To think when you’ve experienced a good private school…

[B100000]

It’s really hard to accept your dc will have to be in state?

We can’t afford private at the moment, not just the VAT but in general. Things may change but we’ve been looking round state schools recently and I’m finding it so hard to accept that my ds will be in this environment. Before I get slammed with criticism on here, I am not at all wishing my ds wasn’t mixing with a wider range of society… that’s actually the one positive about him going to a state school. But I’m sad he will be in crumbling classrooms, limited facilities, huge classes. All the things I was lucky enough not to experience. Even the food is vastly different, again I’m not saying the food is bad at state but I feel I had so much more growing up than ds will.

this isn’t a state slamming thread. I know a good education can be achieved there. I just feel I’m letting my ds down when I had such a brilliant school environment, and there’s nothing I can do to change this for him.

Vast difference in the cost of housing and general living costs between Surrey/London borders and the Midlands. The additional cost would likely cover private education through to sixth form in the Midlands. I live smack bang in the middle of two outstanding secondary schools in the south east - the average price of a house in my neighbourhood is circa £900k.

I think it’s the same with houses. I don’t care about how big my house is but it’s a lot smaller than the house I grew up in and I have a much more stressful job plus run a business on the side and earn more money than my parents ever did it’s just how things have changed and the big houses are no longer affordable.
Same with private school I suppose. I never went and could never afford it for my children but it sounds like it used to be cheaper in relative terms.

I understand how you feel but there is no point in dwelling on it as it seems to be outside of your reach, just like it is for millions of other kids / parents, you need to accept the position that you are in and focus on the positives, there is no point hankering after a life you can’t have

Maybe it would be better to say when you’ve experienced a good school it’s really hard to accept that your dc will have to be in a poor one? Because-i know this is a cliche-there are good and bad in both sectors.

This is my absolute dread.dd3 is ASD and I will put her in state mainstream, she won't be accepted by the local privates as she's currently non verbal. May I ask please did you find the move for a private from state relatively ok later on ?

I agree. Our son went to an ancient crumbling state school, dark wood paneling everywhere, yet the culture and nurturing was absolutely excellent as they got top results. Just because a school appears bright and shiny with lots of new stuff, doesn't mean it's a good school. People are more important than "things", including staff and pupils.

I think it depends - the state primary school my children went to is absolutely everything I would want in a school, and I would choose it over any of the local private schools in a heartbeat. I'm terms of secondary schools, DD would have ended up in the state sixth form college she's at anyway, because it is by far the best place in the region for the subjects she is studying. For the other five years, would she have been better off in a private school? Possibly - her state school is very good, but didn't really value the arts or languages, and I feel that she probably did miss out on good language learning in a way that wouldn't have been the case had she gone to a private school. I don't it the difference is worth the amount I would have paid in fees, though, and overall her experience of state education is far better tha mine of private.

I went to private school and had a good experience generally. It was a very good school. Ds went to state primary and now at state secondary. I don't feel bad at all, both decent schools, he gets loads more independence than I did, has local friends, local hobbies, loves school (and life!). Most importantly doesn't have to board (although I appreciate that's a slightly different issue).

Is he very bright? Look into scholarships for any local private schools, most will have some funded places, but they are usually dependent on an academic examination. Worth a try.

My kid’s state secondary offers all of this, plus a theatre and photography studios. She’s learning Classics, Latin, French and Spanish and, more to the point, is really happy there.

You are the other side grammars. The boy one local to me is also top 10

what interesting though is I would say the boy side is superior here as well

A lot of state schools are in very good nick with relatively recent investment and more disposable income than private schools. Yes class sizes are bigger (max 32 vs max 24 in most senior schools) but the teachers have the same training and teach the same exam courses. Stop worrying.

Latin was defunded in January, so the school will be self-funding it. Many schools have had to stop just before kids take the GCSE they had been working towards because they can’t afford to cover the cost. I hate top-down centralised control of minutia like this. Each school knows best what subjects to offer their kids.

My husband went to a boarding school that is spoken of very positively on here, his little brother is currently a pupil there. When my husband attended it was rife with racism, sexism and homophobia, hazing was common place, kids from less well off backgrounds were bullied and sexual assault was common place. The dorms are still crap and heating is very tightly rationed, the food is still crap unless its an open event, messages home are still vetted to reduce whistle blowing. He would never send our children to a private school.

Channel your energies into helping the PTA solve some of the issues.

I would probably feel the same OP. I've not experienced private, but dd1 would have been better off in a gentle, more nurturing primary school, which private may have offered. Dd2 was fine. Both have had a better experience in their comp than I had in my grammar and both have done better. So although I worried before they went to their comp, I definitely don't feel bad about it now. Younger one about to finish 6th form.

I get it OP. I went to a top girls independent and I loved my time there.

My DC going to state was non-negotiable and I know how that makes me sound.

I do this on my own I might add before anyone jumps on me about marrying a rich guy - I pay for my 2 DDs prep. Not sure how I'm going to fund secondary yet but I'll find a way, I'm that determined.

Well, let's face it. If you've ended up in this situation, it's perhaps because your private school education didn’t ultimately translate into better job opportunities. Otherwise, you would be able to afford it for your son.

Kent has about 25,% of kids in grammar schools. Essex is far less

Part of the trouble is they always say the public can vote with their feet but when only 1 local school is decent you have no option but to pay for private as they can't take everyone. Now that is further out of most people's reach it just puts extra strain on the schools which are getting it right with more and more kids going through the mess of a state system instead.

Maybe it would be better to say when you’ve experienced a good school it’s really hard to accept that your dc will have to be in a poor one?

That's exactly what I was going to say.
I'm sure we all hope that we can give our children at least as good opportunities as we had ourselves, preferably better. Feeling you can't do that, for whatever reason, is bound to be upsetting. But believing that will necessarily be the case if they go to state schools is a bit fatalistic. My DH who was privately educated was a bit like this but now he'd agree that our state schooled children had a better education and much happier school days than he did, and anything we felt to be missing was fairly easily provided in other ways.
Of course there are some terrible state schools (I went to one so am under no illusions) but there are also plenty that are good enough and some that are genuinely excellent. It's not necessarily a disaster OP.

I'm not in your situation but I do feel my oldest children got a very different state experience to my youngest. Things have changed over the last ten years. I'm relieved all of mine will be out of the school system from July.

Good God, I didn't know people like this were real.

I went to state school but my children went to private. When my DD was looking at sixth forms (we were moving and she wanted to go to all girls instead of coed she had been in) we looked at an Ofsted rated Excellent all girls state school. The Open Day though was badly organised and revealed that there was no dedicated Sixth Form study area, no separate Sixth Form anything. My DD came out saying there’s a reason you pay for the bells and whistles.
interestingly, she’s now at Durham, and she says there’s a real anti private sentiment - which goes against what everyone says about it! None of her current friends went to private school.

Good God I'm so sick of rude posters who post inane or rude comments without contributing anything useful to a thread.