To feel miffed with my neighbours request?

[Aliceglass]

I don’t know if I’m being sensitive or unreasonable here. My next door neighbour approached me at the weekend to give me dates of their summer garden parties.

For context, We live in a terrace of modern houses and we all have similar sized gardens, enclosed by neighbouring gardens, back and side.

So my neighbour told me about her planned garden parties over the next few months and there were 3 dates confirmed, 2 tbc.

But, she has specifically asked us that we don’t use our garden during the days of these parties.

I was a little take aback and said that we don’t have any scheduled bbqs or parties on those dates so they will be fine. But she said they didn’t want us to use our garden, AT ALL!
Apparently it will spoil the atmosphere if I was to “pop to the bins and empty my recycling” or if they could hear the washing machine on a spin if I left the back door open!

I did laugh at this stage and say well I can’t promise to not access my garden for the whole day.

She went on to say how her friends are “well to do” and they would expect privacy and not to be interrupted by unnecessary noise.

I got a little frustrated at this point and I asked if she was just letting me know or if the neighbours the other side were also being asked this. She assured me that, yes they were and they confirmed they won’t be using their garden or the gate to their garden at the back so as to not disturb her.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this request is unusually controlling?

Good grief. What a CF! She has no right to tell you not to use your garden at all!

You need every other neighbour in your back garden with a barbie and A LOT of alcohol.

Your other option is to learn some really good rain dances, @Aliceglass, and perform them before each soirée.

“Shame about the rain, Hyacinth - good for the gardens, though!”

She lives in a mid terrace, on the edge of a council estate (our gardens don’t touch the council houses but spitting distance) I don’t know how she survives here!? Unless I’ve got it wrong of course and she’s referred to her street as “mews living” to her well to do friends!
🤣🤣🤣
Where do you stable your horse?

This is good news! You can now have a huge party, loud music, lots of kids and barking dogs each and every time she has one.

The nerve ...

A business proposition for you OP. Doggy daycare on those dates batshit neighbour has vetoed. Happy to drop off my yappy tribe as well as all my neighbours noisy dogs for the day!

If you haven't got one, time to rent a Lazy Spa and have a pool party! we have one every summer and they are LOUD and RAUCOUS! Add in a BBQ and some 90's rave tunes and your banging!! 😆

AC/DC Back in Black - play this as loud as possible on repeat. It’s too good for them but hey, you can’t help that you have great taste in music.

Id be draping a ton of classy Temu crotchless knickers over the balcony on those particular days 🤣

This is the exact scenario Alexa’s “Extreme Farts Extension Pack” was made for.

Your house, your garden, your right to use, therefore your right to tell her to GTF !!

Just give her a big smile and tell her when she starts paying your mortgage she can tell you what you can and can't do in your garden. She's a cheeky bitch! And I'm sorry but on those days I'd be in my garden from morning til night! Eating out there, maybe set up a tent and sleep out there...🤣

Cheeky fucker. Not a hope I would agree to that. Like a previous poster, I would be sorely tempted go out in my track suit with a fag and a can of cider and gave a loud sweaty phone call about the rat problem or something similar. A nice neighbour would invite you to their snooty party.

I'm not often speechless but fuck me your neighbour has the hide of a Rhino to demand you aren't use your own garden because of her 'well to do friends'! 😲😲 what a cheeky fucker!

I would have laughed in her face and said absolutely not I'll usr my garden when I want.

@Aliceglass Please throw a loud party on the dates of her garden parties, Hyacinth Bucket needs to be reminded she cannot dictate to her neighbours especially in their own homes and the more people pander the worse she will get she needs to be told NO and that she's a cheeky fucker. If it was me I'd invite every man and his dogs round just to make a point 🤣🤣

Get booking a bouncy castle now… even better if it’s one of the ones with a disco ball and built in sound system.

kidz bop!

Sort it out permanently - get together with the other neighbour and have a BBQ and drinks together in the garden. Ideally, the front garden

Or go a completely different direction. Approach your neighbour because you need to discuss a delicate matter ….that theres rumours of her throwing a swingers sex party, spreading around the neighbourhood.

Go to lengths to explain that you're not judgmental and you understand why she needs complete privacy and why she doesn’t want you to use your garden, how thoughtful of her. But you just thought that she should know.

Then walk away with a smile on your face.

Absolute legend of an idea!!! 🤣 Do this before all the other suggestions!!

This kind of ridiculous unreasonable request always has the effect of making me curious as to whether the person would think it reasonable if I was the one asking. So I would be unable to help telling them that you have decided its a great idea and that you're sure they won't mind staying out of their garden this weekend as you are having a get together and felt a little awkward about asking for privacy from them , but now feel confident that they will happily accommodate you. Then at the weekend I would spend the day watching to see if they do indeed stay out of their garden .

My bet is they won't and will even have the cheek to say they noticed you had no get together which you can simply say it was cancelled last moment . Then when it comes to their dates you can happily ignore their request and should because if you give in to it they'll think they can ask for other unreasonable things and get petty if you don't acquiesce as they'll feel you should as you'll be legitimising their demand by taking it seriously . Nip it in the bud as its cheeky and ridiculous xx

Oh this is so much better than my idea. Love it . Please do this its brilliant haha xx

Unless you ended the conversation with FO, I don't think I can take this seriously 🤣

You want perspective? I think it's bizarre that you even think this is normal behaviour.

I'm as accommodating to my neighbours as I can be, but if one came around and asked me not to use my garden because they were having a party, I'd tell them to go get fucked.

You are as bizarre as your neighbour for even questioning whether you are justified to feel miffed.

Your neighbour's behaviour isn't normal, and your response isn't either.

Fill some black bags with random stuff and scatter them round the garden, put a sofa in the garden and cover it with an ugly blanket, Scatter a few cheap beer cans around the place and lie on sofa in your PJs with some friends scattered around too - every once in a while pass each other small little baggies of sherbert!

Other ideas would be to invite around a local art group to use the space for life drawing or trash sculptures.

Or have you thought about starting your own amateur theatre group - hold auditions in the back garden that day, maybe do The Vagina Monologues.

Bookclub where you take turns to read aloud stuff - choose something trashy with a decent amount of filth for good measure.

How do you feel about the Beat poets? Big fan right? How about inviting all the other neighbours round to perform his poetry, maybe get some loud speakers to play recordings of his raunchiest stuff (love him but my God is he filthy).

I stayed in a house for a weekend once where the neighbours got up every morning and danced around singing songs in worship to the sun. Haven’t you recently found religion? Failing that invite in the Hare Krishnas for a sesh!

Any friends need a space to host their toddlers birthday party?

Love this!!!

I think maybe if you Google ‘80’s sitcom canned laughter’ you could play it on loop?