45k salary entirely eaten by childcare

[Sofiewoo]

Granted salaries aren’t what they were only a handful of years ago but aibu to be shocked that my 45k salary is now entirely eaten by childcare and getting to work??
I figured if you are earning in the 20s you would assume that but not mid 40s!

I’m trying to weigh up whether to just take the next year and a half off instead of working for nothing. I know, pension, career blah blah but it’s mentally very difficult to juggle drop offs, work schedules and sickness but be no better off financially at the end of the month.

Did anyone else not realise it was a bad as this?

I don't subscribe to the idea of either parent giving up work to save on childcare. But this is purely about the financial impact of childcare on families, and it makes no difference whose salary it comes out of, the family is still 45k down.

Doesn’t anyone’s happiness enter into the equation? Sorry but seems utterly mental to me to bash away at a job kids in sub optimal situation mum unhappy and frazzled - for no money?! For a few years of a pension? Makes zero sense.

Why are there so many unpleasant posts on this thread? Yea, op “signed up for it” but do we not think that there is an issue that subsidised hours (well, “free) are simply not. And that, is not a good policy for equality, or indeed tax revenues if women are pushed from the workplace by spiralling costs.
surely, with declining birth rate, a gender pay gap, and increasing poverty stats for one parent families we need to properly subsidise childcare so that parents can stay in work (if they chose) and continue to contribute in terms of tax.

I would definitely look at reducing both you & DH down to 4 days a week. It makes a huge difference to your work/life balance having that 1 day off and the DC would then only need to be in nursery 3 days a week which would surely benefit them too. One massive bonus I hadn't really anticipated (& am now so thankful for) is shared care of both children and the household becomes the norm so you aren't the default maid/babysitter/cook/life admin person. I have so many friends who work full time yet still seem to do 90% of the household chores and childcare. Depressing.

Is your eldest starting school this september? If so then I'd wait until then to make the change to nursery for youngest but if not until next year, 17 months is a long time to wait and stick with the current set up. I'd take some extended unpaid/parental leave over the summer, enjoy a bit of time with the DC whilst slowly introducing them to a new setting. It is bound to be easier this time as they are at least used to a nursery setting and if you are around at home.

Honestly life's too short to remain a slave to work, barely see your kids and not even see any financial benefits.

I do look at it as a joint household cost, which is why I can see that my salary is cancelled out by childcare in our joint expenses.

I don’t know, I worked and worked and worked through childcare, payed the bills, managed the logistics etc, but ultimately it was horrendous for years and I eventually had a total burnout and had to quit my well paid job. So I feel like I missed so much of their childhood, and it was for nothing. I’m in a part time job now, much less money but I’m much happier and less suicidal.
i completely understand where you are coming from OP.
I would say life is short.

If I were you I'd either take time off (or suck it up) till the eldest goes to school, then move the younger one to a nursery that does part time and work part time till the younger one goes to school.
Really, really don't give up your job - you will be glad when they are older and you are near to retirement (I was slightly older than you when my two were born - so they are still in school and I'm very happy my pension has been building up).
When they reach school age usually childcare is a bit cheaper. If you are part time for some of the years when you only have one in school, and if you can manage not to use breakfast club, after school club for one will be a breath of fresh air.
Holiday clubs are essential, however, if you are working in a non-school-based job - I would go so far as to say pick a school by its holiday clubs.

15 years ago we used to pay 1800 euro in one of the cheapest crèches in our locality so I’d well believe it but try try try and hang on in there, once they go to preschool it starts shrinking

Fees went up hugely due to the energy crisis, then they went up loads due to the proposed additional hours, then it went up a further 20% this year due to the NI increase and things

This is why it genuinely confuses me that many still claim to be "covering losses" - especially in light of things like this: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c1wj5v711zzo

Somehow it doesn't seem to stack up and I'd love to know what's really going on here

Or, because we recognise that all families are different, it could be that it makes no financial sense for a higher earning partner to reduce their hours and income. Or for a self employed partner to turn down work. It’s not that the man’s job is more important, it’s that, as a family, this could make them financially worse off in the immediate here and now, in the middle of a cost of living crisis with ever increasing outgoings. What exactly is the point of that except to shoot yourself in the foot, and potentially give your kids a worse quality of life, for the sake of feminism?

Nothing is changing because successive governments don’t see early years as a priority for funding, despite wanting to cut the welfare bill and get people back into work.

I had nothing left after childcare for 3 years. Did it for the (excellent) pension contributions. Then focused on my career when children went to school. I still had childcare costs but as each child went to school it felt like a pay rise! Hang in there if you value your job/career.

