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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving 16 month old for a week?

128 replies

1FirstTimeMum897 · 06/04/2025 20:40

Huge wedding on DH's side of the family, a long flight away. We really want to go. My parents would come stay at ours a few weeks before so baby is used to them. So then baby (or are they a toddler at that age?) will be left with my parents and in the day his nanny (who he loves) will come as usual. I'm breastfeeding but planning to be done by then anyway. I'm terribly nervous about this idea, any advice how to make it easier for DS? He's only 8 months now but the flight tickets are incredibly expensive, we need to decide soon.

I think taking him with us and subjecting him to an 11 hour flight is more cruel than leaving him for a week.

OP posts:
FanofLeaves · 06/04/2025 20:45

I think it’ll be alright. I’m a nanny, and in this situation I’d be confident it would be okay. He has solid caregivers to be with him and crucially, the same routine in familiar surroundings - that’s important. Not much to do to prepare him but one thing that’s quite nice is having a photo book of all the important people in his life that he can look through or pictures on his bedroom wall to look at- he won’t forget you obviously but it’ll be a nice pointer, and the nanny/GP can say ‘oh yes that’s mummy and daddy, they’re in xxxx but they love you and will see you soon’

Muddlingthroughsomehow · 06/04/2025 20:47

I've been leaving my son for a week at a time regularly for work since he was 7 months. Honestly he was fine, it was harder for me due to the guilt. He is now 9 and we have an incredibly strong, loving relationship and I'm proud of how independent he is. If he is with his nanny who he has a strong relationship with I'm sure he will be fine

tonyhawks23 · 06/04/2025 20:50

Id just send DH.

fourelementary · 06/04/2025 20:55

I’d take him. Go with family and a long flight can be shared with other adults- and they’ll also enjoy having him at the wedding surely? A week is a long time to leave and too many issues could arise which i would not be happy being 11 hours away (or a full day really by the time you organised emergency flight etc.)

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 06/04/2025 20:57

If you’re happy he’ll be happy, look after yourself and you’ll have a happy child, he’ll be well looked after

Inspiremeaholiday · 06/04/2025 20:58

Take the baby with you! 11 hours isn’t that bad if it’s direct.

Original poster
1FirstTimeMum897 · 06/04/2025 21:01

@fourelementary we did this flight at 6 months and it was horrific. He didn't adapt to the new environment at all. He refused to breastfeed the whole flight. He slept terribly the entire 2 weeks there. DH's family were nice but useless. All parenting was left to us but in a foreign, unhelpful environment surrounded by people who thought a baby is some performing monkey.

I don't really want a repeat of that.

The person getting married is very dear to us so we want to make the effort for them.

OP posts:
SaladSandwichesForTea · 06/04/2025 21:03

Big no from me. Babies are prone to getting ill, even just coughs and colds, and being 11+ hours away should anything happen would be torture for me.

An 11 hour flight is fine, we did it (without screens, so if you chucked some cbeebies at him, you're laughing).

It's also a bit much of an ask for grandparents to come for the best part of 3 weeks, even if they are prepared to do it.

Original poster
1FirstTimeMum897 · 06/04/2025 21:06

@SaladSandwichesForTea the grandparents are absolutely buzzing about it, it was actually their idea! They'll have the nanny day to day so it's not like they're doing everything anyway.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 06/04/2025 21:07

I wouldn’t do it, no chance. But I was still bf both of mine regularly at 16 months. I’d take him or not go.

You seem sure you’ll leave him so not sure why you’re asking?

strawberrywishes · 06/04/2025 21:07

I went on holiday for a week when DD was 15 months old, I stressed about it for months and almost didn't go but she was absolutely fine! I think the key is sticking to normal routine, other than me not being here everything else was the same so she coped really well.

SchoolDilemma17 · 06/04/2025 21:08

An 11 hour flight is not cruel. Don’t be dramatic. Personally I think going without him is worse for a toddler than a long haul flight (and yes I have taken my kids long haul from a very small age).

