Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL wants to kiss baby but gets coldsores

133 replies

Itsrainingfrogs · 07/04/2025 14:42

I have an almost 5 month old baby, and we told everyone there would be no kissing the baby when she was born (she was born in peak cold and flu season) which is what the NHS recommends.
MIL started kissing her when she was around 3m old and when we reminded her again that we didn’t want the baby to be kissed she “thought it was ok now she wasn’t a newborn”.
Baby is now 5m and I know it will come up again. AIBU to say that I never want my MIL to kiss the baby due to the fact she gets coldsores?

MIL also puts her fingers in my baby’s mouth, and sprays her with saliva when blowing raspberries which also annoys me so I’m not sure if I’m just being precious/an overprotective first time mum.

OP posts:
AnnaBalfour · 07/04/2025 16:21

My mother fell out with a friend who gave me a kiss as a young child while she was still recovering from a cold sore. I’ll never forget seeing my usually very calm, gracious and unflappable mum seething with rage.

springbringshope · 07/04/2025 16:27

Thebloodynine · 07/04/2025 14:53

Why is she putting her fingers in the baby’s mouth?

The cold sore thing; she isn’t contagious if she doesn’t have a cold sore so you need to relax that a bit. Grandparents should be able to kiss their grandchildren and vice versa. But, maybe it’s personal opinion. I don’t agree with the new trends of no one else being allowed to hold the baby and no one allowed to kiss the baby, however if that’s the choice you’ve made then that’s up to you but you need ti keep the same rule for everyone. You can’t let your mum kiss the baby and tell your husband’s mum that she isn’t allowed.

No one should be able to kiss a child if the child or parents don’t want it.

good grief it’s not some God given right

springbringshope · 07/04/2025 16:28

Dontlletmedownbruce · 07/04/2025 16:15

YABU she deserves to kiss her grandchild. And babies deserve to be loved by more than just their mum. You stopped everyone from kissing the baby for 3 whole months, I think you are being extremely over protective now. In a few months your baby will be rolling around trying to lick stones, licking trolley handles and people's shoes and god knows what else. That's what they do, they put everything in their mouth and need to build a strong immunity. A bit of MILs saliva is nothing by comparison. If a coldsore presents then i agree absolutely no kissing until it fades away but otherwise I think you are being very foolish worrying about this.

Stop with the deserved thing. It’s fucking creepy. No one deserves to be allowed to kiss anyone. I can’t believe people think like this.

springbringshope · 07/04/2025 16:29

GoingBackToNOWHERE · 07/04/2025 15:43

I get occasional coldsores.

That means I could never ever kiss my baby at all or my partner? Fuck no! I don’t kiss them when I have active cold sore or when I start to get that tingly feeling on my lip,sure. But at all?

you don’t get to go around kissing other people’s babies.

springbringshope · 07/04/2025 16:32

Thebloodynine · 07/04/2025 15:09

I’m sure all those spouses where one gets cold sores never kiss them. My boyfriend gets them. Never infected me.

They’re not lepers. It’s a horrible way to behave.

Edited
Show quote history

IT’S A BABY. Good grief. Your bf gets to choose. You can’t force yourself on him. Baby doesn’t get to choose. Do no, people carrying viruses don’t get to kiss them.

Icedlatteplease · 07/04/2025 16:33

Cold sores are only contagious when they are active.

Two teenage children and at least one adult relationship where I've never passed them onto anyone.

Of course noone has a right to kiss anyone and certainly not on the lips but damn sad if "coldsores" are the only reason

Anxioustealady · 07/04/2025 16:35

Icedlatteplease · 07/04/2025 16:33

Cold sores are only contagious when they are active.

Two teenage children and at least one adult relationship where I've never passed them onto anyone.

Of course noone has a right to kiss anyone and certainly not on the lips but damn sad if "coldsores" are the only reason

But they're contagious before you can see them.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 07/04/2025 16:35

@springbringshope you think kissing a baby is creepy? You have serious issues if you think that.

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 07/04/2025 16:35

I would put my foot down and tell her in no uncertain terms she is not to kiss baby nor be putting fingers in mouth, it's disgusting. Anyone who knowingly risks passing herpes to a baby is a selfish idiot imo and I wouldn't hesitate to speak up and stop it happening to your baby. You also need dh on board to reiterate all you say and call her out on any stupidity.

mlc0 · 07/04/2025 16:35

Yabu

i get coldsores but I just don’t kiss my son (9 weeks) or Dh when I have one active (had 1 since he was born)

Dh has never got them off me

Teaformenow · 07/04/2025 16:37

Shockingly selfish attitude from your MIL. I also had experience of this exact thing, made me absolutely furious.

