I'm not sure if I fit in on MN because I'm less well-off financially than the average poster

[OtherHalfMNer]

I've been on MN for a couple of years now. I can't help but feel like I am operating in a different financial plane compared to the average MNer. I drive a small car (2018 plate Fiesta) while I see a lot of MNers who talk about having SUVs. I think if there was a car to represent the average MNer, it would be a new or nearly new Range Rover or similar luxury SUV. A 2024 plate Evoque, which is a popular model on MN, starts from 40k on the road according to a quick Google. The difference in what car I drive (or can afford) compared to most MNers is just the start of it though. Regarding schools, I have read that private schools account for around 7% of the total number of children attending schools in the UK. If I had to guess what the figure is amongst Mumsnetters with DCs specifically, I'd be willing to wager that it's a significantly higher percentage. I have 2 primary age DCs who attend a state school which is rated as requiring improvement by Ofsted. There are no better state school alternatives locally. I would love to be able to send them to a private school. There are 2 within a 10-mile radius of where we live which are rated as outstanding in every category. Unfortunately we simply can't afford the fees. We'd need to take on significant debts which wouldn't be sustainable. I've noticed that whenever grocery shopping is discussed, Waitrose and M&S are invariably the top preferences on MN. I go to Tesco as I can't afford M&S or Waitrose food prices. The theme continues with holidays. The DCs have never been to Disney World in Florida. I sometimes feel like everyone on MN has been there with their DCs. As with private schools, I would dearly love to be able to take them there, but we just couldn't afford the cost of such a trip. We can barely afford one holiday a year, and only to Europe with budget airlines in the cheapest seats available. I regularly see MNers talking about going on multiple family holidays per year, including long-haul flights with BA and other such airlines.

Last but not least, I must also mention the house I live in. It's a small terraced house with 3 bedrooms in an undesirable urban location in the north of England. The average MNer seems to commonly live in a 4 or 5-bed detached in a leafy suburb, often in London or the south east. I'm wondering if there are any other posters who, though not necessarily living hand-to-mouth or struggling to make ends meet, are under no illusions about the fact that they are worse off than the average person on MN? I still find the site to be a useful resource for support and advice, but I feel I don't quite fit in due to not being able to relate to the lifestyle enjoyed by other regular posters. It's not so much a case of how the other half live - on MN, it's more a case of how everyone else except me seems to live.

😂 really OP?

people can be whoever they want to be online. Remember that.

fwiw I DO have an suv but it’s a 2013 plate.
I live in a 3 bed semi.
my children attend state school.
I shop at Sainsbury’s.

Also, further to my earlier posts, the threads that really bother me are when someone decides to make others feel small.

The kind of "you have to have one year's salary saved before you go on holiday"... who on earth writes anything like this?

This kind of thing on Mumsnet I reckon is probably written by people who either have this, and then really should be out there enjoying it instead of winding up others... or people who DON'T have it, and therefore need to be very quiet, because why would they take a position they can't inhabit themselves?

My town doesn't even have a Waitrose.
It does have a private school but it is aimed at a very specific exclusive religious demographic rather than academic excellence.
No one feels poor because no one else is shopping at Waitrose or going to private school.

How do you know so much personal data about the cars and homes of users of this sight? I only know what they post on here and to be honest it reminds me of an episode of Brookside.

I live in a tiny 3 bed and wouldn’t even dream of ever being able to afford private school or Disney land Florida or be bothered about them either. My kids can run about with their friends at the local park which I bet the local private school kids don’t, because they all live in remote countryside houses and get driven everywhere. And I’m happy going on holiday to France without being stuck on a plane all day and then ending up in Trump land. My life is still an absolute privilege compared to many round the world.

It's smoke and mirrors, look at various threads about expensive things - lots of SUV hate, cheap rings on the engagement ring thread, luxury bag threads involve alot of protesting, lots of hate on expensive cosmetic procedures, most threads involving photos of houses look on the middle side vs the upper end. Then all of the anti benefit cutting threads etc.

I can believe most of it tbh.

