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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving 16 month old for a week?

128 replies

1FirstTimeMum897 · 06/04/2025 20:40

Huge wedding on DH's side of the family, a long flight away. We really want to go. My parents would come stay at ours a few weeks before so baby is used to them. So then baby (or are they a toddler at that age?) will be left with my parents and in the day his nanny (who he loves) will come as usual. I'm breastfeeding but planning to be done by then anyway. I'm terribly nervous about this idea, any advice how to make it easier for DS? He's only 8 months now but the flight tickets are incredibly expensive, we need to decide soon.

I think taking him with us and subjecting him to an 11 hour flight is more cruel than leaving him for a week.

OP posts:
CassandrasCastle · 07/04/2025 07:26

I'd leave him! Sounds a great set up - and I also think it's a mad reach by whoever said he'll have forgotten you and be pining for your parents 🙄

Mischance · 07/04/2025 07:28

It is difficult as you do not know how you will feel when the time comes. I would not leave my child for that length of time at that age and be so far away. I speak as a grandma who has cared for GC of that age and it is peak separation anxiety time.

TheatreTraveller · 07/04/2025 07:31

No way in hell would me and DH both me that far away from our children and for that long (I'd be ok with one of us) and ours are 4 and 7. Unthinkable to do that to a small toddler who won't be able to understand 😕
I genuinely don't understand how you could even contemplate it or why on earth you wouldn't want to take your child with you, we've travelled the world with our 2.

xanthomelana · 07/04/2025 07:48

SaladSandwichesForTea · 06/04/2025 21:03

Big no from me. Babies are prone to getting ill, even just coughs and colds, and being 11+ hours away should anything happen would be torture for me.

An 11 hour flight is fine, we did it (without screens, so if you chucked some cbeebies at him, you're laughing).

It's also a bit much of an ask for grandparents to come for the best part of 3 weeks, even if they are prepared to do it.

Where are you getting 3 weeks from? The title is literally a week?

SaladSandwichesForTea · 07/04/2025 08:10

xanthomelana · 07/04/2025 07:48

Where are you getting 3 weeks from? The title is literally a week?

Show quote history

Its in the OP, that grandparents will be coming beforehand:

"My parents would come stay at ours a few weeks before so baby is used to them"

PickledElectricity · 07/04/2025 08:15

Personally I would not. I left mine alone overnight with his dad and he was funny and clingy towards me the next day, can't imagine how it would have been for a week.

I can't think of anyone in my life that I would prioritise above my DC's needs.

MaggieLk · 07/04/2025 08:26

Goodness me, I left both my children on several occasions for up to a fortnight travelling for work. My DH was a house husband and looked after them. He even took one of them away when she was 9 months old for a trip home (we were living overseas at the time - a 12 hour flight away) and I needed to work. This was back in the 90's before mobile phones. Both are now happy adults!

Go and enjoy some child free time, it's not going to scar your child for life!

The grandparent sound more than capable and there is other support with the nanny.

BusMumsHoliday · 07/04/2025 08:28

I left my DCs who were 4yo and 17 months for 3 weeks for work. They spent some of that with DH looking after them and some with my DM and DF at their house. It was all fine. (I was a ten hour flight away so could not have returned easily had something gone wrong.)

17mo was a little funny with me for a few days after I came back but that was all. She's 2 now. I doubt she remembers it at all.

PussInBin20 · 07/04/2025 08:29

I would leave him. If he is with the Nanny who he spends a lot of time with anyway and keeps to the same routine, I think he’ll be fine.

I’m with you OP, I would never take a baby/toddler on a long haul (or even short haul) flight as I think kids don’t enjoy this and I do think this is much worse than leaving him at home in his own surroundings, usual routine with people he knows.

Plus, you won’t enjoy the wedding so much.

MissUltraViolet · 07/04/2025 08:41

OP, this is going to be a constant mixture of “oh my goodness I would/could never ever!!!” and “it’ll be fine, go for it.” There is no right or wrong answer, lots of people have to leave their young children for all sorts of reasons and lots of people wouldn’t no matter what.

Having grandparents come stay for a couple weeks before the trip sounds smart. DC will get used to them being around and will also have the comfort of the nanny every day who he already knows.

Sounds like between the three adults caring for him, he’ll be absolutely fine. If you’re worried is there any way to reduce the length of the trip by a day or two?

