is definitely cheaper than the south, my house would sell for around 180k and it's the type of house, in the kind of location that those programmes espouse as leaving the city for the country.

I’m hoping to get another 10 years out of my very small 2009 plate car 😁. Clearly the threads complaining about VAT on school fees will be full of people with kids at private school but for the most part MN seems pretty diverse and it would be boring if it wasn’t. And never forget that someone with a fabulous car/going on lots of hols may not really be that well offf - it is interesting to do your credit score on Clearscore and see the average for the UK and your area (it always reminds me that appearances can be deceptive).

It's probably what you are drawn to or notice most. People who contribute to threads about holidays abroad most likely go on them, people who contribute to childcare discussions mostly have under fives, people whose husbands have had affairs like to discuss a MNetter's suspicions of her husband etc.

For what it is worth we don't have a massive income but we have had some inheritances and an above averaged sized house. We only buy second hand cars - the car I drive is 15 years old. We do spend money on holidays abroad but our kitchen badly needs doing as does our shower room and we don't have a cleaner. Our children went to state schools (I'm anti private education but couldn't afford it anyway), we mainly shop in Tescos or Sainsbury's.

It sounds like you are a lot better off than many of us on MN?

It's all in how you phrase it and how people interpret it Op. Here's a few true statements from my life in an upstairs flat in a shitty ex-mining village today....and what the actual reality is:

My cleaner did a great job today!
( she comes for an hour once a fortnight as it's all I can afford)

It was roasting in the greenhouse..
( because it cost me £30 third hand,is barely big enough to stand up in and some of the panels are boarded up)

The pond in the garden attracts wildlife..
(I dug it myself and it's about the size of a large puddle which you can step across. Local frogs use it to fornicate in)

DS is off on his 3rd cruise next month.
( He's a self employed musician who works for P&O from time to time)

I had a pleasant chat with the General today
( the General is a cat!)

I’ve been on MN forever and fwiw I haven’t got a pot to piss in, live in a shithole deprived area, no pension, no savings. But I’m generally quite happy in life. Money can’t buy that.

Or me ! I deregister and nc because at times have over shared on very personal matters growing up
It takes all kinds,op don't feel that anyone is above you 💗

You notice what is different.

I read mumsnet and it seems like the assumption is that everyone is entitled to some kind of benefits or at least would be if they left their spouse. People just seem to accept that secondary school are rough. There also seem to be a large number of young adults who aren’t actively working on careers and their parents don’t seem particularly worried.

in reality, I doubt mumsnet skews particularly wealthy or poor. We just aren’t used to seeing life outside our own little bubbles.

I'm a band 6 nurse earning 39k, partner is on minimum wage. We live in a two bed rented terrace with a 10mo, looking to buy soon. Shop between Tesco and Aldi. Have maybe 1 holiday a year abroad, or sometimes a UK break instead.

Parents are from council house mining backgrounds. I'm very much normal.

I think a lot of parenting transcends money, but it does make me laugh when you get posts like 'is £2000£ after bills enough a month?' and 'just get a better job' when someone is struggling with bills, as though it's that easy 😭😂

I've felt this way at times too! I read a thread where there were a few comments suggesting a 4 bed house was too small for the OPs family and they should get a 5 bed. I don't know anyone with a 5 bed house!

I have noticed that MN is either one extreme or the other.

Personally, I am on disability benefits and shop at Lidl. Neither me nor my DP drive because we live in a city centre. We are homeowners, but it’s a very small house, which has two bedrooms. We love our little house though.

I like the diversity of MN. It's interesting to get out of your own bubble sometimes - although I'm never going to talk about cars! At the same time it's obviously a way to talk to others with similar interests and concerns. The private day school threads (I was on them a decade ago) tend to focus on London schools with highly competitive entry. I'm well aware this isn't anything like most people's experience, but it was mine, and a small but vocal demographic exists, the same as any of the others.

I don’t have a Range Rover because they are crap cars! But I’m not the type you’re describing either. I’m a single parent who is actually comfortable financially and can afford nice things and holidays etc BUT that has come after years of being on the bones of my backside, when I first had my second child and I was a new single parent I had literally £60 a week to live on for everything.
my children have been state educated and my eldest is off to uni this year. I still have the “skint mentality” though, I refuse to be ripped off and won’t spend more than is necessary on things.

I find mumsnet quite a diverse place and although I’m not a regular poster I’ve hovered around for a long time - my eldest is 18 and I’ve dipped in and out over the years and seen many different types of posters/threads over the years.

All due respect, you're talking absolute rubbish! I would say I'm an average Mumsnetter (possibly a bit older than some) and my car was born in 2011 and I live in a 3 bed terrace. I literally don't know, and don't think I've ever been friends with, anyone who drives a Range Rover or Land Rover. I can only think of one friend who lives in a 5 bed house.