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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving 16 month old for a week?

128 replies

1FirstTimeMum897 · 06/04/2025 20:40

Huge wedding on DH's side of the family, a long flight away. We really want to go. My parents would come stay at ours a few weeks before so baby is used to them. So then baby (or are they a toddler at that age?) will be left with my parents and in the day his nanny (who he loves) will come as usual. I'm breastfeeding but planning to be done by then anyway. I'm terribly nervous about this idea, any advice how to make it easier for DS? He's only 8 months now but the flight tickets are incredibly expensive, we need to decide soon.

I think taking him with us and subjecting him to an 11 hour flight is more cruel than leaving him for a week.

OP posts:
CrazyCatMam · 06/04/2025 23:32

I left my DD with my mother for a week when she was 1. All went well.

She’s now 16 and a pita. No one will have her and even if they would, I wouldn’t subject anyone to her!

Go now while you can!

Tbrh · 06/04/2025 23:33

Can't you take the grandparents or nanny with you?

Anon501178 · 06/04/2025 23:35

At that age, definitely not...sometimes young children just need mummy and also whilst it's probably unlikely babies can get ill really fast, putting that amount of space between you and him just seems risky incase there is an emergency.

I think your options should be either DH goes alone or you all go.
He will always be better off wherever in the world but with mummy there than at home but without you.
There are nuances we have as mums that babies and children just get used to....however close relationships they have with relatives, it can't compare to that.And a week is a long time in their little lives.

Wibblywobblybobbly · 06/04/2025 23:41

No way I could have done that personally. Why not go and take the nanny with you if they're up for it?.

Soonenough · 06/04/2025 23:42

Absolutely go. He will have a great time with loving grandparents, still in his routine with nanny . The fact that they are willing to come early to establish a bond means they are so on board with making him happy. You are leaving him with family. Don't take him it will change the whole dynamic of a trip . Go , enjoy and come back to a lovely reunion .

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/04/2025 01:30

Of course. He'll have a wonderful time with Grandparents and he'll be with the nanny during the day as usual.

We're leaving ours for a week in June and that's just for a holiday. DS will be 2.5 and twin DD's will be 14 months.

BubblegumGiraffe · 07/04/2025 02:47

I’d be more worried about being that distance away if anything went wrong than I would the period of time away. Don’t think I could do it personally.

Not sure on the details but what if the grandparents need to make any medical decisions on your behalf while you’re away and they end up in hospital etc? Anything you need to get in place for that?

Xcellentaligat · 07/04/2025 02:52

Personally I couldn’t have left one of mine at that age. I couldn’t face an 11 hour flight either, either with or without a toddler.

Spaceracers · 07/04/2025 02:57

No I wouldn't leave my child for that long or that distance at that age to go to a party on DH's side.Why is it that important for you to go? It's obviously a personal choice but I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it and I wouldn't enjoy myself.

Franjipanl8r · 07/04/2025 03:06

Your child will be absolutely fine! It’s more a case of whether you will be able to relax and enjoy yourself or not.

Doolallies · 07/04/2025 03:12

Personally I really wouldn’t. We took our 18 month old on our honeymoon with us (12 hour flight) and both of us didn’t want to do 10 days away from our child. We would both miss them too much and dc wouldn’t have been okay.

but you seem very certain you’re going to do it, so do it without needing approval from us lot!

leemare · 07/04/2025 03:31

It wouldn't appeal to me at all but then I'm still breastfeeding my 3yo and she's never stayed overnight without me. Have done 1-2 long haul flights with her every year and they were all fine, so don't see the big drama about that. But it sounds like you're fine with doing the trip and the baby won't remember, so just do what suits you.

rwalker · 07/04/2025 05:24

It’s a personal thing sounds like you have everything covered just go

Swiftie1878 · 07/04/2025 05:26

Am sure the baby will be fine, but I couldn’t do it! Would miss them too much and be miserable.

Userxyd · 07/04/2025 05:50

I haven’t replied cos I’m in the middle - I think DC would be ok but you’d desperately miss them after 1 day and then you’d have 6 more days to go?! Why so long? Plus you’d be a stranger to DC when you got back and they’d be pining for your parents. I’d take them - flights will be fine! - or go for 3 days max.

Pippa12 · 07/04/2025 06:07

I think your toddler will be absolutely fine and well cared for- no problem.

Personally, I really struggled being away from my children for more than a couple of nights so that length of time would be a no for me. I simply wouldn’t enjoy the trip.

There’s no right or wrong answer. Neither decision makes you a good or bad parent. It’s just what works for your personalities.

mrssunshinexxx · 07/04/2025 06:25

You’re asking for opinions so I’ll give mine. The only way I’d be away from my baby / toddler / child for a week is if I was in prison.

LeCygneNoir · 07/04/2025 06:59

Take the nanny…this is the obvious solution.

JamJarJane · 07/04/2025 07:13

LeCygneNoir · 07/04/2025 06:59

Take the nanny…this is the obvious solution.

Yes. Or the grandparents and make it a family holiday. My parents left me for two weeks when I was about that age. Family legend has it that I completely ignored them when they returned. They laugh about this, but clearly I must have shut down because the whole thing was so overwhelming. No, we are not close.

cramptramp · 07/04/2025 07:15

I’d do it. His grandparents will thoroughly enjoy looking after him and he’ll have a great time with them. It’s only a week. I definitely wouldn’t take a child on an 11 hour flight.

Didimum · 07/04/2025 07:19

I’d definitely go. Your toddler will be fine. There will be a lot of women here projecting how they feel about this topic onto you, but you should make up your mind about your own feelings.

Zanatdy · 07/04/2025 07:20

personally I wouldn’t leave a child that young with both parents an 11hr flight away. I left my DC many times, but always with their dad. I wouldn’t mind a trip to Europe for both parents when baby was around 2, but no way we would have both gone that far. I’d take baby with me, or send DH. It’s your call though, and i’m sure baby would be absolutely fine, but it would stress me out being so far away.

Didimum · 07/04/2025 07:21

LeCygneNoir · 07/04/2025 06:59

Take the nanny…this is the obvious solution.

Not really that obvious. That’s prohibitively expensive even to most people who have a nanny.

Babyenroute · 07/04/2025 07:22

I think you should take him…. He will be 16mo vs 6mo so the flight will be very different. Not cruel to take him at all. I would never have left for a whole week at that age

bettydavieseyes · 07/04/2025 07:25

It sounds like the family 11 hours away have zero interest in your baby. If you go then all your emotions about leaving your baby will be inside you because that side of the family wouldn't understand. It's that element which would make me not want to go. A week is too long for a wedding? Why not 3-4 days? As you are BF you can't be sure you won't be at 16 months, even if you have mainly stopped you might still do a bedtime feed. You never know how you will feel in the future.
Personally I wouldn't leave my DC at their current ages (8 and 10) for a whole week, let alone a toddler. That's probably because I never have used any childcare beyond their grandad/big sister for the odd night or a holiday club for one of them. I don't have your choices so this is probably I feel this way. A week sounds wild in my world where I'm with them mainly full time.
Ultimately this decision is up to you though, it sounds like childcare is very much covered so you have the privilege of making a choice.
Why can't you take the nanny? This is the obvious solution!
Whatever you decide, I think the baby will be OK. It's you I'm thinking of, I think you'll find it rough.

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