To expect a driving instructor to ring the doorbell?

[NotTonightDeidre]

Just that really. DS missed a driving lesson this morning because he wasn't awake. The driving instructor text him to say he was outside. He didn't call his phone or ring our doorbell.

I get that it's DS' responsibility to be at the lesson, but if it were me I'd just ring/knock when it's a pick up from home.

Is it really that unreasonable to get out of the car & walk 10 steps to the front door?

Why should anyone else be expected to wake a 17 year old up?

fwiw I learnt to drive over 40 years ago, mobile phones weren’t even commercially available then so no calling or texting. The instructor never left the car, I had to be ready to go and get in. Some of my lessons he’d pick up from outside the school gates so I had to be there ready and waiting

People are totally missing the point of the thread.

OP isn't asking if her son was in the wrong or not. She acknowledged he is!!! And obviously he is!

She's asked if it's unreasonable that the instructor didn't try calling or knocking when son didn't respond to a text, before leaving.

I think it's completely reasonable to give someone a quick call if I can see a text hasn't been read, or if I'm outside their door I'd knock on before leaving. But I'm clearly in the minority! It's only the son that's lost out, personally if I was the instructor I'd want to give them an opportunity to salvage the lesson.

@NotTonightDeidre how long did the instructor wait? I guess that also is a factor.

They don’t knock. It’s your son’s fault and it’s a valuable life lesson. I wish more people did this instead of constantly pandering to others.

If I do a home visit, knock and nobody is in, I'd call them to double check before leaving.

no.
The DI isn't providing that kind of service. He is providing a service that the DS needs to be ready for.

So am I?

But that doesn’t answer the question of why your son wasn’t awake and ready to go anyway. He’s the one you should be having a go at.
Presumably the lesson will have to be paid for anyway.

Teach your DS to have something, road rules related, prepared to read through while he waits for his lesson. The instructor would sometimes have valid reasons as to why they can not be exactly on time arriving at your home.

However, your son needs to always be five minutes early.

I disagree. It’s indicative of our society. Someone messes up and instantly it’s who else can we blame? To you it’s a quick call but this driving instructor will have many many young people as clients and needs to set firm boundaries. If you’re not up and ready to go then you miss your lesson. Lesson - be up and be ready to go.

I imagine they don't ring doorbells because it then puts them in the awkward position of having to wait for a person who isn't ready.
There is no way your son would have been ready for his lesson and the instructor would have been waiting around wasting valuable time. Their time is money and the expectation is that the student will be ready and waiting.

I guess if you don't like it then your only option is to take your money elsewhere but I think you will find all driving instructors operate in the same way.

How rude of your son.
Hope he's paying for that one himself and it's not your money wasted.

If the lesson was paid for then I would have expected him to wait.

Yes, your DS should have been up but sometimes these things happen. If you had paid for the 1 hour/2 hours and have lost your money I would have expected him to knock on but then tell your DS he wouldn't do it in the future

People aren’t missing the point of the thread.

The instructor waited outside for DS at the agreed time. He even then sent a text message.

Why should he chase up DS when it’s DS’s responsibility to be up and awake.

No wonder they say the kids of today have anxiety and no resilience.

I can guarantee that DS will now not miss another lesson.
This will also help prepare him for job interviews, working life and other appointments.

If the instructor had rang the doorbell until DS woke up, then waited for him to get ready and finally start his lesson, then DS would not have learnt anything from missing his alarm.

The test is delivered by someone else.
They’re not going to text and ring DS if he’s not ready.

None of this fault lies with the instructor.
He arrived on time and even sent DS a text.
He should not be chasing him any further.

Fair enough, I accept your point.
For me it is more about making the most of the time.
I get a lot of no shows in the NHS and I'd rather call them to check before wasting the appointment time.
Also life happens and sometimes people are late / forget as a one off, but can still salvage some of their appointment. They get reduced time as a result though and get discharged for any future no shows.
But I see your point about setting expectations. Different for a driving lesson where he's just slept in.

I still maintain in this situation I'd just knock on though 😂 for the sake of not wasting my hour / however long is remaining til their next appointment.

That's a bit harsh, if he was paid for the full lesson upfront.

I agree the son should have been up and OP acknowledges that but if the lesson was paid for I would expect to give him a call or something.

Same thought crossed my mind!

I would never have expected my driving instructor to have come to get me. Their responsibility is to be there ready for the lesson and the learner should be ready and waiting to go.

OP is definitely focussing on the wrong issue here - the only person responsible for missing the lesson is OP's son.

Being asleep when the lesson was due to start?? If you're old enough to be in charge of a tonne of metal on the roads, you should be responsible enough to be able to get your arse out of bed in time for an appointment.

@Tropicalturnip it's common sense for the customer to be ready for his appointment. Expecting the service provider to pander to him and sit in a confined space with an unwashed teenager? 🤢
Trying to place any kind of blame on the customers instructor and his father is not common sense.

Who would go to sleep while waiting for driving instructor? I think your son is having you on.

Say the instructor did ring the doorbell - while your DS was sleeping, not preparing for the expected lesson. He would have been groggy and still half asleep when opening the door. Not the best state to be in on driving lesson number 3, is it?

Your DS was V unreasonable for not being at the very least conscious for his lesson at the time he scheduled it.

Good Grief! Yes an expensive life lesson but one that should be for your DS !

You want a someone who is offering a service to tell her son off, Because the op paid for it is that what you are saying ?

No never. They always waited in their car.

This, exactly 💯

Not sure how long he waited.

Yes, the instructor still got paid (payment is up front)

DS is usually reasonably responsible. He has a part time job & doing A-levels.

I didn't say it wasn't his fault. I just said I thought the instructor might have rung the bell. I would if it were me. Evidently this is not the case.

DS doesn't know my thoughts, DH has spoken to him & told him he messed up and to learn from it.

Not what I said. I would have, out of courtesy, gave him a knock. I'd have then said you get that one for free but make sure you are up and ready next or something along them lines. Especially if I had been paid for a 2 hour lesson.

This in spades.
Your DS is going to have to learn some harsh lessons regarding timekeeping for work and how alarms work. Trying to excuse poor teenage behaviour really doesn’t help in terms of life as employers won’t put up with nonsense about not hearing alarms etc.

He’s old enough to get himself up and ready for an appointment. If you don’t believe he’s capable of that I would suggest he’s not mature enough to learn to drive.