To feel sad what my 10 year old said to me

[iCantStopppEatinggg]

I don’t have anyone in rl to talk to about it. DH has dismissed my feelings and laughed along with my DD. It’s Easter holidays and I’m stuck indoors unable to leave due to what my DD has said to me. I know it sounds dramatic but please bear with me.

on Saturday we went out to cinema then dinner as a family and I wore my usual uniform of leggings and tunic. All evening she kept “roasting” me saying things like “mummy is so fat and ugly that she breaks all the mirrors”. My DH laughed with her. I was upset and asked her to stop. I tried to ignore her as much as I could and when we got home I spoke to her and was truthful in how she hurt my feelings. I ordered new clothes for quick delivery and they arrived this morning. I felt quite nice and I tried them on. I haven’t purchased new clothes for around 5 years since youngest was born as I put on lots of weight and have stayed in my leggings and stuff. She laughed at me when she saw me and called me fat again. My youngest came up to me and cuddled me. Her father this time tried to talk to her about hurting my feelings and she told him she’s not going to lie when I am fat and I look worse as the clothes are bigger so make me look fatter (I got wide leg trousers). I feel so low I don’t feel like leaving the house. Shall I just wear my usual clothes and return these? She didn’t seem to call me fat so much before we went out but I felt really awful on Saturday when I saw all the other women wearing lovely clothes and I had leggings and tunic on. I tried to buy all the clothes I thought would make me look better and truthfully I feel I do look nicer than I usually do. I feel so low can anyone talk some sense into me. Before people say she’s 10, it does t matter the age as her words really hurt me and she said everything I was already thinking that I’ll never be Preety and will always look fat and ugly as she told me.

How will op losing weight help the issue of her daughter being a bully? If she calls kids at school fat and ugly the teachers aren't going to tell the victim they need to change, they'll come down hard on her and so will older kids.

You say you think she's becoming a mean girl, so this is new behaviour for her? If so, I would be finding out how exactly these 'roasts' in school are going and what exactly is being said to her. If this meanness is new behaviour I would be inclined to think she may be getting her own feelings hurt in school and so is coming home and being hurtful to .you Like children whos parents are abusive go in to school and bully other children.

I would be checking her phone as well. You're husband needs a reality check, laughing like a bloody child himself! * *

Your daughter is a bully, plain and simple. She is saying this to her mother, to your face, with an audience?! It is vile and not normal and she should have been immediately faced with consequences. Just her, not the family, not your youngest - just HER. And some serious work around not being unkind.

It sounds like you deserve to give yourself a boost and a refresh regardless but honestly the bigger issue here is raising a little girl who is nasty. I can’t believe you or your DH were not immediately horrified - does she have form for this/has it happened slowly?

Really sounds like she trying to impress your husband and she did by making him laugh. He sounds like a prick and turning your DD into one. Consequences needed - like serious ones that will give her time to reflect. Would you have ever spoken to your mum like this? You need to act now. I wonder is she bullying anyone in school? But sounds like you DH is to blame, and (sorry) maybe you also for tolerating such shitty behaviour.

That's appalling behaviour. I'm even more shocked at your husband laughing with her though. This absolutely needs to be stamped out and severe consequences given.

You need to find your anger. How DARE she speak to you like that! And your dh should have come down just as hard on her! She is 10, there is absolutely no way she should be speaking to anyone like that, she needs telling off plain and simple and devices or whatever she enjoys removed as a punishment.

@iCantStopppEatinggg

That is really unkind of her - first off she was rude about you in public & then when you ordered new clothes she was horrible about that too.

If she speaks to you like that then there’s a chance she is unkind to others too. Secondary school will be a shock for her. Please stand up to her otherwise you are going to have a nightmare the next few years with friendship problems.

if you loved your clothes keep them ! The problem is her atitude . She was not only disrespectful but acted as a bully . Honestly at that age you and your husband should have punished her straight away . Followed by some sort of live lesson regarding bullying ,maybe she needs to see the outcome of bullying ( depression , suicide , eating disorders ) other way that will escalate and get worse . I hate shocked me the most is her lack of respect for you . You really need to regain control or she will walk all over you . I know that age is tricky , I have a 9 year old but she wouldn’t say anything like that

My abusive ex started doing this when my oldest was 12. She started saying things just like this - it escalated to criticisms about my body, my hair, my clothes, my personality. Apparently it was 'jokes' - DH laughed along and did it too. Not that its relevant but Im not overweight. Im not with him now and she is 24 and quite a nasty person. Dont be me. Nip this fully in the bud now, if he doesnt have your back then leave. He should be absolutely going nuts about this. Its your home, you are the mum and should be treated with absolute respect. There is nothing funny about this.

You are raising the class bully OP. You need to stamp this out sharpish!! There is absolutely no way I would tolerate this.
she would lose all privileges.

Take the younger child out and leave her (at home with your husband) to clean the toilet or something. She needs to be taken down a peg or two.

I agree with this. You need to lose your hurt and find your anger. How dare she talk to anyone like this but especially how dare she talk to her mother like this? Your husband also needs to be told he is rearing a child not laughing along with a fellow bully so grow up and correct his child when she is mean and nasty.

I'd have gone through her if she spoke to me like that. She would have felt the full force of my anger. Afterwards I'd have sat with her and had the chat about not bullying/not saying hurtful things but she actually needs to feel your anger first.

And my dh would be treated the same if he laughed along with her.

