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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving 16 month old for a week?

128 replies

1FirstTimeMum897 · 06/04/2025 20:40

Huge wedding on DH's side of the family, a long flight away. We really want to go. My parents would come stay at ours a few weeks before so baby is used to them. So then baby (or are they a toddler at that age?) will be left with my parents and in the day his nanny (who he loves) will come as usual. I'm breastfeeding but planning to be done by then anyway. I'm terribly nervous about this idea, any advice how to make it easier for DS? He's only 8 months now but the flight tickets are incredibly expensive, we need to decide soon.

I think taking him with us and subjecting him to an 11 hour flight is more cruel than leaving him for a week.

OP posts:
AxolotlEars · 06/04/2025 21:31

I wouldn't do it

AlisounOfBath · 06/04/2025 21:35

I’ve never left my kids for that long, let alone a baby. How do you think you’re going to explain where Mummy has gone? Too many people think babies don’t notice exactly who’s looking after them and that the adults in their lives are interchangeable. How is he going to feel when you vanish from his life for a week? Sure, you know you’ll be back but he doesn’t. I’m not sure you’d enjoy yourself either tbh. Send your DH.

Lubilu02 · 06/04/2025 21:37

If it was just the flight time concerning you, could you find an evening/night flight?

It's an age where they are able to get themselves around alot quicker and are able to get themselves into mischief quite quickly.

I'm sure the nanny would be fine, it would be the abilities of the grandparents I'd want to be sure of. The needing to be physically fit and well is an important one with a child of that age.

HereintheloveofChristIstand · 06/04/2025 21:37

Do it OP and have a wonderful time.

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 06/04/2025 21:40

SaladSandwichesForTea · 06/04/2025 21:03

Big no from me. Babies are prone to getting ill, even just coughs and colds, and being 11+ hours away should anything happen would be torture for me.

An 11 hour flight is fine, we did it (without screens, so if you chucked some cbeebies at him, you're laughing).

It's also a bit much of an ask for grandparents to come for the best part of 3 weeks, even if they are prepared to do it.

She knows her baby you don’t she’s says the flight won’t work, plus the grandparents are happy to stay therefore not a big ask

TheGrimSmile · 06/04/2025 21:41

Absolutely no way from me. It's so far and he won't understand where you have gone to, or if you're coming back. Everyone is different but I don't think you will enjoy it. Either take him with you or send DH.

bridgetreilly · 06/04/2025 21:41

It’s really fine to leave him for a week by then. Enjoy the trip!

Original poster
1FirstTimeMum897 · 06/04/2025 21:41

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/04/2025 21:07

I wouldn’t do it, no chance. But I was still bf both of mine regularly at 16 months. I’d take him or not go.

You seem sure you’ll leave him so not sure why you’re asking?

@AnneLovesGilbert I haven't made up my mind! Taking him is not an option. It's leave him or not go at all.

OP posts:
Aitchemarsey · 06/04/2025 21:49

AlisounOfBath · 06/04/2025 21:35

I’ve never left my kids for that long, let alone a baby. How do you think you’re going to explain where Mummy has gone? Too many people think babies don’t notice exactly who’s looking after them and that the adults in their lives are interchangeable. How is he going to feel when you vanish from his life for a week? Sure, you know you’ll be back but he doesn’t. I’m not sure you’d enjoy yourself either tbh. Send your DH.

Edited

The logic of this is - Mummy being away = emotional torture. Daddy being away = indifference?

fifi1989 · 06/04/2025 21:51

Both of you for a week at 16 months - absolutely not. I actually can't believe you're even considering it.

DearBee · 06/04/2025 21:57

1FirstTimeMum897 · 06/04/2025 21:01

@fourelementary we did this flight at 6 months and it was horrific. He didn't adapt to the new environment at all. He refused to breastfeed the whole flight. He slept terribly the entire 2 weeks there. DH's family were nice but useless. All parenting was left to us but in a foreign, unhelpful environment surrounded by people who thought a baby is some performing monkey.

I don't really want a repeat of that.

The person getting married is very dear to us so we want to make the effort for them.

Edited

All parenting was left to you? Well yes, you are the parents, ultimately. I'm sure the two of you can manage your kid without the nanny for a week.

Of course it's not more cruel to take your child on an eleven hour flight than to leave them without you for a week.

I think this is actually about your enjoyment and convenience, not your child's. Might as well own that. If you want to go then go, but don't make out this is the right thing for your child. Of course it's not ok to leave a child that age for a week, unless you absolutely must (e.g. hospital, an unavoidable work trip, etc).

waterrat · 06/04/2025 21:59

I have to say there is no way I would leave a child that young the other side of the world (11 hour flight plus all the travel to airport etc ) without one parent with them

My 5 Yr old nearly died of pneumonia and went from a bit unwell to septic in the space of a day. Kids absolutely can plummet when sick

Babies.get bugs viruses then they need mum or dad.

They are only little a short while. I wld just let dad go.

