45k salary entirely eaten by childcare

[Sofiewoo]

Granted salaries aren’t what they were only a handful of years ago but aibu to be shocked that my 45k salary is now entirely eaten by childcare and getting to work??
I figured if you are earning in the 20s you would assume that but not mid 40s!

I’m trying to weigh up whether to just take the next year and a half off instead of working for nothing. I know, pension, career blah blah but it’s mentally very difficult to juggle drop offs, work schedules and sickness but be no better off financially at the end of the month.

Did anyone else not realise it was a bad as this?

Why would I be nearly 50?? 😂

I would agree with the majority and try and do part time, say 3 days a week. Yes, all your salary will still go on childcare but you will have a good balance of time with your children and adult company at work and, more importantly it keeps your CV alive so you could return to work full time and reap the financial benefits when they go to school. Too long a gap on your CV can put you at a disadvantage when applying for jobs.

The vast majority of SAHP's are women though. Your DH is in a small minority.

This!
I also spent a fortune on childcare (pre supposed free hours which are not really free as childcare provisions can’t run on the government payments). I paid around £900 per child, plus petrol, car upkeep due to mileage, smart clothing etc I worked out I was only a mere £200 a month better off working. It was more the stress of juggling getting everyone dressed, up and out the door and me to work with zero tolerance if I was 3 minutes late (which I honestly appreciate its not acceptable, but also trying to be a Mum).

I thought b*llocks to career I need time out and I knew I was good enough to rejoin and I did that too no problem and I was refreshed.

OP said she bought a £200 travel card.

The private nurseries are actually complaining that the government is setting up more school nurseries.

In my view we should never have got to the stage where we allowed basically private for profit companies to run childcare. We should have done the German Kindergarten model.

£200 off doesn’t make a difference.

Op , the U.K. is shameful for childcare costs and honestly the quality is no better than lots of other European countries here people pay 20% if the cost here or less .
Bottom line is do you like your job ? Do you like being all day with the kids ? If you think you cope well and you don’t pups I’ve more time with your children then by all means take a break. You will never get that time with them back , your work can backtrack a couple of years , so what ? Nobody in their deathbed ever said “ I wish I would have workers harder “ but I bet many wish they spend more time with their loved ones .
I reduced my hours when my middle Cahill was born and worked from home when my youngest was born and I have no regrets . The time I had with them is priceless .

I went freelance when mine were young - actually tried to quit but ended up working for former employer for bits and bobs and then expanded from there. some years that meant very little (like a few hours a month) and some years it was more like 2-3 days a week, but it meant I had a continued work history, maintained skills and contacts. Recently went back into full time employment after 6 years out and earning what I earned when I left + 10%.

if I had never left ft employment I would be earning more than what I am now (probably), but it doesn’t have to derail your career entirely. I felt very nervous going back, worried if I could still perform at the expected level, etc, but it comes back quite quickly. In many respects I come to the job with a different mindset that makes it easier to be effective.

Don’t forget staying at home with your children is not cost neutral. You are likely to incur some actual costs e.g. heating, children’s meals and activities/materials to meet their development needs. All currently covered by nursery. If you enjoy your career suck it up or try to temporarily reduce hours as PPs have suggested - but you are gaining things other than salary and investing in your future. But I absolutely see your point and it’s galling.

It isn’t always the same story. There are multiple stories. You only ever know in retrospect whether your decisions worked out the way you intended. If it were always the same story, everybody would know the one with the guaranteed happy ending.

The UK is a nightmare for letting businesses make profit from loads of essential services.
Nursing homes are the same.

So much of the counties infrastructure is in private hands. Then we wonder why taxes are so high.

I don't have any solution to your issue, the world has changed so much since I was in your situation. 15 years ago we had 2 salaries £40K total, a big 3 bed semi + mortgage, 2 cars and all the bills. DS was born. I had 6 months mat leave and went back to work part time., 20 hours. I had a childminder who charged £3.50 an hour paid for via childcare vouchers through DH salary sacrifice. Our cars weren't new, we had what furniture we could afford.

It seems like the world's gone mad since - everybody's got to have everything because somebody else has got it.

Is there a possibility of looking into different child care arrangements - a nanny may actually be cheaper and no getting ready and drop offs/pick ups with your two DC could make a huge difference?

