I'm not sure if I fit in on MN because I'm less well-off financially than the average poster

[OtherHalfMNer]

I've been on MN for a couple of years now. I can't help but feel like I am operating in a different financial plane compared to the average MNer. I drive a small car (2018 plate Fiesta) while I see a lot of MNers who talk about having SUVs. I think if there was a car to represent the average MNer, it would be a new or nearly new Range Rover or similar luxury SUV. A 2024 plate Evoque, which is a popular model on MN, starts from 40k on the road according to a quick Google. The difference in what car I drive (or can afford) compared to most MNers is just the start of it though. Regarding schools, I have read that private schools account for around 7% of the total number of children attending schools in the UK. If I had to guess what the figure is amongst Mumsnetters with DCs specifically, I'd be willing to wager that it's a significantly higher percentage. I have 2 primary age DCs who attend a state school which is rated as requiring improvement by Ofsted. There are no better state school alternatives locally. I would love to be able to send them to a private school. There are 2 within a 10-mile radius of where we live which are rated as outstanding in every category. Unfortunately we simply can't afford the fees. We'd need to take on significant debts which wouldn't be sustainable. I've noticed that whenever grocery shopping is discussed, Waitrose and M&S are invariably the top preferences on MN. I go to Tesco as I can't afford M&S or Waitrose food prices. The theme continues with holidays. The DCs have never been to Disney World in Florida. I sometimes feel like everyone on MN has been there with their DCs. As with private schools, I would dearly love to be able to take them there, but we just couldn't afford the cost of such a trip. We can barely afford one holiday a year, and only to Europe with budget airlines in the cheapest seats available. I regularly see MNers talking about going on multiple family holidays per year, including long-haul flights with BA and other such airlines.

Last but not least, I must also mention the house I live in. It's a small terraced house with 3 bedrooms in an undesirable urban location in the north of England. The average MNer seems to commonly live in a 4 or 5-bed detached in a leafy suburb, often in London or the south east. I'm wondering if there are any other posters who, though not necessarily living hand-to-mouth or struggling to make ends meet, are under no illusions about the fact that they are worse off than the average person on MN? I still find the site to be a useful resource for support and advice, but I feel I don't quite fit in due to not being able to relate to the lifestyle enjoyed by other regular posters. It's not so much a case of how the other half live - on MN, it's more a case of how everyone else except me seems to live.

There are a huge range of life circumstances on these boards. People really struggling to make ends meet, women suffering in terrible relationships, people who are really isolated. You have a job, a car, a house and a family. You are doing better than a lot of people here. Stop only seeing those who are better off than you.

I think if there was a car to represent the average MNer, it would be a new or nearly new Range Rover or similar luxury SUV.

I don't think this at all! Some people will have one but most won't!

There's all sorts on here. There's really nothing to worry about. I don't mean this in a way dismissive of your feelings but this is the Internet. It doesn't matter. And people can say anything anyway so who knows what's even true?

It is the diversity of women and lifestyles that I like about MN. Personally I could care less about holidays having travelled for work . But if a MN does want to go to Orlando , it's nice to ask about others experiences. A big part of MN is the Relationship boards where it does not matter if you are rich or poor, your emotional states can be the same whether your are dealing with a partner , parent or child . Being able to articulate it here as opposed to RL can be a real source of comfort . And assurance that others have been where you are and gave over support and advice.
Plus every so often there is a thread that gives everyone a bloody good laugh.

Dont believe everything on here.
Most of its bullshit overexaggerate drama queens everything is abuse men are atms women are never wrong every 8 out of 10 threads start with i have or my child has SEN just to get a free pass on bad behaviour.
No one claims or have ever claimed benefits but all get the child benefit most own homes and never been a HA tenant and the all drive up market cars and own a credit card.
The list goes on really.
however im dirt poor dont drive and im a HA tenant.

Some say it's all lies and I guess they could be right.
But judging by the amount of threads discussing private schools which is something only on the mental radar of the top 7% wealthiest people I can genuinely believe the mumsnetters claiming to be earning X amount are being honest.

I suppose I'm extremely broke compared to most on here I can't even afford a car haha I still dont feel like I don't belong on here it's an anonymous website anyone can be using you have no idea who you are talking to

I actually think there’s a huge variety on here. From people worried if £5k spending money per month will be enough, to people who are seriously genuinely struggling.

We are financially fortunate that we don’t have a mortgage to pay off (thanks to a combination of working like crazy for several years before I met DH and some inheritance from his side), but I am now only working a minimum wage job two (long) days a week which fits in perfectly for now with spending lots of time with my pre-schooler. DH has his own business that he works like crazy on but so far doesn’t give a great income. I appreciate neither of us would be able to do this if we had a mortgage or rent to pay, but overall it leaves us pretty average money-wise. No luxuries but we’re not struggling.

Ah honey, MN feels like a parallel universe to me as I'm an absolute pauper and have apparently made all the bad life decisions. However, everyone has an opinions, experiences and advice to offer depending on the subject, and life is a learning curve, nobody is perfect.

Yes, anybody can say anything on here and it may or may not be true.

Best thing to do is keep MN in its place which is a mix of entertainment and current affairs.

