To think when you’ve experienced a good private school…

[B100000]

It’s really hard to accept your dc will have to be in state?

We can’t afford private at the moment, not just the VAT but in general. Things may change but we’ve been looking round state schools recently and I’m finding it so hard to accept that my ds will be in this environment. Before I get slammed with criticism on here, I am not at all wishing my ds wasn’t mixing with a wider range of society… that’s actually the one positive about him going to a state school. But I’m sad he will be in crumbling classrooms, limited facilities, huge classes. All the things I was lucky enough not to experience. Even the food is vastly different, again I’m not saying the food is bad at state but I feel I had so much more growing up than ds will.

this isn’t a state slamming thread. I know a good education can be achieved there. I just feel I’m letting my ds down when I had such a brilliant school environment, and there’s nothing I can do to change this for him.

It's ridiculous actually that what you inherit can be more important than what you earn.

Thst maybe so but most Grammar schools were phased out in the 70 s

When I was younger nearly all state school teachers my parents and i knew ( quite a lot really) had put their kids in private school.

I was in a private school and out of our class of 12 there were 4 kids who had a parent teaching in a state school

Which is a pity. Glad we still have a few grammars here

People have commented that private school didn’t do me any good as I can’t afford fees… I’m actually in what you would consider to be a good professional role. That’s the depressing part! And we still can’t afford it.

It’s not about what dc will earn in future though. Or even the exam results. It’s about them enjoying school and feeling safe and nurtured and growing up in a happy environment. Of course the visible aesthetics of a school don’t mean it is bad and isn’t a happy place and of course lots of private schools are terrible. But I really wanted them to be in a class that wasn’t full of 30 pupils at age 7!

@B100000 Both of my DDs were in state for EY and KS1. Yes 30 Dc but fantastic teachers. That’s an absolute key issue. A brilliant teacher will teach a larger class well and be better than a poor teacher in a small class. Some private schools don’t have the best teachers so it’s not a given your DC won’t be taught well in state. SLT in state makes a massive difference too. Are they able to improve the school? Many Heads do this very well.

At secondary, the difference between most state schools and a top notch private is vast. The difference between low tier private and best state, not much. Many parents are escaping dc they don’t want in their DCs class. However your DS comes from a family interested in education so that’s a great advantage in any school.

It’s not about what dc will earn in future though. Or even the exam results. It’s about them enjoying school and feeling safe and nurtured and growing up in a happy environment

100%
Teachers can and do leave stressful (even violent) school environments, state or private. Children have little agency in this and must be unbelievably stressful and traumatising - sounds like hyperbole but I don’t think it is based on some posts by teachers. Even constant low level disruption can be very frustrating and detrimental.

I went to a really good state comprehensive school that streamed from Y7. DH went to an awful one.

We really tried to pick good one for DC but house prices stimed that.

We thought we'd picked best of rest - year before eldest went best ever result after a new build and decade of improvemnets- 81% 5 GCSE including English and maths above C. Youngest still there recently saw report it's now 41% with same - so nearly 60% don't get high enough to go to next stage - it get blamed on intake but if anything last decade area profile improved. That doesn't even mention lack of extra crulium opportunities, lack of staff really bad for middle child GCSE years, poor behavior even in top sets and the new building now being 20 years old and really showing it.

I got told on here we clearly didn't value education or we'd have sent our kids to a better school.

There was no inhertied money in our families - we had to save house deposit - all time house prices just went up and up - so despite living frugally (very by MN standards) was early 30s before we bought and then in cheaper areas- then first secondary wasn't great and were pleased when work moved us on to new part of UK only for that to drop.

State sector has huge variation - our kids have done okay to great but we've filled gaps in. If we could have swung better state catchments or private would absolutely have wanted that for our kids and worry despite our best efforts we did let them down - it did feel like they had less than I did.

I agree with you OP, that's why DH and I are budgeting to send both of ours to private. It will cost approx £35- £40k a year which we can afford (just). But we'll do things like buy a smaller house & budget in other areas to afford it.

80K on school fees? It's mind blowing.

I’ve thought about this a lot and often wondered how hard it must be to have attended a really good private school and then not earn enough to be able to send your DC to one?

It's not all about earning power though. It's also about the school experience. Not all private schools are selective or full of high flyers you know.

We have one in our town. The gcse pass rates are actually lower than the 2 comps. But it's smaller and does lots of other activities

DH attended one I see often talked about on here (let’s just say he has sung in front of the Queen as part of the Clapham Junction Rail disaster) in fact his education is the most eclectically weird schooling you can come across - a religious based private school near Kensington, St Paul Cathedral boarding school, a south London primary state and said above school.

and he knew 2 things, one he wanted our children to stay in the same primary school and two he did not want them in private school

@kaela100 Not for a good school here it wouldn’t. That’s just a starting point for two DC. Secondary is a lot more. However depends on what you actually get for the money.

I’ve thought about this a lot and often wondered how hard it must be to have attended a really good private school and then not earn enough to be able to send your DC to one?

I have friends who disappointed their parents because they didn't make good "on their investment". Tbh if I paid 30k a year and dc were on minimum wage I would be disappointed. Obviously it's different if your dc's have trusts or at private for other reasons.

@sharkanado You don’t understand private schools. There are great artists at private schools. Not everyone is pushing to get the highest paying jobs. It’s also true that plenty don’t need to. That’s the great thing about a private education. You can explore what interests you and don’t forget £30,000 a year (loads more for some boarding schools) is not a huge sum for some families.

😆 I've worked in a few!

"Obviously it's different if your dc's have trusts or at private for other reasons."

Did you miss the above?

Fed up of lazy assumptions that (1) all private schools are good, (2) all srate schools are awful and (3) children in deprived areas are violent thugs who don't care about their education

This! And there are stupid people stretching thin to send their kids to private schools when they have access to great state schools!