To expect a driving instructor to ring the doorbell?

[NotTonightDeidre]

Just that really. DS missed a driving lesson this morning because he wasn't awake. The driving instructor text him to say he was outside. He didn't call his phone or ring our doorbell.

I get that it's DS' responsibility to be at the lesson, but if it were me I'd just ring/knock when it's a pick up from home.

Is it really that unreasonable to get out of the car & walk 10 steps to the front door?

@NotTonightDeidre how long would you have expected DI to hang around whilst waiting for your DS to get up, dressed and wide awake enough for a driving lesson?

Presumably if your DS was awake and ready to have a lesson at the agreed upon time he would have seen the text message the instructor sent. There’s no excuse for still being asleep in bed.

When I had driving lessons 20 odd years ago the DI waited in the car and I was at the curb. If I was late, less time. This was before mobile phones as well. YABU.

YABU to keep them waiting so long!

I had a driving instructor knock on my door, after I'd painstakingly arranged to meet them elsewhere. I didn't want people to know I was taking lessons - which I appreciate is a little unusual. But it really isn't their job to knock on a door, they're not a taxi. You arrange where to meet and you get in the car and you drive... YABU. I'm assuming you're paying as you're so upset? Your son owes you the cost of the lesson. And he needs to set an alarm clock.

I am with the driving instructor on this one.

Even if he’d rang the bell your son wouldn’t have been up and ready to go. I’d the instructor expected to wait until he gets up, has a wash, cleans his teeth and gets dressed?

Your son must be at least 17y. He owns a phone. He needs to set an alarm. He can’t be getting out of bed, having seconds before been woken up by others, and rolling into a driving lesson!

Don’t enable your son by making excuses for him

he wasn’t even up

Derailing thread but my DD's instructor used to stroll around the garden in nice weather. However this one is absolutely on your DS. He should most definitely pay for it, even if you are funding lessons generally.

So you did say you wanted him to tell him off/give him a chance ? That is exactly what you meant. The DI text the boy wasn't up no curtesy knock required, if you have an an appointment you get yourself organised for it, regardless of being 17 no wonder people say "teenagers these days". Because of adults wanting to constantly coddle amd excuse them.

Driving instructors by nature of the job have to deal with a lot of teenagers, some of whom are lazy or not clued up yet, doubt they can be bothered to go round waking up all the teens who have overslept.

As your son was still asleep, you expect the driving instructor to sit there waiting while your son gets up, gets dressed, cleans teeth etc after he had woken him up!

Your son needs to make sure he is ready and waiting next time.

Yes, that is also common sense, and I agree with everything you say, including that it's not the instructor's fault (or anyone else's, why would it be?).
But it can also be reasonable to walk a few paces and knock on, since you're there, at the same time. The same as it probably wouldn't be reasonable for the instructor to go ahead with the lesson if student was half asleep, or if the student was not going to be able to get ready, was not apologetic, etc.

At least finding out what's happening is reasonable imo but I'm obviously very very unreasonable by everyone else's standards. I stand by it! 😁

I used to be a driving instructor. I didn’t mind ringing the bell, but in some places, it meant I’d be at risk of a parking ticket if I left the car, so I usually called a pupil’s phone to let them know I was there. With blocks of flats, sometimes the pupil had a long way to come to the car. I never relied on teenagers to keep their appointments - most of them had never done this in their lives; and incidentally, I found it was the wealthier ones who were often hopeless at life admin.

The first school I was with charged for cancellations, but also said “every effort will be made to contact the pupil”. So I did consider it my duty to ring the doorbell if it came to it. I hated charging for lessons that didn’t happen.

As for your DS being asleep, I quickly learned that if a pupil was five minutes out of bed, they were in no fit state to drive. I used to say to teenagers having morning lessons “get up in good time, and have some breakfast!”

Of course he should knock or ring. Or call? What is wrong with people? He gets paid regardless.

Trust me, that's not a telling off

But if DS was still in bed anyway that would mean he would be nowhere near ready to have a lesson - not washed/shaved/teeth cleaned/had breakfast - being in charge of a motor vehicle takes concentration and commitment - your DS lacks both.

"What and then the instructor just wants around whilst he gets up and ready?" Quite. More likely the poor instructor will have to share his car with an unwashed youngster - no thanks!

Yeah, but some people just look to blame others, rather than their own offspring.

So does he not know how to set an alarm?

Even if he did ring the doorbell, what difference would it have made?
Your ds needed to do the bare minimum to get up -sprung out of bed, gone to the loo, brushed his teeth, had a drink of water, got changed- let alone wake up enough to drive a car, what, all while the DI waited in the car?

I suggest you take a step back from doing things for your DS because you’re setting him up to fail.

If he’s old enough to be doing driving lessons he’s old enough to set his own alarm or multiple if needed. You shouldn’t be thinking that you should have to wake him.

He needs to take responsibility for his own life and admin and realise that it’s not ok to mess people around like this.

I’ve put YABU because your DS should have been up, but I HATE IT when people text “I’m outside”. So lazy and unfriendly. I often text back “That’s nice, come to the door then” 😂 why are people afraid to get out their cars?

Or even worse the text says “Outside” - rude!

I am not a 'morning person'; certain aspects of life are more difficult for me than for those who are, but it's my problem to deal with. I would never rely on anyone else to wake me up or expect them to wait for me if I did not show up on time for an appointment. And yes, the key to getting up on time is to go to bed at a sensible hour.

Driving instructors wait in the car outside

common practice

Everyone is assuming a DI can park directly outside the house so he can get out of the car and just walk up the garden path to the front door to ring the bell