I have enjoyed many interesting threads, and occasionally will be a thorn in the side of less pleasant posters if my experience directly contradicts their opinion.

I often think if the Alice in Wonderland quote about all being mad here, but then all the best people are.... 😘

I swear half of MN earns 6 figures as a full time worker in a busy job while still being able to do all school drop offs, pick ups, and take the kids to every activity going and still have a freshly cooked UPF free dinner on the table at 5pm every night. Their equally high earning husband is either just as engaged and does the same hours or he's away on business all the time.

I don't earn enough to cover the nursery bill, the kids are in childcare till nearly 6pm when I work and they eat wotsits.

I suspect you're better off than a lot of posters.

And, of course, you live in So-Ha don't you?

We live in the South East OP, and are a young couple in our mid 30s and we absolutely do live pay check to pay check. It’s a real struggle living down here and I wish I could move up north or to a more affordable area, but my husband needs to be near London for work, and all of our family live here.

We don’t have children. We do have two cars, but we are looking to go down to one. We shop in Tesco weekly. Maybe 1 holiday per year, and a couple of UK weekends away. I’m quite happy with our lifestyle but we are by no means wealthy.

Why do you even care what a bunch of anonymous people say on a forum? Half of it's probably lies anyway.
Fwiw I don't have a car, don't go on holiday to Disney and live in a 2bed house so 🤷🏼‍♀️
Comparison is the thief of joy.

2008 Citroen carts Picasso on a low income!

definitely don’t feel the posters are as described in OP

Some posters are more prolific than others and are somewhat out of touch. There’s one wealthy poster on the travel threads who dishes out advice which is generally outdated. She’s older, retired and has grown up children now. She travelled with her kids in a different era for the travel industry, yet still churns out the same old irrelevant stuff on here.

Don’t overthink it

What’s your bank balance got to do with the ability of post your thoughts , questions , views etc . You
don’t have to be rich to contribute

But it certainly influences your thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, opinions etc.

I am with the OP, and hear what they’re saying. Mumsnet can often be a place for people to come to for support and to relate to others. If everyone posting is from a certain background, it can FEEL isolating.

However, OP needs to be aware that there is diversity here.

I'm a single mum on £50K and live in a three bed semi (that I own, with a small mortgage) in the south east. Kids at grammar schools and I drive a Vauxhall Corsa. I swing between feeling I'm massively privileged and loads of people can only dream of living like me, to feeling like the poor relative in a Victorian novel, depending on which Mumsnet thread I'm on! You get the performatively poor people as well as the out-of-touch rich. I actually find it hard to believe any of them are real and not MN personas.

I don't even have a car OP. I take my children out by bus. And Iive in a flat. Buy clothes on Vinted. Never felt I didn't fit in here because of it🤷‍♀️

I still find the site to be a useful resource for support and advice.

This is the purpose of MN isn't it, no more, no less. Or have I been missing something for all these years?

Agree, I always imagine most MN’ers to drive old Volvos personally 😆

I understand where you’re coming from, OP. Sometimes I read the threads on MN about advice on their cleaners and au pairs and private education woes and the number of people responding with what solution they have with their maid or nanny and I wonder if I’m in a parallel universe.

But I think the reason is because I don’t socialise with these type of people in RL so they stand out more to me on MN. My DH has some wealthy friends through work but very few if any of my social circle have ever had a cleaner. So when someone talks about their posh people problem I can just hear my friends in my mind calling out ‘ooooooh aren’t we fancy fancy’

Most "high earners" here seem to be talking the bullshit

Seriously, I could say I'm Angelina Jolies stunt double and I earn 70 squillion pounds a year..... does that sound true? How likely is it that a high earner is going to post here worrying about how to survive each month on more money than most of us in the UK take home each month?

I think there are a LOT of people on here @OtherHalfMNer who do a sort of performative South-West London, upper middle class cosplay.

They know what the trappings are, and they might have some of them, but they sure as hell then talk up the other half of it.

They may or may not own a Discovery, they may or may not take three holidays a year. They might have both kids in private school, they might have ordered a Wolf range cooker with Sub Zero refrigerator and Fisher and Paykel fittings.

On the internet, I am anyone. I can be anything.

I'm old - late seventies. I worked for extra pocket money (1p a week) from being eight years of age. I desperately wanted my own pony, as I rode the one that our neighbour's family had. Their children had disabilities and went to termly boarding school. My father died unexpectedly when I was ten years old and in the familial confusion, I bought my first pony. She was £5. I worked more jobs to keep her, and using this method, I have had horses ever since.

I'm fully retired now, and the current incumbent is 29 years old, and is also retired. He lives in a fabulous place with his breeder, costs me most of my professional pension and keeps me sane.
I have a cat that I rescued from being dog bait. He, too, lives a life of luxury and ease, is insured to the hilt and wants for nothing.
Generally, I prefer animals to people. I find them more trustworthy.
I live on a dangerous tidal river, on my 200yr-old barge, which I own outright. Moorings are £122 pw, but I do jobs for the marina owners. My car is an 04 registered Fiat Panda 1.2cc and does about 40-50 miles to the gallon. I do about 50 miles per week on average.