Newmattress · 07/04/2025 16:37

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 07/04/2025 16:35

I would put my foot down and tell her in no uncertain terms she is not to kiss baby nor be putting fingers in mouth, it's disgusting. Anyone who knowingly risks passing herpes to a baby is a selfish idiot imo and I wouldn't hesitate to speak up and stop it happening to your baby. You also need dh on board to reiterate all you say and call her out on any stupidity.

yes to this. Put your foot down. I have shown love to my goddaughter and nieces their whole lives and I’ve not kissed them. There are other ways to show affection. Hugs, holding them when they were babies , getting to know them as they grow older, buying presses etc . Kissing is not necessary.

And I don’t even have herpes.

Why are some adults so stupid and selfish?

thepariscrimefiles · 07/04/2025 16:38

Thebloodynine · 07/04/2025 15:09

I’m sure all those spouses where one gets cold sores never kiss them. My boyfriend gets them. Never infected me.

They’re not lepers. It’s a horrible way to behave.

Edited
Show quote history

It can be very dangerous for young babies and in rare cases can cause death.

OP is entitled to set boundaries to protect her baby's health.

thepariscrimefiles · 07/04/2025 16:43

Dontlletmedownbruce · 07/04/2025 16:35

@springbringshope you think kissing a baby is creepy? You have serious issues if you think that.

No, your insistance that people deserve to be able to kiss other people's babies is creepy.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 07/04/2025 16:49

thepariscrimefiles · 07/04/2025 16:43

No, your insistance that people deserve to be able to kiss other people's babies is creepy.

Show quote history

Using that logic one could also argue that the OP doesn't deserve to kiss the baby either. The baby is a little human, not her property, and cannot consent to her mother's kisses any more than to her grandmother's kisses. So maybe no one should kiss babies? For their own protection.

ThePinkOtter · 07/04/2025 16:51

YANBU, cold sores can be very dangerous for babies. This is a fact. Anyone who makes you feel like you’re being unreasonable about this is incredibly dim and selfish, in my opinion.

Your baby is still very young, stand your ground for as long as you want. Granny doesn’t “deserve” to kiss baby, baby deserves to be protected from a potentially life threatening virus! Make sure your DH/DP has your back on this too.

TomatoSandwiches · 07/04/2025 16:53

Why on earth is she putting her fingers in your 5 month olds mouth?!

She sounds a bit dim, does she not know how horrifically ill babies can become if they contract herpes?
She needs telling op, YANBU.

TomatoSandwiches · 07/04/2025 16:54

And the level of entitlement here is disturbing, if it's not your baby you don't get a say!

ButterCrackers · 07/04/2025 16:58

Tell your mil that if she doesn’t stop this saliva and kissing then she will have to wear a mask. Same for the fingers - tell her no. If she can’t understand then your mil can’t hold the baby or get close to the baby.

autisticbookworm · 07/04/2025 16:58

I’d be ok with kissing top of head but not the face there’s just no need. I’d say no to fingers - that’s just weird. Encourage her to blow raspberries on the belly maybe?? I’d get dh to have a word.

my mil and fil get cold sores and have never done any of that. Neither of their children get cold sores.

Bramshott · 07/04/2025 17:04

All those saying putting your fingers in a baby's mouth is disgusting - have you really never let your baby suck your (clean!) finger, or gum it when they're teething??

FWIW my mum gets occasional cold sores, and it would never have occurred to me for a second to tell her she wasn't allowed to kiss my DC when she didn't have a cold sore!

AmusedGoose · 07/04/2025 17:13

Yawn. Another MIL hater. Hope you never need her to babysit.

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 07/04/2025 17:14

AmusedGoose · 07/04/2025 17:13

Yawn. Another MIL hater. Hope you never need her to babysit.

Bollocks. Op is not a mil hater at all, just a responsible mum trying to navigate handling an irresponsible mil and keeping her baby safe.

AnnaBalfour · 07/04/2025 17:21

Any loving grandmother would never kiss their grandchild with a cold sore. Just no!

overtothere · 07/04/2025 17:22

How many times have you posted this?