This is how bullies are made.

Calling something "roasting" doesn't change what it is.

Well the best lesson comes from being at the end of the receiving stick in my view. How about roasting her right back, Utterly cruel yes, but that is how she behaved towards you - it will be a lesson she will never forget and tell her she is smelly and ugly, as well as spotty.

Oh its totally nasty but a certain miss needs to learn that you shouldn't give it if you cant take it, before she ends up getting a hiding in secondary school or the way things are today, stabbed.And when she complains tell her your only having a laugh, oh she is hurt hahaha, too funny

And as for limp dick in the corner,well he would be under no illusions that next time he thinks something is funny the size of his knob and comments about his unwashed dick will be posted about all over social media on a nice roasting of his own making. and as for sex well lets see him beg when 6 months go by without any.

Yep I know a lot of you wont be happy with my post but how the hell else do we teach kids to behave themselves and mind their manners. They fear nothing and no one these days, my kids would have felt a slap for that, all grown up now and never behaved like that thankfully. I would be so ashamed of a 10 year old speaking to any adult like that, we need to take back control and fast before we are all in fear of the children we gave birth to.

start off with refusing to play the role of her victim.
she was rude to you so you responded by rushing out to buy new clothes and when that didn’t work, getting upset and hiding in the house.

So, the first place to start is by holding your head up and liking yourself regardless of what your ten year old’s opinion is (from my experience a lot of little girls turn very verbally unkind at this age)

Then, you come down very firmly on her when she starts, “that’s very rude, if you don’t stop we will need to go home” and make sure you follow through on consequences for rudeness.

personally I would have taken your younger dd out for a treat day and explained that she can have her turn once she’s found a way to make amends.

Also op. I mean this kindly. Your the adult here get a grip. Why are you moping and hiding away and letting a 10yo child have this effect on you.

This is awful. Your DH should have immediately called her out for her behaviour. I echo what others have said - she’s learnt this from somewhere. Does she have unsupervised internet access? She is old enough to know her comments are rude and mean. I’m sorry she’s made you feel sad op.

OP, you need to grow up. Be a parent to your child and partner to your husband. Both who need a telling off.

You tell your DD to never speak to anyone, like that again. You spell out the consequences if she does it again, to anyone. Consequences in terms of punishment and what people will think of her.

You tell your husband that he let the side down, both as a husband and a parent and he will be addressing the issue along with you, with your Dd. Explain that it may have been nervous laughter or whatever, but it’s not acceptable and you don’t want this behaviour encouraged. You expect his complete backing over this issue.

End of. Get on with it, get over it and woman up.

I may be a voice in the wilderness here but I’m shocked at some of the vicious responses on this thread. The child has been called a cunt, a shit, a bullying bitch..
She is 10. There is a deficit here - this did not happen in a vacuum.
Yes - she needs correction but her parents must find out what she is doing online, who she is engaging with and absorb her and her younger sibling back into daily family life.

I agree with this.

I have been following this thread and I am not going to say "oh poor child" BUT If she has learned this by being on the receiving end at school and thinking about the "hurt people hurt others" thing, then I don't think the "be done by as you did" suggestion is right. Yes a proper lesson and anger not hurt. Yes removal of internet access, not primarily as a punishment but to protect, and look into what she is seeing online. Yes raise with school. But I'd be reserving my hammer of wrath for idiot father who laughed and thereby encouraged her. Is he usually like this?

The issue is not your weight, the issue is your 10 year old is a mean girl before she’s even a teenager.
Tbh I wouldn’t know how to handle it. A child in my neighbour is very obviously a mean girl and has been since she was v v young as in close to toddler.
The one thing I will say that I’ve noted is that she he less boundaries than other kids, her parents don’t seem concerned that she hangs out with older kids and behaves like a tween when she’s younger.
Your DH should not have laughed (I’d kill him) and you should have not so obviously reacted. You let the bully in her see she’d gotten to you.

Maybe in kid friendly language Tell her you sacrificed your body and yourself to bring her into the world , like many women do ( don’t worry OP you can get back in shape but that’s besides the point. Also being big isn’t unattractive , think Adele, Beth Ditto and many other + size beautiful , charismatic ladies. My friends kids thought Jessie was the best most beautiful one in little mix ( Jessie was the one who left the band because she was self conscious next to her slimmer band mates, but she’s lovely. Just goes to show that younger kids who haven’t been influenced by weird modern beauty standards yet, could see her beauty in a way she couldn’t see herself).
Tell dd beauty is skin deep and people who think and say ugly things become ugly in the eyes of others and eventually in their own eyes. So she needs to practise kindness , otherwise she becomes ugly.

You rub your mouth like a grown woman you learn to take consequences like one. If I said that to another woman I’d 100% expect to be called those names and worse! I’d be lucky if I didn’t get a crack.
yes she is only a child. But in that moment she took on a grown up. Then repeated this.
I agree with you the parents need to be more actively involved and find out the root cause etc. but she was a shit.

She sounds like a rude little madam who needs a stern talking to and some consequences. I could expect a 3/4 year old saying something like this but any older is totally unacceptable. Make it clear to her she will be very disliked if she starts name calling people.

My 3 year old went through a stage of calling me fat and laughing (I’m slim). I made it very clear he was not to call people that word or comment on their weight. He soon stopped saying it.

So sorry you went through that OP, words do stick and hurt. I would also be having a very stern talking to your OH. He should not be laughing along and egging her on