To ask a parent to move their buggy from a café so I can sit down?

[TheUmberFawn]

Went to a busy café at lunchtime. One table was occupied by a mum with a large pram taking up the space of two chairs. There were no other free tables, so I asked politely if she could move it so I could sit. She gave me a dirty look and mumbled something about needing space. I get that babies come with stuff but why should that mean no one else can sit? AIBU for asking?

To be fair I completely agree. You sound unhinged, with such vitriol directed at people just doing normal people things, with their babies. No one is expecting special treatment. Mothers are allowed to be in public with their babies.

Good for them. This place clearly doesn't.

And many cafés need the young mum business. Or are long sighted enough to see turning away mums with young children means they'll find somewhere else and still be going elsewhere in 5 years time when the babies are in school.

Your local coffee place has a “no mums” rule in reality.

YABU to want to share her table since the other seat effectively was her child's, given there was nowhere else. Also, if she was going to breastfeed (you don't know that she wasn't) she would want a bit more personal space.

What is the reason in this scenario for the baby to be banned from the cafe?

Wow, how you get 'vitreol' from an explanation of a situation is v creative.
Yes, their behaviour was selfish; they unilaterally took over the coffee shop and spread out to the extent that actually moving around the shop was a hazard, but apart from commenting about the selfishness of that, the vitreol is all in your mind.

Depending on the pram you can’t just fold it? Also was the baby in it?! In which case the baby was in a ‘seat’ at the table.

Yes, you are being very unreasonable ,very rude and entitled. You don't just plonk your arse at a table where someone else is sitting. She might have been about to take the baby out of the pram, she might have been waiting for someone. You sound obnoxious, I wouldn't want to share a table with someone like you OP. How dare you demand that she move her pram, for you to sit at her table!

You're not unreasonable to ask to share a table (although many people would still tell you no, they don't want to share a small, 2 person table with a stranger), but I think YABU to ask her to move her pram and baby and get a high chair so you can sit down.

Actually if you read the OP’s post properly, she didn’t ‘tell’ her to move the pram so she could sit down. She actually asked and was told the space was needed. Nowhere in the post did OP say she sat down at the table.

Very unreasonable, sounds like she was only taking up the space of one chair! It’s not just the pram either she probably had all her stuff and shopping in it and stuff she’d need for the baby like wipes and food depending how old the baby was. Where were you expecting her to put the buggy? Have you ever tried manouvering or folding up a buggy while holding your baby at the same time?
And also why on earth would you think it’s ok to sit with a stranger on a 2 person table?! I’d absolutely hate that if I was just having a nice coffee by myself. Just wait or get takeaway!

I’m not surprised she was grumbly about it OP, I can’t imagine ever asking to share someone’s table with them, I wouldn’t even share a public bench with someone let alone a space I’d paid to use. People aren’t comfortable to sit with strangers, especially with their children!

Where was the baby going to go?
If in a highchair would you have bought the mum a new coffee as it would have gone cold by the time you'd done all that.
If on mum's lap do you not think the mum just wanted a bit of chill time and the possibility of using both hands for a change.

Read the Ops post at 22.29
The Op fully intended to sit at the same 2 person table with the Mum and Baby. The buggy is where the second chair would be.

No consideration of where the baby was meant to go. Or where the buggy was meant to go.

YABVU. I would never. She was actually so nice. I would have just said straight up no, my pram is at my table that Im occupying with my child. Unless someone had a disability or something I would not make space on my table. 2 people for a 2 people table. Even if that’s normal for you that is defo not the norm generally.

@TheUmberFawn
So what did you eventually do.
After the Mum said no to moving the pram and sharing her table?

I wish I could retract my YANBU because having read the updates, I now believe you've been awfully unreasonable and unpleasant to boot.

There were two people at a two person table- the lady and the baby. You wouldn't be unreasonable to say 'would you mind me sitting at your table until a space becomes free' but she wouldn't be unreasonable to say 'actually no, I'm sitting here with my baby'. I'd definitely be saying no to a stranger sitting at two person table with me and expecting me to balance baby and all the stuff that comes with a baby while trying to enjoy my drink or food.

I’ve read all the OP’s updates. Nowhere did she say that she sat down at the table. She asked and was refused. So many posters projecting outrage at things the OP didn’t actually say or do. It was a crowded cafe, she asked to share a table and the answer was no.

It was a two person table and there were two people sitting at it. Her and her baby. You were very rude.

Your error is posting this on mumsnet not Reddit. I can find countless threads on her OP where people have asked about sharing cafe tables and the majority have said if it is busy and you have free seats then you should share, but because you have mentioned “buggy” all of a sudden you are in the wrong.

I posted recently about how my parents never help me out in emergencies, but go above and beyond to help my brother because he has kids- but then they want me to help them out- but won’t ask the same of brother. People were telling me, that’s just the way things should be because “kids”. There is a level of hypocrisy on mumsnet which people are completely comfortable with and the community reinforces.

Whether her child sits on a chair or in a high chair or in a pram is none of your business. Perhaps you should have considered whether there was a spare table before you bought your drink.

It’s got nothing to do with the “buggy” and everything to do with 2 people already using the table. The baby either needed to be in the buggy or in a highchair, both options take up the space that the other chair would have.
It’s not reasonable for the mother to have to hold her baby while trying to eat her lunch or drink her coffee because OP thinks she deserves the space more than the baby already using it.

I think it is pretty common to ask if it is a super busy cafe. I have done so politely and then sat and turned away a bit so I’m not invading their space. If they said no I would absolutely not insist. I certainly would never just demand to sit. I have has plenty of people ask to join me whilst sitting alone. Doesn’t normally bother me but I understand why the last in this story perhaps wanted a bit more space.

YABU. Just wait for a table or take our food to go if you can't wait.

Why squeeze onto a 2 person table with her and her baby? If the cafe is busy she's probably done the right thing getting her buggy tucked in by the table rather than leaving it in a through way to trip people up.