A childminder would be cheaper. Nursery is probably the most expensive option and even then fees vary considerably. I found a much cheaper one off the main track which was very homely, freshly prepared food, good staff interactions.

Alternatively compressed or part time hours could be a solution rather than stopping work altogether. Parental leave could give you time out of work on a more temporary basis, especially if you are feeling burnt out at the moment?

I never really looked at it as a glass half empty type situation as focused on the upsides of working (not only financial), plus as you say all money is pooled so your DH is paying in and taking out of the same pot as well, Does he look at it the way you do?

You aren’t working for nothing as it isn’t all coming out of your salary. Many wouldn’t view it the same way as you do, which seems like a burnt out perspective, You don’t need an excuse if you don’t want to consider the other options and want to stop working though, just do it.

Yes. Salaries of women are notioriously and now illegally kept low because of this. So yeah, people noticed.

be careful that you can be going back to work or be able to access money really and also that you can indeed provide all the social for your babe.

Good luck 👌

OP - it is exactly why I decided to give up work when my kids were born. After tax, NI and travelling costs I would have paid to go to work!

Yes, my other half would have paid for the childcare, it doesn’t change the fact that overall we would not have been better off with me working.

I started doing part-time work when both kids were in school and started training for a different career which I am now doing full-time.

It was awful 20 years ago but undoubtedly much worse now. I went part time in the end, as by the time I’d paid nursery and parking there wasn’t much left and if I bought a coffee and sandwich I was breaking even.
working part time was a good solution for me - I enjoyed the job and I felt I was doing it for me and much less resentful.

10 years ago I thought 55 / day was extortionate, and I was earning £35k.
Now salaries have stagnated but nursery costs doubled like everything else.

I do feel sorry for anyone having kids today.

Very hard. I took time out as just gone on creche fees for two. Got back few years later temping. Was hard though. I def agree big gaps on cvs hard too and you trying get good wage. My kids older now.

We’re getting to that point now, the secondary age boy comes home after school and Im here working. They’re pretty good but can get a little wild at times 🤣 so I tend to have the 10YO still picked up twice a week and they go to the childminder once a week in holidays. Just means I have a day where I’m not worrying about what they’re getting up to and can concentrate but looking forward to having no fees soon! Even though the childminder has been amazing and we’ll miss her

This is why people say you should only have children if you can afford them. It’s like this for everyone until they go to school. Then there are different challenges with school pick ups and after school clubs etc. It sounds to me like you are looking for an excuse to give up work. Yes it’s hard but it’s hard for so many people. Stick it out until the kids are at school and see how the land lies.

This is why people say you should only have children if you can afford them.

Oh do get in the bin.

Shall I suck them both back up because nursery fees have increased almost 50% in less than 3 years?

This exactly is what I did. I went 3 days. I also didn't earn any money for 3 years but we just about broke even, but I kept my career going and pensions etc and spent lovely time with kids and then when they started school I upped my hours and walked straight into a promotion. That wouldn't have happened if I'd given up work.

@Sofiewoo no, I think you should stop complaining and ride it out until they are at school. Think I said that already didn’t I.

Could you both request condensed hours? One of you do 2.5 days over 2 days a week (8-6.30) and the higher earner do 3.5 days (8-6) over 3 days a week. You then move all the childcare in house. You both get quality time with your children alone so you both have a good understanding of the children and keeping the house going. Although you are both doing long days, there is no nursery run so the working person just needs to get themselves up and off to work, the person off with the children aims to have food ready for you, if anyone is sick, unless really ill no one needs to take time off.

It is also likely to put you in a better financial position than you are now, unless dh is on a really high salary, because you will both be dropping the proportion you lose in tax/NI/student loan repayment. Especially if dh is a higher rate tax payer, you might also find you are eligible for child benefit if not already eligible because that is based on individual income rather than household income. You will find childcare around school time is challenging in a different way so maybe plan to keep it like that until youngest starts school and then reassess?

It is worth doing some calculations and seeing what you find:

So say if on 45k your monthly take home is about £2800, on 2.5 days it would be about £1600. Say dh is on £80k (sexist I know to assume he is on so much more but sadly gender pay gap is a thing), his take home currently is roughly £4300. On 3.5 days it would be £56k per year, take home 3,300. Plus child benefit £187 pcm. Monthly take home would be just over £5000pcm. That is about £700 pcm more than you have now, you both have four/five days with the children a week. You can both accelerate your careers again at some point in the future.