Every day on here there are multiple threads about private school which is something that is only going to be on the mental radar of the top 7% of wealthiest people. I mean think of how many times in real life you've sat and discussed private schools (unless you are one of said wealthy posters) probably never.

Well then I don't belong either I'm broke as shit and ate ramen for tea and I've never been on holiday anywhere 🤷

lol here to add my input just to show there are “poorer” people on here.
I live in a 3 bedroom house which is rented from the council. I live with my OH, our two kids and our two cats. We both used to work full time in great jobs but disability for one of us and assault followed by disability got the other and neither of us can work now.
We literally get UC, PIP x1 (OH isn’t eligible) and our DD gets a small amount of DLA as she is diagnosed with ASD.
I know there will be people commenting saying “you get your rent paid for, your council tax paid for”. We do. I am beyond grateful. Our gas, electric, water, food, insurances, phone bills (all payg), and additional bits really do add up.

I would LOVE to go back to work. But I can lose function of anything at any time and / or pass out. I passed out in the shower yesterday. My OH has a severe back issue so can’t do much for me but is still always here for me and without him I’d probably be dead by now 🙃

We save tiny amounts (literally the lose change on transactions) and put it in a savings account. It all adds up and we use this for holidays. It’s not as often as we would like and it isn’t extravagant but it’s a holiday away from home where we can all be together so we enjoy it.

Money is not the meaning of happiness. You make your own happiness.

Hopefully Mumsnet common denominator is being a parent, irrespective of your income or affluence.
Being parent has the same issues whether rich or poor or somewhere in between. Sure you may not be able to contribute to a ‘shall we go skiing or the Bahamas’ for holidays, but if the issue is Jonny loves to ski but Harriet hates it I’m sure you have had times when one child wants to go to one activity which the other hates. What car one drives or size of house doesn’t impact decisions about parenting. Someone wealthier may not be able to relate to ‘I’ve got three kids but only two bedrooms’, but there are plenty who can.
I live in a three bed terrace. The fact it’s on an expensive street with houses circa £1m doesn’t mean my issues with my next door neighbour is any less troublesome than if it was worth £100k somewhere else.

I always think of the posh MNers driving a massive Volvo that they constantly complain about.

I think MN users are a fairly diverse bunch (it would be boring otherwise) but we're a very articulate crowd, regardless of income, and I love our debates!

PS - I do yoga so I guess I'm very posh indeed :)

Why on earth would your income/wealth level be a barrier to being on mumsnet? There are no entry critera. The only requirement is that you aren't a dickhead/troll. Even misogynistic wankers are just about tolerated if they can manage to be polite (though they will be told they are amisogynistic wanker obviously).

There are mumsnetters at all income levels. There's just as many threads about helping people work out what benefits they are entitled to and how to make a meal from a random foodbank haul as there are threads about how to invest a £600,000 windfall.

For reference my car is a lot older than yours (2012, not a luxury type) and we get fewer holidays (we have a week away approx once every 3 years) with a maximum budget that is a tiny fraction of what would be needed for eg florida disney (not that I would want that). I have a child at private school on a bursary and live in a small 3 bed semi with each room insufficient to swing a cat.

You are welcome on any thread that is relevant/interesting to you. It's easy to ignore the threads that aren't.

How old are you @OtherHalfMNer? The average MN is quite old I think so it skews things considerably.

True. As MN has got older so have posters, so a lot of people now on State Pension.

No car here, no holidays abroad (barring a few trips to see family in Ireland) since 2014, small house.

I never complain though as this was a sacrifice we made willingly so I can work 3 days per week [slashing my albeit decent salary in half] to be at home for our 3 DC, the youngest of whom is disabled.

We live in London but we benefit from amazing public transport / being able to walk to lots of places and having all the amenities you can think of on our doorstep.

We budget accordingly, holiday in the UK (or fly to see family in Ireland), we make use of all the free stuff available.

I think it’s often those who are well off reply to talk about it or it’s fictional.

There was a thread recently where absolutely everyone pays off their credit card every month, without fail! In reality I know lots of people who don’t.

Fellow 3 bed northerner here by the way. 😁

Why do you feel like you have to "fit in"?

