MIL wants to kiss baby but gets coldsores

[Itsrainingfrogs]

I have an almost 5 month old baby, and we told everyone there would be no kissing the baby when she was born (she was born in peak cold and flu season) which is what the NHS recommends.
MIL started kissing her when she was around 3m old and when we reminded her again that we didn’t want the baby to be kissed she “thought it was ok now she wasn’t a newborn”.
Baby is now 5m and I know it will come up again. AIBU to say that I never want my MIL to kiss the baby due to the fact she gets coldsores?

MIL also puts her fingers in my baby’s mouth, and sprays her with saliva when blowing raspberries which also annoys me so I’m not sure if I’m just being precious/an overprotective first time mum.

Because she gets cold sores?

so by your own words. If you have the cold sore virus. You must never kiss anyone ever ever ever and go through life and never kiss a soul. How bloody ridiculous!
If you have a cold sore or one brewing (which you can often tell) then no, you wouldn’t kiss anyone.

Ive had 3 cold sores in 1 year and then gone 2 years without a single one!!

We're talking about babies! Not adults who can make their own decisions

lol why do so many MN mils have cold sores? I’ve never met anyone in real life that has one, although I know that doesn’t mean they don’t have the virus. But still.

Because they where all kissed by their grannies who had cold sores 😅

I think I know maybe one person who gets them actively and she had them in primary school so clearly caught as a child likely from a kissy relative she was very strict about nobody kissing her children.

I wouldn't say NEVER kiss...just not with cold sore...however, that is based on the fact that you can trust your MIL. Can you trust her not to kiss, for instance, if she had the "prodromal tingle" that often proceeds the active coldsore? I imagine, if she sticks her fingers into your baby's mouth and sprays her with saliva, you couldn't. In that situation, you may have to enact a " never kissing" stance, especially on the face.

@Itsrainingfrogs
You do realise that MIL managed to raise your H without passing on her coldsores?
So - assuming she is an idiot intent on harming your baby is totally bonkers.
Are you generally germaphobic or have health anxieties?

I get coldsores about once a year. And obviously don’t kiss anyone then, until it heals, which is quite obvious. Have raised two kids myself - kissing them.
My kids don’t get coldsores. And neither have any of the men I dated over the years.

Your baby will start getting mobile soon - crawling and grabbing anything and everything, and putting it in their mouth.

This is important part of building healthy immunity.

You really need to try to deal with your issues - or you’ll be constantly on edge. How will you deal with germs everywhere around the kids in nurseries and schools??
Gradma’s raspberries is really not an issue.

I hope your poor baby won’t grow up being afraid of their grandma’s kisses, on your account.
Grandma does not have leprosy. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Was all prepared to say YABU, but having read this, you’re definitely not! Why on earth is she shoving her fingers in the baby’s mouth? Gross! And your baby does not need t have to deal with a bout of herpes!

Absolutely do be prepared to set rules and boundaries for your own baby. Don’t give a shit if people squawk about “precious first born”, yes she is your precious baby and as such you’ll do anything to protect her! I didn’t allow my in laws who smoke around my babies when they were young. Absolutely no regrets.

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ ffs! what are u on about? Have you bothered to read my post??

Just to say. I’ve had cold sores since primary school. I’ve raised 2 children now late teens/ early twenties. Husband 25 years. 2 sets of grandparents. 3 nieces.
Not one, not one has got a cold sore!
not once have I kissed anyone with or brewing with a coldsore and this is what people need to remember!
Yes it can lie dormant in people. Maybe look at what dormant means in a dictionary. Dormant is different to active!

I've never kissed my kids on the lips for this very reason

I get coldsores, I have a 6 month old and kiss him everyday, I've had one coldsore since he's been born and wore compeed patches and obviously didn't kiss him during that time.

I dont think it's weird for her to want to kiss her grandchild, however she absolutely should respect your wishes and boundaries. Get your husband to chat to her and outline your wishes very clearly, if she doesn't respect those, she doesn't get to hold baby.

Your baby your choice. Nobody is entitled to kiss someone else just because of their title to a baby. Especially if they get cold sores! You don’t catch these same people forcing affection on older children and teens!

We asked people not to kiss our baby when he was a newborn. He was early and vulnerable. MIL still kissed him stating “well we didn’t have that rule in my day” 🙄

We were fine with relatives kissing him when he was older and more robust. But if anyone was prone to cold sores, it would still be a hard no.

Yes I have, have you?

You're complaining that you wouldn't be able to kiss anyone your whole life. Kiss adults if they agree, but not other people's babies.

You getting to kiss babies is less important to me than a baby risking catching the herpes virus.

NHS website.....'Cold sores are contagious from the moment you first feel tingling or other signs of a cold sore coming on to when the cold sore has completely healed.'
I get cold sores occasionally and would never dream of kissing anyone of any age when I have them, and I don't kiss my children, grandchildren, or husband if I can feel the warning tingle. My children are now middle-aged and my husband is in his 70s. As I kissed them when I didn't have cold sores and none of them have cold sores, it seems to me that you can kiss people safely as long as you don't have a current infection.

I get cold sores also. I’ve not passed them to my husband or children. ‘Never’ kissing your grandchild sounds like overkill.

Clean fingers = perfectly normal alternative to offer to a baby rather than a dummy, IME. You could offer her a dummy to replace her fingers in the baby's mouth - grown ups have lots of other things to do with our hands.

She will know when she's infectious with a cold sore. If she doesn't have any visible signs of one there's no risk of it being passed on. Consider if this is really about cold sores and you need more info about them / how they spread or if it's really a different underlying issue.

So do u not think ive kissed my own babies and nieces?? 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
oh and given i suffer with cold sores then yes i think i have. Ffs!

People who suffer from coldsores generally have an idea when one is coming, but those who carry it and are asymptomatic can pass on the virus and have no idea.

For that reason I think its fair to have a universal rule where friends and family aren't kissing your young baby when the risk is still so high to their health.

Oh and I’ve not actually complained have I? A complaint would be if I am unhappy with a situation that has affected me.

I have made a point that someone else has summarised.

Me - "other people's babies"

You - "my own babies"

🙄

Again! Read what I have put in the original post and the point of the OP post! 😂😂

Oh OP wait for only a few short months when baby is crawling and put her own hands in her mouth after putting them on the floor. And teething when everything goes into her mouth.

i think you are overreacting a bit.

I don't kiss my own baby as I get cold sores. I haven't had one since she was born but it's not worth the risk to me.

None of this things are comparable to herpes in a small baby.

You do know that the cold sore virus can and does cause blindness in older babies, right? And that in newborns it can be fatal? If OP’s mother had actual leprosy it would be less of a problem than herpes simplex!