To feel sad what my 10 year old said to me

[iCantStopppEatinggg]

I don’t have anyone in rl to talk to about it. DH has dismissed my feelings and laughed along with my DD. It’s Easter holidays and I’m stuck indoors unable to leave due to what my DD has said to me. I know it sounds dramatic but please bear with me.

on Saturday we went out to cinema then dinner as a family and I wore my usual uniform of leggings and tunic. All evening she kept “roasting” me saying things like “mummy is so fat and ugly that she breaks all the mirrors”. My DH laughed with her. I was upset and asked her to stop. I tried to ignore her as much as I could and when we got home I spoke to her and was truthful in how she hurt my feelings. I ordered new clothes for quick delivery and they arrived this morning. I felt quite nice and I tried them on. I haven’t purchased new clothes for around 5 years since youngest was born as I put on lots of weight and have stayed in my leggings and stuff. She laughed at me when she saw me and called me fat again. My youngest came up to me and cuddled me. Her father this time tried to talk to her about hurting my feelings and she told him she’s not going to lie when I am fat and I look worse as the clothes are bigger so make me look fatter (I got wide leg trousers). I feel so low I don’t feel like leaving the house. Shall I just wear my usual clothes and return these? She didn’t seem to call me fat so much before we went out but I felt really awful on Saturday when I saw all the other women wearing lovely clothes and I had leggings and tunic on. I tried to buy all the clothes I thought would make me look better and truthfully I feel I do look nicer than I usually do. I feel so low can anyone talk some sense into me. Before people say she’s 10, it does t matter the age as her words really hurt me and she said everything I was already thinking that I’ll never be Preety and will always look fat and ugly as she told me.

And your dh isn’t much better. Laughing as well.

not telling her off and supporting you

how is your relationship usually

I would have come down on her like a ton of bricks for this OP- it is not acceptable behaviour to comment on people's appearance, or cause deliberate pain and embarrassment. My DD is 10 and thid kind of rudeness is not tolerated.

No Easter eggs darling child...you might get fat like mummy!

OK...totally inappropriate obviously but jeez, a 10 year old talking to anyone like that is so not ok. I'd also be concerned as to their self image.

Oh and your husband is a twat.

She’s a little brat and needs dealing with.

who the hell does she think she is speaking to her mother like this? She needs the bollocking of her life and major consequences that make her never step out of line again.

i have a 10 year old. He wouldn’t dare be (or want to be) so unkind to me.

you and DP need to get on the same page otherwise he next 7 years will be hell.

and you should keep your new clothes. Horrid girl, I’m sure you look lovely. Ignore her

That’s really unacceptable behaviour from her OP. If she says that to you, she may well say it to children in her class/school. You are going to have a nasty bully on your hands.

She needs to realise there are serious consequences for that sort of behaviour and you need to mean it. Commenting on people’s appearance like that is absolutely disgusting.

I think tell your eldest that you will not tolerate being spoken to in that way, or for her to treat anyone else that way either. Then go and have a lovely Easter holidays doing lots of fun things with just your youngest, and tell your oldest she isn’t coming as she obviously wouldn’t want to be seen out with her fat and ugly mum.

Keep the clothes. And this has nothing to do with your weight, but remember - self-care is not selfish. It sounds like you’ve put yourself last for a long time and your DD has picked up on that. You may have gained weight but it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve lovely clothes or to get your hair done.

I remember seeing a quote that I can't exactly remember but along the lines of, the jokes that the daughter and father laugh about together soon become the jokes that the same daughters husband and daughter laugh at her for. That really stuck with me.

But she should not speak to anyone like this, you could hard ball her and say "clearly you have fallen in with a mean girl crowd - do I have to move you to a different school or are you going to change your attitude?"

Your daughter should speak to you with more respect but your husband laughing along is even worse.

You come down on her like a ton of bricks, since she clearly has no concept of politeness or sense of empathy. This means an actual telling off - a strong one, while telling her what she has said is completely unacceptable in any situation but especially to her mother. That you won't stand her for her being a nasty, bratty bully and she is grounded for a month. No devices, no clubs, no phone calls with friends, no fun. And you stick to it, even when she's given you a genuine, full and thoughtful apology and you've forgiven her, because that's what a just punishment is.

I would also tell her that you're rethinking who she is allowed to hang out with given that her current friends are clearly a bad influence.

You also need to have it out with your husband because he shouldn't have entertained her comments for a second.

Oh, and if she EVER trash talks you when you are out, snatch her up and take her home immediately.

My DS went through a horrible phase at around 11/12 where he would say mean things. He is absolutely lovely now at 17. This isn't who she is, she is still a work in progress. As long as you take control OP and deal with it immediately.

Put her in some sort of detention?
I cannot imagine my childrrn talking to me like that.
You need to parent her, not let 10y old run around being vile.

what a rude child, and a bully too.

Please don’t send the clothes back. If you feel better in them, that’s your sign. You get to decide what you wear, how you feel, and what confidence looks like. Try them again tomorrow — even just for yourself. Wear them indoors if that’s all you can manage. But wear them with the quiet reminder that you matter.