Dery · 07/04/2025 08:41

@1FirstTimeMum897 - as you’ve seen from this thread, some parents absolutely would not do this. Some parents absolutely would. It’s a personal choice. I think it’s absolutely fine in principle with the arrangements you’ve made. However, I do think I would struggle a bit with being so far away if something does go wrong. But it is extremely unlikely that anything will go wrong. I went away for a week with work when elder DD was a similar age, her father was working and she went to stay with her grandparents (very familiar to her because they live nearby) for the week. She seemed very happy. The only difference was that DH was only an hour away if needed and I was only in France.

MajorCarolDanvers · 07/04/2025 08:42

Baby will be fine and it’s an important occasion.

Coffeeishot · 07/04/2025 08:47

The posters that are using dramatic language to say how much they love their children and couldn't leave are just trying to make you feel guilty op, your parents are capable people your nanny is a professional go to the wedding.

BritishQueue · 07/04/2025 08:50

Some of these people who never leave their kids alone a day in their life baffle me. My 4 year old has always seen ex 3 days a week and gone on 2 week holidays with ex’s family without me. She’s fine and has never forgotten anyone.

ChateauProvence · 07/04/2025 08:59

Not a chance - obviously you want to so just do it not sure why you are asking for opinions obviously some people would and some wouldn’t it’s very personal

i wouldn’t want to be away from my baby for that long but it’s fine if you do. I don’t think the flight is cruel but personally I think leaving them for that long is but that’s just my opinion.

I would rather just send DH as for me the bride and grooms feelings wouldn’t be as important as my baby’s

Yesterdaywassunny · 07/04/2025 09:09

I think you should take him, and you and DH look afterbhim while you're there, as you know his family won't step up. You can even take turns having one to one time with him.

He'll be a whole year older than his first flight, so you have no idea how it will go. I think you need to bite the bullet and bring him, so that he gets to know your DHs family, or you'll keep having excueses not to go.

If you really think you can't manage him between the 2 of you, bring your nanny or your parents with you.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 07/04/2025 09:26

Nope! But I wouldn't leave my kids for a week now and they are 10 & 11... I would miss them too much and they would miss me!

luckylavender · 07/04/2025 10:09

I absolutely would go. DH & I went to China on holiday for a week when DC was 11 months. He stayed with grandparents ( it was their idea) and everything was great.
It's good for children to get used to other caregivers. Independence is a good thing.

Paulettamcgee · 07/04/2025 10:12

I would do it and have done it. 14 months rather than 16 months and I'd finished breastfeeding.

Was with my mum and childminder during the day as usual. When I came to pick DC up on my return, although happy to see me, they really weren't in a huge rush to come home. 20 years later they remain a happy, well adjusted person.

One week is a tiny amount out of a whole lifetime.

dontcryformeargentina · 07/04/2025 10:21

I wouldn’t. How can you prioritise the wedding over your dc needs?

FanofLeaves · 07/04/2025 10:23

There’s some really shitty comments here. God FORBID a mum reaches out for some advice on a parenting forum. Some posters are being ridiculously over dramatic. We are talking about leaving a toddler with a well established familiar support network for a week. She’s not proposing a six month backpacking trip ffs.

I’ve never done it myself but I’ve never had the invite or the option to have grandparents come and stay to help me out. I wouldn’t judge someone else doing it in the set up OP has described as a one off event, though.

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/04/2025 10:24

Personally, couldn’t have been so far away from our children when they were that young.

KittenPause · 07/04/2025 15:30

It’ll be fine

I left mine loads when they were babies with my parents because I had a lot of weddings to go to at that time

it meant my parents and my DC have always been really close. Plus my DM is more stringent than me so they have to abide by her funny little rules which amuses me. My parents loved looking after my DC for long periods of time because it gave them time to connect and get into a rhythm. Lots of great memories for both sides

KittenPause · 07/04/2025 15:37

By long periods of time I mean a night or 2. They had to look after DS for 2 weeks whilst I was in the spare room with debilitating morning sickness with DD. So even though I was there I wasn’t because I was ill.

KittenPause · 07/04/2025 15:41

I have to say my DC absolutely loved staying on their own with my parents from babies who in turn loved having them to stay on their own.

to me it’s really bizarre that PP are saying they couldn’t be away from their DC so young.

I mean my DC were in great hands bonding with their DGC. It worked for us.

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