BeTaupeBear · 06/04/2025 22:05

I still BF my DS 3 times a day and overnight and he’s 15 months old … I never thought I would still be BFing still but honestly it works well for us so I don’t know if you can be certain you won’t be by then

gertrudebiggles · 06/04/2025 22:06

Personally? Not a chance could I do this. I'd struggle to leave my 16 month old for 2 nights. It wouldn't even cross my mind to go without them TBH, they'd be coming with. I'd schedule the flight to try and ensure they'd be sleeping e.g. 9pm flight.

Oh and as a PP said, I'm still very much BFing now at 16 months; day and night. It works well for us and I'd be annoyed if I had to stop for a wedding.

SemmaLina · 06/04/2025 22:12

I wouldn’t have left my baby ( toddler ) at that age for that length of time , and DH would not have wanted to be away from us either
For work , yes , unavoidable , but for a holiday / wedding .. no

Girltoddler · 06/04/2025 22:17

1FirstTimeMum897 · 06/04/2025 21:41

@AnneLovesGilbert I haven't made up my mind! Taking him is not an option. It's leave him or not go at all.

Show quote history

Your husband goes and you stay at home with the baby. A night would be fine, but a few days is too much. Your child will be confused and upset because he will think that you’re not coming back.

Sometimeswinning · 06/04/2025 22:21

Girltoddler · 06/04/2025 22:17

Your husband goes and you stay at home with the baby. A night would be fine, but a few days is too much. Your child will be confused and upset because he will think that you’re not coming back.

Show quote history

Yeah and when he’s older and doing drugs/county lines/stealing you can trace it all the way back to when you left him with his loving grandparents and nanny.

This is personal. No one can say how you will feel in 8 months. If you couldn’t leave him for that long now it won’t make much difference when he’s 16 months. If you’d be ok doing it now book those tickets.

SaladSandwichesForTea · 06/04/2025 22:33

An alternative might be to bring the nanny?

Coconutter24 · 06/04/2025 22:38

It’s not about what anyone thinks is ok, it’s what you and DH feel about it. I left my 20 month old for 4 nights but with her dad. I wouldn’t have both of us gone away but that’s just how I feel. It’s what you’re comfortable with.

minuette1 · 06/04/2025 22:44

My eldest is 8 years old and I would not leave him for a week, a couple of days fine, but a week feels too long, especially being so far away, so I can't imagine leaving a toddler for a week. He will have no idea why you have gone or if you are coming back. Far more cruel to do that than take them on a long flight..And yes I know some people have no choice for whatever reason to leave their young child for a week but that's not the case here.

Tandora · 06/04/2025 22:46

This is a totally personal decision based on what you feel comfortable with. Personally this would be an absolute no way for me at that age.

Lunchwoes · 06/04/2025 22:49

I'm sure it will all be fine if you leave him but I'm another one who would just take him. 16 months is totally different to 6 months when you last took him.

NorthernGirl1981 · 06/04/2025 22:55

I couldn’t do this, not to a country so far away!

How easily would you be able to get back if there was an emergency?

Maybe if you were going somewhere that was 1-2 hour flight away and there were regular flights to England each day in case you need to get back at short notice, but otherwise I just couldn’t be that far away from my child at such a young age.

A few years ago my son went away with his dad to a country that’s 8 hours away by plane (he was 6 at the time) and whilst he was there he started getting unwell and ended up having to taken to a hospital by ambulance. He was admitted to hospital for 4 days, having IV antibiotics and various other treatments for suspected sepsis. Due to being in ill health myself (hence why I hadn’t gone) I couldn’t go to the country to be with him and the physical pain that caused me was indescribable. I was absolutely terrified for him and I was distraught that I couldn’t be with him.

That kind of scenario is unlikely to happen, but there’s always a chance it could, and if you couldn’t get back to England to be with your baby it would be absolute torture for you.

Original poster
1FirstTimeMum897 · 06/04/2025 23:19

DearBee · 06/04/2025 21:57

All parenting was left to you? Well yes, you are the parents, ultimately. I'm sure the two of you can manage your kid without the nanny for a week.

Of course it's not more cruel to take your child on an eleven hour flight than to leave them without you for a week.

I think this is actually about your enjoyment and convenience, not your child's. Might as well own that. If you want to go then go, but don't make out this is the right thing for your child. Of course it's not ok to leave a child that age for a week, unless you absolutely must (e.g. hospital, an unavoidable work trip, etc).

Show quote history

@DearBee I was pre-empting comments that may say that since it's a family thing, being surrounded by DH's family will help, that's all. While they are all overall quite lovely and polite people, they had zero understanding or interest in the baby which made it quite stressful. I can't see that improving with a much more demanding 14 month old.

OP posts:
Heronwatcher · 06/04/2025 23:26

I just wouldn’t go for that long. The problem with leaving kids at that age is that they can’t understand properly what’s going on, your DD might think you’ve left for good. If it’s essential like work then it can’t be helped but this isn’t.

Far less cruel to take her on the plane (16 months is much easier IMO, she can eat snacks, play with toys, maybe watch a bit of iPad, and you say you won’t be breastfeeding by then) or if you must both go could you both, or one if you do a shorter period (4 days).