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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel miffed with my neighbours request?

968 replies

Aliceglass · 07/04/2025 18:52

I don’t know if I’m being sensitive or unreasonable here. My next door neighbour approached me at the weekend to give me dates of their summer garden parties.

For context, We live in a terrace of modern houses and we all have similar sized gardens, enclosed by neighbouring gardens, back and side.

So my neighbour told me about her planned garden parties over the next few months and there were 3 dates confirmed, 2 tbc.

But, she has specifically asked us that we don’t use our garden during the days of these parties.

I was a little take aback and said that we don’t have any scheduled bbqs or parties on those dates so they will be fine. But she said they didn’t want us to use our garden, AT ALL!
Apparently it will spoil the atmosphere if I was to “pop to the bins and empty my recycling” or if they could hear the washing machine on a spin if I left the back door open!

I did laugh at this stage and say well I can’t promise to not access my garden for the whole day.

She went on to say how her friends are “well to do” and they would expect privacy and not to be interrupted by unnecessary noise.

I got a little frustrated at this point and I asked if she was just letting me know or if the neighbours the other side were also being asked this. She assured me that, yes they were and they confirmed they won’t be using their garden or the gate to their garden at the back so as to not disturb her.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this request is unusually controlling?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Ilovecleaning · 12/04/2025 20:27

Completely ignore her. She is nuts.

Jenkibubble · 12/04/2025 20:31

Aliceglass · 07/04/2025 18:52

I don’t know if I’m being sensitive or unreasonable here. My next door neighbour approached me at the weekend to give me dates of their summer garden parties.

For context, We live in a terrace of modern houses and we all have similar sized gardens, enclosed by neighbouring gardens, back and side.

So my neighbour told me about her planned garden parties over the next few months and there were 3 dates confirmed, 2 tbc.

But, she has specifically asked us that we don’t use our garden during the days of these parties.

I was a little take aback and said that we don’t have any scheduled bbqs or parties on those dates so they will be fine. But she said they didn’t want us to use our garden, AT ALL!
Apparently it will spoil the atmosphere if I was to “pop to the bins and empty my recycling” or if they could hear the washing machine on a spin if I left the back door open!

I did laugh at this stage and say well I can’t promise to not access my garden for the whole day.

She went on to say how her friends are “well to do” and they would expect privacy and not to be interrupted by unnecessary noise.

I got a little frustrated at this point and I asked if she was just letting me know or if the neighbours the other side were also being asked this. She assured me that, yes they were and they confirmed they won’t be using their garden or the gate to their garden at the back so as to not disturb her.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this request is unusually controlling?

Is her name hyacinth bouquet ?

Your garden - do as you please , when you please !

Yes , I’d be inclined to be especially loud / common / annoying on those dates

RachelBerry03 · 12/04/2025 20:34

Your neighbour is bonkers. Ignore her and do as you please in your garden..

sl0th · 12/04/2025 20:36

What a shame those dates will clash with the days you need to get on with those noisy garden jobs like mowing the lawn and trimming any hedges, etc!

What an absolute CF she is 😆

Baggyprincess · 12/04/2025 20:37

Please tell us the date of the first party! Looking forward to your updates!!

Hogglehedge · 12/04/2025 21:17

She sounds just like our vile CF awful neighbour. Tell her to FO. Loving all the suggestions definitely time for some music playing and bush trimming with the loudest strimmers possible wearing a tshirt saying " my bush needs a trim " you can find them on amazon ;)

ScruffMuffin · 12/04/2025 21:35

@Hogglehedge that's comedy gold!

RandomWordsThrownTogether · 13/04/2025 00:29

Invite all the neighbours in for an “attractive rats” party - where you all dress as rats and congregate on your decking!

Labelledelune · 13/04/2025 10:45

I would be having the greatest party of my life.

Labelledelune · 13/04/2025 10:49

Grottiest pyjamas, fag hanging ( or a spliff for effect) out of mouth, curlers in hair shouting ‘these fecking bins’ 😂😂😂

fragrancefriend · 02/05/2025 11:12

So the first garden party is tomorrow is it?

ScruffMuffin · 02/05/2025 17:29

Shall we all come round, bearing bin bags, scruffy old pyjamas and cans of cheap cider?

WearyAuldWumman · 02/05/2025 18:47

ScruffMuffin · 02/05/2025 17:29

Shall we all come round, bearing bin bags, scruffy old pyjamas and cans of cheap cider?

Road trip!

Glittertwins · 02/05/2025 18:54

WearyAuldWumman · 02/05/2025 18:47

Road trip!

Sounds like a great plan!

