My one and only holiday ruined?

[AbbeyDown]

AIBU to feel really upset that my holiday plans have changed without my input?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m feeling really unsettled about something, and my husband doesn’t seem to get where I’m coming from.

We booked a 10-day holiday abroad as a break after my 16-year-old daughter finishes her GCSEs. It was meant to be just the three of us — a time to relax, unwind, and celebrate her finishing such a stressful chapter.

Now I’ve found out that my husband’s long-time friend (who I’ve known for years, but we’re not especially close) has also booked onto the same holiday, staying at our hotel. He’s bringing along his girlfriend, who I’ve only met once, and their two kids — one who is close in age to my daughter, and a 5 year-old.

I had no say in this. My husband told them about our plans, and they just… decided to come. Apparently it was going to be kept a secret and just surprise us when we got to the airport. I wasn’t asked if I was okay with it, and now I’m expected to share my holiday with a group of people I don’t know well, including a young child, which changes the whole dynamic of the trip.

I also want to be honest: I struggle with confidence, especially around my body and skin. I deal with hormonal acne, and holidays are the one time I let go, go makeup-free, and truly relax — knowing no one knows me and I don’t have to “perform” socially. Now, with someone 12 years younger than me who I barely know coming along, I feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable. It’s not about jealousy — it’s about not feeling safe to just be myself anymore.

My husband says I’m overreacting and that there’s “nothing wrong with my body,” but he’s totally missing the emotional side of this for me. I feel like my space has been taken away from me, and I’ve lost the freedom I was looking forward to.

AIBU to feel upset about this? And has anyone else dealt with something similar?

On one hand, nobody feels at their best while queuing up for mass-catering, but on the other hand, if she does see you, that must mean she’s also there jostling for access to the nuggets (or whatever). Maybe you’ll find you have more in common than you think…? I think be open minded and you could be surprised with a new friendship by the end of your holibobs.

I would probably do the same, but being in that headspace would still ruin my holiday.

Is it one where you can book your evening meal at different restaurants in the hotel? If so, I’d be opting for a late reservation each night from the start. As I can’t imagine the other family will be wanting to eat late. At least this gives you a bit of time just the three of you…. Maybe also breakfast late, as again a five year old will be up early and wanting to eat.

The spending time around the pool without them is going to be tricky. Is the resort strict about under 18s not being in the adult section? I’m wondering if your DD, being 17, might just get away with it…

Typical response of a prickish husband, to makd it a you problem rather than a him who fxxked up problem.🙄

Thats what narcissistic twats do.
DARVO.
Look up DARVO and see does it ring a bell with you and how he behaves.
I bet it does.
Your poor daughter.

Can you contact the girlfriend and have a chat about it? Explain how you feel. Say you dont want to appear rude while your on holiday but really wanted family alone time? You might get a bit more enlightened as to how this holiday came about as well.

The entire point is that OP’s husband is supposed to be on HER side. And by his continued refusal to understand her entirely reasonable POV he seems to be showing that, frankly, he cares more about the demands of his mate (and, by extension, his mate’s GF and their children) rather than his own wife and child.

That’s a completely shitty state of affairs in anyone’s book, surely?

Knowing what all inclusive resorts are like I think you need to prepare yourself for spending more or less the entire time -meals, drinks and evening entertainment with this family. Your DH isn't going to ignore his mate on holiday is he. So unless you change hotels you may need to just start coming to terms with your DH crap decision

Are you OP's DH? 🙄

Because that absolutely will not happen. She will be forced into something out of politeness. I'd be speaking to the girlfriend and just explaining the holiday was meant to be a chill time after your daughters exams and ask the girlfriend to ask her partner to change the plans.

OP, if you can’t change anything about the holiday, I would ensure that I and DD stayed as far away from the friend and his family as possible.

I would be going out and visiting local tourist attractions without them and without DH if need be.

If having time at the pool, I’d move and sit nowhere near them. Yes that’s so rude and ignorant but TBH it is rude to book the same holiday and not ask if that’s OK.

DH can suck it up just like he expects you and DD to.

Holibobs? Either you’re the girlfriend or bad at trolling…

OP you mention above that you would loose £600 if you cancelled. I’d personally consider cancelling, writing off that £600 as your DH’s portion and take the balance to book a holiday for just you and your DD (you could even share a room, saving some money). He can sort himself out, given he was the person who orchestrated this.

Some hotels let you choose between two dinner times. Maybe op will get lucky.

Also if her room is near the bar, they can just hang out on the balcony there if there is sun. Maybe the other family will get sun at theirs at a different time and decide to use it instead of being poolside.

And if you're near a beach... Sorted. Though TBF you might go back for lunch. Just pretend you don't see them as you were engrossed in your plate and walk past xD

OP - I bet your daughter could pass as 18 so that the two of you can sit by the adult pool.

Yeh I mean I doubt they are IDing anyone unless they are at the bar.

They’ll have different coloured bracelets to signify she is under 18 and cannot be served alcohol.

Never mind the random family, as you sure you still want to holiday with your husband at this point OP? All he has done is ignored, minimized and dismissed everything you have said and clearly arranged for this family to tag along with you and your DD as back up childcare for them. I would be giving serious consideration to cancelling the entire thing and having a chat with your DD about what she would like to do with you instead. At 16, your and not going to have many more mother and daughter holidays.

If you don’t get it sorted, every day he spends a minute with his mate would be a night of him sleeping on the floor!
What an arsehole. Shame all those times you have the room keys when you and DD are off site and he isn’t or have locked/wedged the door shut when you have gone up earlier than him…
I can’t believe his lack of caring over your feelings. Both of confidence in letting it all hang out on holiday and being forced into a situation that will overshadow the whole holiday.
It won’t just be his gf seeing you when you would have been relaxing, it will be his classless mate too.
Have you managed to move your lovely holiday dates? Moving hotels wouldn’t cut it. They’d still be thereabouts at the same time and you could end up wishing you were in your original hotel

I would be furious at this. I feel the same about holidays, a time to be completely relaxed, wear what i want, do what i want etc.

I would show your husband what you have posted - and let him read our responses. Fair enough that he didn't know of the other family's 'surprise' but he really needs to be on your side about this. It is his job to make clear to his friend that the two families will not be spending the whole time together. I wish you all the best.

AbbyDown if youdo come back, you may be entitled to some Universal Credit, you are allowed savings of 16,000 and if the rest is pension savings you may be entitled to something.

the advice you're offering is so far fetched, op isn't going to book another place and just tell dh at the airport . Seriously are you writing for a soap with this advice? This is not real world behaviour. And I highly doubt you'd do this.

It sounds like they have huge boundary issues - weird it didn’t occur to them to check

id just carry on with my own holiday and ignore them or not make plans - obv say hello and be polite

I'd hate it too! Change hotels if you can, otherwise you'll keep bumping into them, and even if you don't you'll be worrying that you might. The whole thing sucks imo.

Your husband is minimising your concerns because you're about to ruin his holiday with his mate. It was going to be a surprise for you... I think his mate's girlfriend has realised the reality and that's why it got brought up in conversation.
Damage limitation so that you get a nice holiday would be moving hotel if you can. Did you book one or two rooms - might be worth moving you and DD to a different place!
I'd be having a think about how my DH had been treating me too, and whether he knows anything about me / respects me as a person at all. Not sure it would be a complete LtB but it would definitely make me think twice.