Annettecurtaintwitcher · 06/04/2025 21:08

its fine to do this if you want to and feel comfortable doing it. There are plenty of parents who cannot contemplate a single night away from their child and plenty who can, so it just depends which you are really!

MumChp · 06/04/2025 21:08

I wouldn't leave a young child for a week to take part in a party, no.
DH would go as it's his family.

StillweriseLH · 06/04/2025 21:09

16 months is fine…. I’m a bit surprised at all the “absolutely not” comments.

fine to leave him, or fine to take him. “Subject” and “cruel” are pretty strong words for an airplane trip.

FeministThrowingAPrincessParty · 06/04/2025 21:09

I had to leave my daughter for a week when she was around 18 months old. It was for a work trip so my DH (her Dad) looked after her. My parents came to stay as well and she went into nursery a few days as usual. I’ve done similar a few times. She has been absolutely fine. Obviously we miss each other but it’s a small gap in a relationship where our lives otherwise revolve around her. Your plan sounds like a good one and the fact that you want to go is a good sign that you are managing parenting well. I could barely think a week ahead at 8 months so well done! Follow your gut.

Ponderingwindow · 06/04/2025 21:12

I was still breastfeeding frequently at 16 months. I would not have left my toddler for a week.

doodleschnoodle · 06/04/2025 21:13

This is a very personal decision for you and your husband.

Personally, I wouldn’t leave a child that young with neither parent at home, but that doesn’t really help you with your decision! We have divided and conquered in similar situations with kids being so young, where the person whose ‘occasion’ it is is the one who goes and the other parent stays home. We are more comfortable doing that as neither us feel happy leaving very young kids for an extended time with neither parent around. Older kids a different matter,

But if all involved are comfortable with it (unfortunately no way to really know if a 16mo will be) then that’s just a parental decision to make.

Eenameenadeeka · 06/04/2025 21:13

I'd much rather bring the toddler on a flight, it's a very long time to leave them and they won't understand where you are or when you'll be back. Plus it sounds like they don't know your parents very well either. I think I'd send husband alone in this scenario if you really don't want to bring baby.

REDB99 · 06/04/2025 21:14

It sounds fine to me, he’ll be well looked after with familiar people. Don’t let the ridiculous ‘I would never leave my child’ brigade dissuade you. It’s ages away, you’ve got loads of time to plan for it and if you needed to get back you could. You can face time your child so he’ll ‘see’ you. If you felt a week was too long could you go for 3 or 4 nights and husband for 7? Enjoy the wedding of someone you clearly care about.

I’ll also add that the parents I know who never left their children when they were younger or had them sleep at grandparents houses are the same ones who now despair that their child won’t go to a sleep over or on a school residential. 😂

Odras · 06/04/2025 21:16

Of course it is fine but I wouldn’t myself. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy being an 11 hour fight away. I’d be a bit of a worst case senario thinker though when it came to the kids being small.

Do you really want to go? That’s the only question you should ask yourself. A long haul flight isn’t cruel , I have done it successfully. I’d take him or send Dh but I wouldn’t really want to go.

Sanch1 · 06/04/2025 21:18

I would do it if all involved are happy. I can’t believe the amount of people that are saying definitely not! Child will be 16 months not days or weeks. And all families and children are different.

SaladSandwichesForTea · 06/04/2025 21:26

1FirstTimeMum897 · 06/04/2025 21:06

@SaladSandwichesForTea the grandparents are absolutely buzzing about it, it was actually their idea! They'll have the nanny day to day so it's not like they're doing everything anyway.

If you've already made up your mind, just go and stop worrying (not meant snarkily at all).

I wasn't thinking about the effort of looking after a child for a week even with nights etc, but more just the being away from home for almost a month. But you know them best (again, not meant snarkily as I absolutely want to be that sort of grandparent 😀) x

lunar1 · 06/04/2025 21:29

I wouldn’t, it’s a very long journey home if you need to get back quickly.

Summergarden · 06/04/2025 21:30

No way, not for so long at such young an age.

Whichever of you has the blood relative getting married would make sense to go to be there for their close relative, the other parent stay home with their child.