Your daughter needs to learn about compassion. That starts with someone calmly setting boundaries and showing her how words can wound. And your husband — he should absolutely be taking your side and stepping up. Laughter at your expense is unacceptable.

Her behaviour is absolutely not ok and if she is not understanding that, there needs to be a consequence. I think this ‘roasting’ stuff comes from online rubbish. Kids watch it and then it’s normalised as if it’s an ok way to speak to people. Your DD needs to understand you don’t comment on other people’s bodies and she needs to behave respectfully to her own mother.
I understand why you were hurt and why you bought new clothes- that is all for you to decide if that’s what you want- but you do not need to be responding to a 10 year old’s behaviour and in a way by doing this now, it’s almost validating what she says as being ok. Your self esteem is not dependent on the words of your child, that is for you to cultivate yourself. I get why you feel low about yourself but the main issue is her behaviour and growing up to be a decent human being. Your DH needs to step in and you be a joint force on drawing a firm line on what is unacceptable behaviour. I don’t think the punishment was fair today as your other child was impacted. I’d limit internet use or something that impacts her directly. I suggest all this without any judgment as we are all finding our way with our kids. Best wishes. I hope things get better x

What consequence would YOU give, if she spoke to anyone else like that? Say, if a friend of yours came round and your dd said the same things to her? Whatever you would do, do that; don't value yourself less. And the same with your dh, frankly. Would you take it from any other adult in your life? Is a friend who laughs when you're insulted really a friend? Demand more respect. Maybe just a day or two where you don't make him any dinner or whatever will do the trick.

She will probably learn to be more compassionate as she grows up; in the meantime, make it clear that even if she wants to behave like that, she may not.

I'm sure you look great in your new clothes. Keep on making the effort to do what makes you feel good about yourself. Your dd will grow up, and do better.

Why is she even allowed to speak to you this way. Don’t feel bad op. Infact I would have gone to London with the younger one and left her with her dad since they both think it’s a joke. And I’ll be asking my partner to give me money so I can buy myself an outfit while I’m out there - and since he finds it so funny.

Sounds like your self esteem is pretty low. I’m sorry you have been made to feel this way, but as her mum you need to tell and show her that there are consequences for overstepping the mark. At that age I took my dds iPad, tv channels and she missed out on outings for a week for a public behaviour that was out of order and she learned her lesson. Before she got anything back she had to tell me why her behaviour was wrong.

Get stricter and look after yourself x

I think she’s learned roasting from friends. The yo mama jokes are back - they should have stayed in the 90s.

Consequences. No smart phone to be given to her as she lack maturity to use one and any more access will worsen her behaviour,

I'd probably just take the your youngest out and leave them at home. Just say you don't want to put them through the horror of being seen out with you and don't want to put your self through the horror of being treated that way, when all you do for them is out of love and that's why you don't have time to take care of yourself. When your daughter wants something, tell her you would but the money you have for it is better spent so you don't look as she put it fat and ugly.

You go out in your new clothes to do nice things and she can stay at home in her holidays with a babysitter for being so unbelievably rude and disrespectful!! I’d be furious and your husband needs to back you up 100%. Any more hurtful behaviour and I’d be confiscating something she holds dear. Sorry she made you feel that way - she’s 10; she doesn’t know what looks good and what doesn’t and she’s deliberately pushing your buttons! - why? Is she testing you? Checking youre still there even if she pushes boundaries.. maybe. Keep her close and be her friend but stay firm on the hurtful stuff. X

Your daughter definitely sounds like a mean girl and I think it needs addressing before it escalates and you find out she is bullying at school. If she is openly being hurtful to you and not caring when you tell her how hurt you are she is doing worse when you aren’t there.

Next time she calls you fat, tell her that yes you may be fat but you can diet, she unfortunately has an ugly personality and there is no fixing that! Then each time she calls you fat call her ugly. See how she like it. Then ask her how it feels when someone says something hurtful to her.

I am so sorry you feel this way. I know she is 10 but she sounds fucking horrible, something needs to be done before she turns into an absolutely despicable teenager. Please keep the new clothes I bet they are lovely, take your little one out and ignore the older one. I would come down very hard for that behaviour, most definitely remove any screens as she's obviously hearing it somewhere....also your husband sounds a prick, but that's a separate issue

She shouldn’t have one anyway! She’s ten!

Unfortunately, she's allowed significant use of an iPad

@iCantStopppEatinggg that sounds extremely hurtful. I think you need to take her aside again and tell her exactly how much this has hurt you, in private, one to one. Tell her it’s not ok to comment on other people bodies and why. Regarding the new clothes- don’t take fashion advice from her, she’s 10 so try the new ones on again and see how you feel this time. Do a few new things to pamper yourself. Something new with make up and hair or something? I personally love earrings and feel they can dress up the most casual outfit. Sorry this has happened op, hope you feel better soon.