45k salary entirely eaten by childcare

[Sofiewoo]

Granted salaries aren’t what they were only a handful of years ago but aibu to be shocked that my 45k salary is now entirely eaten by childcare and getting to work??
I figured if you are earning in the 20s you would assume that but not mid 40s!

I’m trying to weigh up whether to just take the next year and a half off instead of working for nothing. I know, pension, career blah blah but it’s mentally very difficult to juggle drop offs, work schedules and sickness but be no better off financially at the end of the month.

Did anyone else not realise it was a bad as this?

Well the OP and the father are losing some of their wages to childcare, yes. Taking a year out sounds decent on paper, the job market is fucked though and it's far from guaranteed to walk back into a job- can guarantee barely any men would ever consider this. Personally I stayed working full time and as I progressed in those years can now afford to work term time only which means more time with my children which we couldn't have afforded otherwise, even though the early years were hard going.

I assume the same as she has now, since her wage is taken up with childcare costs. Just she wont have the stress of getting to work, doing her job, worrying about collecting if one is sick, fitting household chores in, commuting etc.

OP i get it, if i was you i would seriously consider having the career break for all the reasons above and going back part time when theyre at school. I suggest part time as you will still need childcare when your working (wrap around and school holidays) which obviously isn’t free and unless your a teacher you wont have enough annual leave to cover the holidays which then works out where i am about £70 a day (for two) - however you will then have some income month to month which means you can enjoy life abit more and put abit aside to cover the summer.

As for pensions etc whilst many say its a worry now i disagree because the worry now is getting through day to day - realistically 1.5 years out of work currently when your working until your 67 is going to make minimal difference.

I was earning about £25k when i went back after my first maternity leave. This was before any childcare help was brought in. We paid £1100 a month for nursery. Dh on about £18k, no benefits other than child benefit because I was at the time an immigrant on a spousal visa/limited leave to remain, which made our entire household ineligible for benefits (not that I would have wanted them anyway). We didn’t have a second until our 1st was school age because we didn’t want to be in a situation of having to pay for 2 in childcare at £1100 a month.

That nursery bill ate up my entire salary except for maybe £100-200 a month. But my salary steadily increased. By the time I went back after my second maternity leave, I was making double what I had been previously. Continuing to work even when the total contribution to the household from my employment after nursery was small was long term incredibly beneficial. I’m out of work now due to long term sickness, but my FT salary would be about £60k to that initial £25k 11 years ago. Very much paid myself back from all those lean years.

Are you working for money or experience? That question might help you answer your predicament. It sounds like the money isn’t lucrative but a few years of additional experience might be.

You can absolutely suggest someone focus on being a mother for a year, what you can’t do is speak disdainfully when women want to carry on working, despite whatever short-term reduction of income that is.

The father’s salary pays for childcare proportionate to what the couple earn together, FYI. It’s not very bright to assume otherwise nor to suggest that no woman would regret taking a career break.

Can you do part time to keep your foot in the job market and some independence? Your oldest one will be in school soon.

Having kids is expensive and it doesn’t stop at nursery; after that is clubs, holidays clubs, clothing, tutors later on if they need them and you can afford it, entertainment.

Bring back the days of living close to grandparents happy to share in a child's upbringing free of charge to allow mothers to continue working.

That definitely isn't available around here, unfortunately. We have school wrap-around which has a huge waiting list, and precisely two childminders who pick up from the school and don't do holidays for older kids. That's it.

Those posting ‘I had this problem 15 years ago and I gave up work’.

I’d argue things have changed quite drastically since then - particularly the cost of housing, meaning living on one wage for any length of time is nigh on impossible.

Except all the grandparents are still working as they cant retire until 67 … then theyre too knackered to help

You’re in the trenches now but your situation is temporary. Focus on that, and how the days just fly by.

Please don’t give up your job - Trump has plunged the world into a massive recession and jobs will soon be hard to get. Just keep marching for now.