Yeah it's tough..I hated being so poor when kids were at nursery (thankfully they're at school for last year now).

I would advise maybe not going for all or nothing approach. I'd push for going part time at work....you'd then half the childcare bill and have a better work and life balance. Then once at school you have option to increase hours back up?

It’s obvious from the data on falling birth rates that it’s only getting harder for parents - yes it’s always been hard, but the fact so many women are choosing not to pay the motherhood penalty is clear evidence.

@Sofiewoo We had this too. Answer was to drop half a day each, work compressed hours so 4.5 in 4, and put them in childcare for the remaining 3 days. Dropped the childcare bill from about £30k to about £18k whilst only reducing pay by 10% and that was from the highest taxed bit. Plus we both got to spend time with the kids. It's worth moving nursery for £1000 a month (I was shocked it was this much).

It's definitely a rubbish situation, to have your entire salary taken up by childcare costs. We are fortunate in that our child is only in nursery 3 days a week so we feel the most benefit of the funded hours.
I have had a pay rise since having my child though but I do remember initially pre funded hours working out exactly how much I would have left after childcare costs to see if it was 'worth' it (and we do the same as you, entirely joint accounts/spending etc). It was a few thousand over the year better off so we stuck with it but the nursery days are so rushed and stressed that if it was 5 days a week and I took no extra money home, I really would be considering taking a break from work because its just draining and it can impact your life and relationships.
I think if you think you can find a way to make it work in the short term, and be able to get back into work relatively easily it might be worth it, but only you know your exact circumstances and options available to you.
Also moving nurseries is not easy, wait lists, the disruption for the kids etc, its not a quick fix option so I wouldn't choose that unless it was essential.
Hopefully you can find a balance that will work for you all as a family!

Thanks for this. I really appreciate it. I think lack of confidence and a sense of hopelessness is really impacting me. My mind feels foggy and slow. I'll look into training. I did look at doing my masters but my H was negative about it. He doesn't see the point. He thinks the cost outweighs the benefits because of our ages.

Very very easily. A full time childcare bill is £1100 a month. £900 with funded hours and tax free childcare. 2 kids is £1800. Commuting costs are easily £500. A 45k salary after tax, NI, pension and student loan is about £2550.

The eldest will be in school soon- keep that job! DP said - don’t think of it as your salary being taken up, think of childcare as OUR expense… and keep the job, the pension, the job security… and that’s true.
I went to 4 days which saved some ££ and gave me time with kids but it DID still hit my career.
Once one then both are in school it’ll feel much better

I'd definitely look into alternative childcare provisions.

I agree it sounds crazy that you're paying more for your first child now WITH 30 "free" hours, than you were before they got them.

I know a friend of mine used to say that they were only £50 a month better off by her working than not, when her children were little, but she kept doing it because she was in teaching and had a job in a school she loved, that was convenient for the future. She wanted the guarantee that she could stay there.

At least for her she didn't need to worry about holiday cover so much!

Honestly, I'm not sure if 1-2 years out of pension contributions would do much damage in the long run.... by the time we retire, the retirement age will have most definately been raised, I won't be surprised if it is ca. 75 year mark. Many of us will be dead by that time. Our husbands more likely than us. So we will inherit their pension + the house. Killing ourselves right now when our children are so young doesn't not make much sense then. And why we all have to be like men? If staying with you young babies makes you happy, do it. 50:50 is an ideal that rarely happens and to do it just to prove the world that everything must be equal, is insane if it doesn't work for you as a family.

I don’t get why Employers think you would not take mat leave? Because you already have children?

I agree with your point about pensions but wanting to work outside the home does not make a woman “like men”.

Men don’t own the world of paid work.

I also think parents are far more worried about being financially responsible for their child’s future now than in the past.

My parents had four children. Providing house deposits, paying for university education… just hadn’t crossed their minds. None of the kids had any savings accounts or anything. Middle class family. One professional income.

Now… most parents I know are spending £100k+ on nursery fees before school. They’re aware uni will cost them another £60-100k if they want to avoid loans (and saddling kids with a 40 year extra tax rate). Buying a house without help on a deposit is very difficult. Building a savings pot for your child is seen as important.

I’m as worried about the future costs as the immediate nursery costs (and noting I’m currently spending over £4k a month on nursery).

Somewhere in here is the story about declining social mobility.

Oh god how is it even worth the bother? I would definitely quit and enjoy my time with my children, but then I live a very simple life, and earn nowhere near as much as that.

I basically worked for nothing in the early years, this was mid 2000s. It's always been this way unfortunately. But it was worth me doing it in the long run. Teenagers now, no childcare costs and back to full time in a semi decent career.