MIL wants to kiss baby but gets coldsores

[Itsrainingfrogs]

I have an almost 5 month old baby, and we told everyone there would be no kissing the baby when she was born (she was born in peak cold and flu season) which is what the NHS recommends.
MIL started kissing her when she was around 3m old and when we reminded her again that we didn’t want the baby to be kissed she “thought it was ok now she wasn’t a newborn”.
Baby is now 5m and I know it will come up again. AIBU to say that I never want my MIL to kiss the baby due to the fact she gets coldsores?

MIL also puts her fingers in my baby’s mouth, and sprays her with saliva when blowing raspberries which also annoys me so I’m not sure if I’m just being precious/an overprotective first time mum.

Well thats a hard no from me. Just say ‘mil - dd does not need the pain and discomfort caused by the herpes virus. I am sure you would be distressed by her distress so STOP’

You do kiss she and children when you don’t have one though right? Just checking as I do. I don’t never kiss them - just when I have a flare up I don’t kiss?

they are the worse thing ever. Hate them. I got them from my mum by blood though.

All these posters who think it ok to blow spit on a baby, stick their finger in the child’s mouth and kiss the child on the mouth - Do you do this to everyone you meet or just to a baby? Is that because you’d get told to stop by someone able to advocate for themselves?

Yes agree once you get them you can't get rid of them.
.Why are people so selfish.

The cold sores are worrying and she should want to protect her grandchild from getting them.

The fingers in the baby’s mouth is just unnecessary and a little gross. I wouldn’t like anyone doing that to my babies either. That said, my youngest has been teething almost constantly for about half her life now and will put other peoples fingers in her mouth first chance she gets.

I can’t even think of a single child or baby that wasn’t my own that I’ve kissed or let try and chew my knuckle when they have been in that teething eat everything stage.

I don’t get the obsession. Much like you say I also don’t want upto adults and give them a smooch or stick my fingers in their mouths.

Your MIL is a dirty cow, what is she putting her fingers in the baby’s mouth for and why are you letting her. Shame loudly and tell her straight.

Cold sores are contagious when there are symptoms.

WHO advise: Most people with herpes have no symptoms or only mild symptoms. Many people aren't aware they have the infection and can pass along the virus to others without knowing.

Hypothetically, you or your partner may have the herpes virus and are spreading it aswell. It's about being sensible and not having contact when symptomatic.

To be honest, I'm not sure how kissing the top/back of a baby's head is significantly different to else where! Albeit a small amount of hair... maybe.

If she doesn’t have an active cold sore a kiss is fine - if she does no kissing. Basic rules. Fingers weird

The herpes virus can kill babies, albeit that tends to happen in babies only a few weeks old. www.nhs.uk/conditions/neonatal-herpes/

If that is true why would you ever kiss anyone? First date question, "Do you get cold sores (ie carry the Herpes virus)? If they answer yes, the romance is over before it's begun! You may have just lost your soul mate 😕🤔

Well presumably because they don’t know they can pass it on without a coldsore, as you can see on this thread a lot of people are unaware of this. Around 70% of the adult population have the virus so I guess they just carry on kissing and infecting each other.

Maybe she doesn't understand about coldsores so needs educating? Good luck with doing that!

And maybe we all should remember that the same Typhoid Mary MIL has raised the father of the baby in question - and managed not to kill him with her kisses...

Maybe the education is needed for the people on this thread who have no idea of the actual risk of passing cold sores when there is no actual breakouts - which, incidentally are quire visible.

Maybe - re-education needs to review facts - say from NHS: "In the UK, neonatal herpes is rare, with an estimated incidence of 1.65 per 100,000 live births annually." So - the MIL is not a threat. People with colds in proximity of the baby - at home, or a shop, or pretty much in any enclosed place - carry a lot more risk of infection.

Its a yuk from me!

Definitely not unreasonable. Personally I wouldn’t allow anyone to kiss my baby on the cheeks or the lips(!!) at all. The forehead or top of head would be alright.

I always forget that there are people that want to slobber all over babies and kiss their mouths until I see these threads.

I'd suggest she only kisses baby when there is a cloth barrier - eg with a hat on baby your MIL can kiss on the hat on top of the head? Or on a sleeve or on her clothed tummy maybe.

As someone who was kissed by someone with a cold sore as a baby please don't allow it. Not only did I nearly die but it has a lifelong impact.

The virus went in my eyes which left scare tissue and impacted vision. If I have a flare up the cold sore comes out in my eyes and causes more damage so I'm now at the point of taking preventative aciclovir tablets

If the mother has the virus, she gives some protection to her children, but OP's baby hasn't got that protection.

It's a risk and I can't see how anymore can read about babies dying or some of the comments about how they were kissed as babies and wish they weren't, and the effect it's had on their lives, and come to the conclusion someone's want to kiss a baby matters more.

Doesn’t she realise that cold sores are caused by the Herpes Simplex virus which, once you have it, stays in your body for ever and there’s no cure for it? Tell her you don’t want her passing an incurable virus on to your baby. That’s not you being fussy, it’s just accepted medical advice.

Gently, I would say you are being unreasonable. I understand your concerns as a new mum but if it was your own mum doing it, would you be half as concerned/offended?

Your mil is also a mother and I obviously know nothing of her but I assume she has raised decent humans who aren't covered in welts as you married one of them. Let her enjoy your baby and be pleased you have her. You may well need her in the not so distant future for babysitting when you’re totally exhausted.

to me it seems you have awfulised this situation.

Since COVID some people are germophobe, I include myself in this. Yes, cold sores can be passed on but does she have them ALL the time?

Tingling on the lips is the first sign and usually pass in 2 weeks, Raspberries at little ones has been a thing for an age. People spray when they speak.

She’s MIL and wants a relationship with grandchild.

please have a conversation about your worries and agree a balanced approach.

i have looked after several of my grandchildren for years. Now mostly school holidays. I have given them love, hugs and air kisses. They have given me the same. No kisses on the face. Maybe top of head. I just don’t feel the need and I think people who say that babies are very kissable are a bit sad. Unless you are a parent they are not yours to kiss.

The cold sore virus has been known to kill babies. Its a no brainer, tell her its never going to happen.

• Transmission:
• The virus can be transmitted to a baby through direct contact, such as kissing or touching a baby with an active cold sore.
• Serious Complications:
• Neonatal herpes can lead to severe complications, including organ damage, blindness, seizures, and even death.

Are you for real - this could kill her child.

• Transmission:
• The virus can be transmitted to a baby through direct contact, such as kissing or touching a baby with an active cold sore.
• Serious Complications:
• Neonatal herpes can lead to severe complications, including organ damage, blindness, seizures, and even death.