I was earning £50k when I had my children (now 16 and 17), my take home after pension contributions was around £3k, nursery fees for my DD’s would have been about £2300 per month, by the time I had factored in travel expenses it wasn’t worth me going back to work, I also had a fairly high pressured job with some travelling. I gave my career up, it has allowed my DH to focus on his (he was always a higher earner), I stayed home until my girls at funded nursery and then have worked part time around family hours since. Childcare costs have always been a killer on the finances. We were in the South East at the time, basic nursery day was £50 per child with extra added for early drop off/late pick up which we would have had to utilise. I would have been dropping off at 7.30, picking up at 6pm, a case of bath/bed start again. I am very pleased I chose to stay at home with them instead

They aren't going to suffer PTSD. It is a reality of life that sometimes things change. Of course it's not business as usual. Of course it takes time. It's called normal life and happens all the time. You can't protect them from every tiny little change life throws up because they might be too helpless to cope with it. How do you think people who have to move out of the area manage? Upset at unfamiliar faces? And then a few minutes later they've forgotten all about It because there's another child over there to play with. There are things in life you can and should prevent children from having to experience, being upset at unfamiliar faces isn't one of them. It's no wonder children have no resilience anymore when parents just won't allow them to experience change because they think it's all too traumatic for them and they can't possibly cope.

I faced the same situation as you when my kids were young. I was working for £50 a month after childcare and work expenses. I stuck it out (part time later going back full time) because being an older mother returning to the workplace is difficult.

it’s a temporary situation that levels out as the free hours cut in and again when school starts. You’ll find your expenses (clothes, going out) naturally decrease anyway when your kids are very young anyway.

I am out the other side now and am very glad I stuck it out: at 57 my career is still flourishing and my pension is secure . Many of my friends who returned did not manage to get back to their previous levels.

I remember looking into nursery when my DC were that age and working out I'd need to earn £35k to break even on childcare and travel (i didnt earn close to that) ....that was 15 years ago so completely believable. I'm more surprised at the posters doubting it.

Don’t feel guilty about taking the time to be at home with your little ones, who will grow up so, so quickly. You haven’t got that long until the youngest gets nursery funding which will help, and you will never regret the time spent with your children or get it back! Plus, I can almost guarantee you this would be most beneficial outcome for them and that should come into the equation.

I didn’t work until my dd2 was 3. It wasn’t worth it. I went back to work and was pleased when dd1 went to school, that was a massive help and only had to pay for breakfast and ASC. It became even better when they went to high school as there were zero childcare costs.
It does get better.

I agree with this. It's money coming into the household. But I would take the year or so off If you could get another job fairly easily in your field. Would your current employers consider giving you a career break.

This attitude is why we’re having a current crisis with emotional disconnect between many parents and their kids, and why they are having to make a series like “adolescence” and people are scratching their heads and wondering where it all went wrong!

True for many but by no means everyone.

The useful thing you can do is to go part-time. Baby gets 2-3 days in nursery, you enjoy time with the baby. 3yo you can put into school nursery with childminder wrap-around for the 2-3 days and it'll be far cheaper, as well as letting them get to know kids they'll be in reception with. You keep your career and some pension contributions.

Children have no resilience because I don’t think it’s work changing nursery settings to save £50 a month for a couple of months?

Okay sure Jan.

Your DC are small for a very short time. Even 30 years ago, I paid £750 for a London nursery for three days a week for one child. The baby was always ill and rarely at nursery, I was unreliable vis a vis work. At that time I didn't like my job enough to suck it up and hated working part time. The options were: childminder or full-time nanny or give up work. I did, for 7 years. They were seven wonderful years.

I went back to work locally, initially part-time and retrained. No regrets. I'm 64 now. There is an old saying "give me a boy until he is 7 and I will show you the man.

This is a very naive and privileged perspective. My parents (early 60s) have to work full time to pay the bills. When are they supposed to look after my kids…?

I would give up work. Life's too short for that. I left a job to have kids. Fifteen years later I was offered a job!