To think when you’ve experienced a good private school…

[B100000]

It’s really hard to accept your dc will have to be in state?

We can’t afford private at the moment, not just the VAT but in general. Things may change but we’ve been looking round state schools recently and I’m finding it so hard to accept that my ds will be in this environment. Before I get slammed with criticism on here, I am not at all wishing my ds wasn’t mixing with a wider range of society… that’s actually the one positive about him going to a state school. But I’m sad he will be in crumbling classrooms, limited facilities, huge classes. All the things I was lucky enough not to experience. Even the food is vastly different, again I’m not saying the food is bad at state but I feel I had so much more growing up than ds will.

this isn’t a state slamming thread. I know a good education can be achieved there. I just feel I’m letting my ds down when I had such a brilliant school environment, and there’s nothing I can do to change this for him.

Maybe go and live abroad and recognise that the British hysteria about schools is really culture-specific. Lots of places just send their kids to the nearest school without giving it another thought, and aren’t fixated obsessively on giving their child an education that’s restricted to under 10% the population. It’s basically social anxiety.

Here is my useful. I think it's outrageous that money buys education.

Surrey/London borders so you have the grammar system of the Sutton Grammars and Tiffin, 2 single sex schools that used to be Epsom Grammars and a couple of other really good schools.

Apart from the grammars isn't it quite hard to be in the catchment for more than 1 state school here though? @Tiswa

From your list the only thing our outstanding secondary doesn't have is a swimming pool. Excellent drama though. We aren't in London and our state school had a waiting list of >300.
What happens with threads like these is misery. Private schoolers have not seen a good state school and many times are just looking for confirmation bias trying to prove their moneys worth. Not all private schools are amazing and not all states are non competitive to private. Many states are better than many privates. Some children don't thrive in a private setting and some children care more about other things than the swimming pool. There's still economics attached to it though. In ours you pay for a nearby home, rather than the paying the school. Still, you get the house in the end.

Not my little pocket and not with the falling birth rate! DD would have had 3 (1 was due to a low birth rate year)and DS definitely had the choice of 3 and that has remained constant in all years

there are however black spots in other places near us in Worcester Park way

None of mine particularly. We are in a large northern city in school with a very mixed catchment. They all have done well.

If you still have that fund, could you move, or could you use the money to pay for interesting extra curricular activities / travel?

@Tiswa interesting, I have loads of friends in the area. One who lives in Worcester Park, they had one very good choice & one ok choice. Another friend wanted Rosebush or similar which has a small catchment, one in Cheam had to be in a very small area for Harris and another in Ewell focused on a boys option. We were looking at moving around there so I'm intrigued where the best bit is to access all the best options as my friends haven't found it.
Plus I thought that area was bucking the falling birth rates trend.

It was only when I started working in state schools that I became very very grateful that mine were in their private schools.

We are Stoneleigh so lots of choice including being there for grammars!

"Educational achievement is mostly predicted by parental input and engagement, not which school you go to."

Absolutely this. Highest correlations are mother's (yes mother, not father) education level and parental input. Much more than private state etc...

@Tiswa that's where my friend in Ewell is. I thought Glyn was by far the best (excluding grammars) but that's only boys?

@B100000 I think there’s a discussion to be had on what “doing well” is? Lots of people just think it’s exams. Everything else they pay for and it’s not part of school, so life is compartmentalised. I liked that my DDs had lots of things that were part of senior school that enriched their lives. They liked being in a harmonious school and enjoyed doing so much with school friends. They didn’t necessarily have top notch facilities at school but they did have an environment to explore life beyond the curriculum. The great thing about most private schools is they they are not strict. That’s something I would really value now.

State educated here, husband private educated. Mother of three children - one autistic, one possibly autistic and one seems NT at the moment. We can't afford private. They had a fab infant school which was everything we wanted from school, so far the large juniors has been good academically but questionable otherwise. They will likely all get into a good secondary which scores highly in exam results but at what cost? The class sizes are large, the pastoral support isn't there. It really worries me for the future, especially for my two neurodivergent ones. There is one secondary that doesn't perform well in exams. You might think that might be more nurturing but nope, the bullying there is just more public (fake accounts on Facebook groups posting stuff about pupils).

Context: I'm a state school primary teacher 20+ years' experience living in a county with full state grammar school system.

State schools have been underfunded for well over a decade. My daughter's grammar school subsidises their provision with parent donations (which are huge, and they are really beggy). Son's upper school (where the 80% of kids in the county who don't 'pass' their 11+ go) has 1/3 of children eligible for free school meals, loads of deprivation, pupils with 'behaviour' (mostly unmet needs) and hardly any teachers who are qualified or are not supply. These kids spend most of their day marking time, very little learning takes place.

Basically, the school system is chronically screwed, with many lost opportunities to get our children on a path to success.

My point is that there are huge inequities in the education system in this country. Paying for private / independent may seem like you are paying to game the system to avoid the depressing state of state education. And you are. However, we ALL pay for the failure of underfunding education...the impact of this is already apparent with the huge numbers of young people not in work or education. And this costs a lot of taxpayer cash, which would have been better invested in their earlier years, giving these kids skills they can use (to benefit us all). You've got to invest in our children if you want someone to look after you in your old age!!

With all due respect OP, you say that you were privately educated - that doesn’t seem to have translated into a high earning position (given private education for your DC is out of reach). And yes I know, how much a person earns is not an indicator of happiness or ‘doing well’.
There’s so much more to education than just school though. Like someone mentioned, parental input is the biggest predictor of a child’s success at school.

Yes I agree with this

With the brilliant start you had in life, why can’t you afford to send your DC to private school?

With the brilliant start you had in life, why can’t you afford to send your DC to private school?

i have friends who went to private school, who had parents who paid their house deposits etc & they still need gp to help pay for their gc fees. It's not uncommon.

Could you look into a bursary?

I can't afford private and my dd is in state primary. It's 'outstanding' and in my area people are fighting to get homes here just to have their kids in this school. In reality it's a load of crap and not good enough for any child. Understaffed, full of dumb rules, not inspiring or interesting. Even the smartest of kids will switch off. Yes I feel guilty too and don't blame you, everyone wants the best for their children

I can understand how you feel. My DD is now in private due to a change in circumstance but I did feel my DD was missing out on lots initially - and she was. However, if you pour some money in, if you can, into clubs, holiday activity, the odd private tutor, then you can do a lot to make up. But home does need to be a learning environment with clear expectations and a lot of parental input.

Give your DC as many experiences as you can. Introduce them to music, art, museums, theatre and literature. Take them on educational trips and let them learn an instrument. Talk to them about history, politics. In other words give them love and encouragement and extend them.

@Kigskat If you mean Bucks, which secondary (upper) do you mean? I don’t recognise any from that description!

As for earning enough for private: depends on housing costs. In London these are phenomenal. Privately educated teachers do exist. Also privately educated nurses.

not at 6th Form DD is moving there in September!

it depends I think on the child - DS didn’t go there this year and wouldn’t suit him.

we are lucky here in that we had a choice of different schools all of whom have different positives and negatives and could pick based on what suited our individual child- and actually private was also a consideration (the one in Ewell)