BernardButlersBra · 03/05/2025 16:52

@Aliceglass what's distressing about seeing a cherry tree?!

iwannaknow · 03/05/2025 17:02

Ooh I'd forgotten this thread! Come back OP and tell us what went on.

My irritating neighbours who are similar in their batshittery and having ideas above their station around their sophisticated garden soirées (though not quite as CF as OPs!) have been foiled today by the neighbour behind us who has chosen today to get on with his hedge trimming, strimming and grass cutting. I've also heard periodic grousing from him about 'those fecking squirrels' needing to 'bugger orf!'.

Delightful, crack on Bob! Hahahah!

Maddy70 · 03/05/2025 17:14

Cheeky fucker ... Say you will ge using your garden as you wish

IButtleSir · 03/05/2025 17:28

We definitely need an update after the first party!

BeaAndBen · 03/05/2025 17:39

How did it all go, @Aliceglass ?

Death metal? Hair in curlers, fag in mouth, full Hilda Ogden? Tai chi class on the lawn? 15 recently purchased wind chimes around your garden?

honeylulu · 03/05/2025 18:25

OP! Have just seen today is Worldwide Naked Gardening Day! If the guests are still there, get out in the garden in your glory. Plenty of bending and stretching as you trim your borders 😂

Aliceglass · 04/05/2025 10:35

iwannaknow · 03/05/2025 17:02

Ooh I'd forgotten this thread! Come back OP and tell us what went on.

My irritating neighbours who are similar in their batshittery and having ideas above their station around their sophisticated garden soirées (though not quite as CF as OPs!) have been foiled today by the neighbour behind us who has chosen today to get on with his hedge trimming, strimming and grass cutting. I've also heard periodic grousing from him about 'those fecking squirrels' needing to 'bugger orf!'.

Delightful, crack on Bob! Hahahah!

Haha this is excellent! Go squirrels!

Sorry I didn’t update yesterday.

I hadn’t seen the neighbour to speak to since posting. Yesterday morning, I boldly ventured in to my garden. I know, how dare I! What a rebellious act, seeing as it was off limits!
I made sure I took my lawn mower with me too.

DH waved me on from the kitchen and started playing the Bridgerton playlist on Spotify loudly, in an attempt to drown out the sound of the lawn mower, to ensure elegant ambience was achieved from our side.

Anyway she came out in her garden and I shamelessly mowed my whole garden while her eyes burned deep in the back of my skull. I thought “I’m for it here!”

Once finished, she shouted “Coo-ee” in that faux posh voice of hers. Anyway the “soirée” has had to be postponed because one of her guests had been in hospital. She said she is trying to reschedule the next one for the 17th May but she is waiting on rsvps.

I responded back saying I had totally forgot about her party today! Her face was a picture.

I then responded “Great! The kids have a party booked in for the 17th (we haven’t). You are welcome to have your soirée at the same time as the kids are having their party!”

She looked taken aback. I made my excuses and returned to DH’s Bridgerton rave. I suspect the Soirée will be moved…

OP posts:
Llttledrummergirl · 04/05/2025 10:41

You now need an impromptu gathering of dc friends on 17th.

WheresYourSnickers · 04/05/2025 10:41

Note sure whether to ❤️ or 😄 your update.... well played @Aliceglass, well played!!

StrangerThings1 · 04/05/2025 10:44

Aliceglass · 04/05/2025 10:35

Haha this is excellent! Go squirrels!

Sorry I didn’t update yesterday.

I hadn’t seen the neighbour to speak to since posting. Yesterday morning, I boldly ventured in to my garden. I know, how dare I! What a rebellious act, seeing as it was off limits!
I made sure I took my lawn mower with me too.

DH waved me on from the kitchen and started playing the Bridgerton playlist on Spotify loudly, in an attempt to drown out the sound of the lawn mower, to ensure elegant ambience was achieved from our side.

Anyway she came out in her garden and I shamelessly mowed my whole garden while her eyes burned deep in the back of my skull. I thought “I’m for it here!”

Once finished, she shouted “Coo-ee” in that faux posh voice of hers. Anyway the “soirée” has had to be postponed because one of her guests had been in hospital. She said she is trying to reschedule the next one for the 17th May but she is waiting on rsvps.

I responded back saying I had totally forgot about her party today! Her face was a picture.

I then responded “Great! The kids have a party booked in for the 17th (we haven’t). You are welcome to have your soirée at the same time as the kids are having their party!”

She looked taken aback. I made my excuses and returned to DH’s Bridgerton rave. I suspect the Soirée will be moved…

Now you have to have a party on the 17th, the kids will be thrilled

ScruffMuffin · 04/05/2025 11:02

Everyone send their kids round to Alice's on the 17th! With party blowers and kazoos. Alice, do you think you could hire a bouncy castle for this momentous event?

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