It's an anonymous forum - no one knows who you are, what you are wearing, where you went to school.

If there is a thread about private schools, holidays to Barbados or expensive handbags that you don't feel interested in, then go and read something else.

The forum is full of threads that do not in any way reflect my life. But that's fine - I don't feel personally slighted by that.

Why do you?

I honestly don’t know where you’re getting that impression from. MN has always seemed like quite a mix to me. I’ve never come across anyone on here who I’d describe as properly rich, though there are a fair few who seem to be doing significantly better than average. The impression I get is that the majority are actually struggling a bit, especially in recent years. Family tax credits (or whatever the correct name is) seems to be the norm, so clearly not brand new SUV territory. I always felt there was a nice lack of judgement from most people. You do get the odd person who is completely clueless about those less wealthy than themselves, but it’s not particularly common.

My car is 8 years old and dhs is 6. We do have a 4 bed house but we paid 130k for it as we live in a rough area. Kids in state school ofsted good. We jointly earn 75k and have never had a long haul holiday

Cars mean nothing, anyone with an expensive car, like the RR you reference, it will be on finance of some sort.

My neighours daughter makes me piss as she lords it up and has to mention at any given opportunity that they have a Tesla. Couldn’t give a shiny shit as I know they don’t own it 😂

Also to add, we don’t have a car at all. Can’t afford one.

I have a mobility scooter due to my disabilities as I’d go nowhere otherwise.

Well there will always be people doing better than you or worse than you.

I am old now, DC living their best lives in London. I downsized from our family home (long standing SP) to a tiny cottage by the sea. I drive an 11 year old Fiesta, and spend all my money on holidays.

When my DC were little, I had to work four different jobs to keep a roof over our heads. Things change, and you can only do the best you can with the resources available.

As Dorothy Parker said, “If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gives it to”

Ah fear not OP there is a whole range of wealth and poverty on here.

I drive a 15 plate small skoda. So 10 years old now. No plans to replace.

I live in a box standard new build with small kitchen and overlooked garden. Plus in Scotland so way cheaper than down south. It is detached and by that I mean each neighbour is 4 feet from the wall of the next house. Still get plenty of annoying street noise.

I shop in waitrose and Tesco and often go between the two online seeing who has each thing the cheapest. Believe it or not sometimes Waitrose is cheaper than Tesco and sometimes Tesco is out of stock so i get it in Waitrose.

Retired at 52 and living very frugually (it's fine, I'd rather have my freedom than buy lots of stuff although I did treat myself to some art work at the start of retirement but that was a 'one off' and I figure I will get lots of value from it over the years)

Had a few lovely hols in my day (Maldives, Mauritius, Carribean etc) but just not fussed anymore. Last holiday was 2014 to Cornwall. Not been anywhere since.

I do have a dog who is a senior now and has cost me an eye watering amount this last year due to illness but I love the wee monster so what can you do.

Hardly ever buy clothes. Well i do but send most of them back as trying to lose weight so everything looks crap.

We are definately not all rich here. I know how you feel though. I seem to be surrounded by neighbours who are constantly on holiday and have new cars every couple of years. I can't complain I had quite a few new cars in my day but I'm quite happy with my old car as I only potter about doing errands and taking the dog to parks/beach. A flash car would be a waste of money quite frankly.

I am planning on moving at some point but not to anything more expensive. Just a sort of same value switch if you like. Nashing my teeth at cost of moving house but I'd like a bungalow ideally 2 beds but even 1 would be ok. I do need detached though cos I keep irregular hours now being retired.

So lots of us here with our eye on our finances and living very ordinary lives.

When I was younger and earning a good salary I did spend alot of money on house upgrades, new cars, holidays, posh clothes and makeup but that makes it easier to not have them now (sort of been there, done that). I'd far rather have my animals now than commercial purchases.

if you have a roof over your head which you like or at least don't mind plus a family you love you are already rich. I watched a few people die in the last few years and it has really made me realise that the things to value are health, people/animals you love. The rest is just made up bullshit.

Aaaaaw OP, you can be whoever you want to be online.