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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving 16 month old for a week?

128 replies

1FirstTimeMum897 · 06/04/2025 20:40

Huge wedding on DH's side of the family, a long flight away. We really want to go. My parents would come stay at ours a few weeks before so baby is used to them. So then baby (or are they a toddler at that age?) will be left with my parents and in the day his nanny (who he loves) will come as usual. I'm breastfeeding but planning to be done by then anyway. I'm terribly nervous about this idea, any advice how to make it easier for DS? He's only 8 months now but the flight tickets are incredibly expensive, we need to decide soon.

I think taking him with us and subjecting him to an 11 hour flight is more cruel than leaving him for a week.

OP posts:
KittenPause · 07/04/2025 15:42

DGP

abricotine · 07/04/2025 15:44

dontcryformeargentina · 07/04/2025 10:21

I wouldn’t. How can you prioritise the wedding over your dc needs?

She isn’t. She has made a comprehensive plan to ensure her child’s needs are met by a loving grandparent!

go for it op. If you want to then sounds like you have it all in place.

BlondeMummyto1 · 07/04/2025 15:45

I wouldn’t but I say this as the one who is often babysitting. My nephews always struggle by the 2nd and 3rd day.

We had them for a long weekend recently and they don’t sleep or eat great away from their parents. It’s not as simple as saying oh but they’re with family.

Icanttakethisanymore · 07/04/2025 15:51

There are two separate issues -

Will the kid be ok? Yes, he will be with his nanny who he knows and his GPs who no doubt love him dearly and will look after him very well.
Are you happy to be away from him for a week? Only you know the answer to this.

As you can see, lots of people are saying 'no' but in most cases I would imagine it's because they wouldn't want to be away from their DP for a week, rather than because they think it would be detrimental to the child. If you want to go, go.

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/04/2025 15:53

BlondeMummyto1 · 07/04/2025 15:45

I wouldn’t but I say this as the one who is often babysitting. My nephews always struggle by the 2nd and 3rd day.

We had them for a long weekend recently and they don’t sleep or eat great away from their parents. It’s not as simple as saying oh but they’re with family.

Edited

That's going to largely depend on the children.

Mine continue to sleep and eat well when with family for long weekends.

Moveoverdarlin · 07/04/2025 15:55

I wouldn’t do this. I know the baby would survive but I wouldn’t be able to relax and I’d feel I was putting on the nanny and grandparents. If you need to get back quickly…well…you can’t.

Icanttakethisanymore · 07/04/2025 15:56

dontcryformeargentina · 07/04/2025 10:21

I wouldn’t. How can you prioritise the wedding over your dc needs?

🙄

I go away for the night with work. My DC is well looked after when I am not there. Am I prioritising my job over my DC's needs? Is any parent who ever spends time away from their child not prioritising their child's needs?

ButterCrackers · 07/04/2025 15:59

You could pump your breast milk to use during the week away and then pump and dump whilst you’re away. It’ll be fine as long as your parents are able to look after your child.

dontcryformeargentina · 07/04/2025 16:09

Icanttakethisanymore · 07/04/2025 15:56

🙄

I go away for the night with work. My DC is well looked after when I am not there. Am I prioritising my job over my DC's needs? Is any parent who ever spends time away from their child not prioritising their child's needs?

Show quote history

Don’t be ridiculous. OPs situation is completely different to yours. She is going away for 7 days together with her husband, 11 hours flight and dc is still a baby.

DoubleShotEspresso · 07/04/2025 16:18

I wouldn’t no.
If the wedding is DH’s family, surely the solution is for him to go?
A week is a very long time and though they’re happy doing so, I wouldn’t have been comfortable with such a big ask of grandparents.

Icanttakethisanymore · 07/04/2025 16:21

Yes but the principle is the same. You might find one situation acceptable and one not but really that if for individuals to decide where they draw the line.

She is meeting her child's needs by arranging for her parents to come and look him. Just like any parent does when they put their child in a nursery or go away for a night (in my case).

@dontcryformeargentina

Original poster
1FirstTimeMum897 · 07/04/2025 16:22

@DoubleShotEspresso it's my parents who are insisting I go!!! I cannot tell you how much they want to do it! I had said no, and told DH to go. He's already bought his ticket! My parents, DH and friends are all telling me to go. This is why I have started this thread. It's really tempting but also I'm so worried!

OP posts:
sillysmiles · 07/04/2025 16:22

You are people in your own right too, with connections and networks. That doesn't stop just because you have a child.
I think you should go and enjoy your time and let the gps enjoy their time.

I also think MN will always give you the "oh I bf until they were 5 and was never more that 5 minutes away from them" people who'll make you feel bad for farting in the wrong direction!

Book it, go, book travel insurance in case you need it and then enjoy the wedding.

Leanin9 · 07/04/2025 16:27

I think he’ll be fine (though probably upset after a few days or maybe at bedtime) but I wouldn’t want to be 11 hours away from him personally. That’s just my choice though, I don’t think it’s wrong if they have capable carers who they are comfortable with.
im not sure why taking him isn’t an option though, it didn’t work at 6m but at 16m he’ll not be breastfeeding, he’ll be a totally different child. Is taking the nanny an option for another pair of hands?

FanofLeaves · 07/04/2025 16:41

as a nanny I’ve looked after small children lots of times while their parents are away! They’ve all been absolutely fine and we do maybe one novelty or treat thing that they might not get to do with their parents (with their permission of course) you know, stay up a bit later for a movie night, or have a picnic at teatime under a home made den, eat lollies in the paddling pool, just something out of the ordinary. Other than that we keep to their routine. They know mummy/daddy comes back, same as when they go out to work in the morning.

in my experience what makes it worse is when the parents want to phone/facetine. For older children, they’re often not that great at phone conversation so they tend to be a bit monosyllabic or want to get on with whatever they were in the middle of doing which upsets the parents. For smaller ones they find it hard to understand why they can hear/see mummy or daddy interacting with them but they can’t get to them. It’s much easier to record a short video of you saying goodnight or reading a story and let the nanny use it as she sees fit.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 07/04/2025 17:37

I would do it and you have lots of time between then and now to start warming him up to it with overnight stays with GPs in charge. In your shoes I'd start that really soon as they start to develop separation anxiety around this age and if he's blissfully comfortable with GPs doing bed time and used to it in his own home it will be a piece of cake.

Sunshineclouds11 · 07/04/2025 19:40

My DD is 14 months and I can't imagine leaving her for a week tbh, esp 11 hours away should anything happen.

I've had a phone call from nursery today saying she's unwell and we're now in hospital with croup.
things can change very quickly.

I would either take him or not go.

Gustavo77 · 07/04/2025 19:44

You're his mother and that takes priority over going on a jolly. Either take him or don't go. An 11 hour flight is no problem at that age, people do that and longer, countless times a day.

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/04/2025 19:49

Gustavo77 · 07/04/2025 19:44

You're his mother and that takes priority over going on a jolly. Either take him or don't go. An 11 hour flight is no problem at that age, people do that and longer, countless times a day.

Parents also leave their child for work, weddings, holidays etc too. It isn't unusual.

Heronwatcher · 07/04/2025 20:11

1FirstTimeMum897 · 07/04/2025 16:22

@DoubleShotEspresso it's my parents who are insisting I go!!! I cannot tell you how much they want to do it! I had said no, and told DH to go. He's already bought his ticket! My parents, DH and friends are all telling me to go. This is why I have started this thread. It's really tempting but also I'm so worried!

How long have your parents had your DC on their own before now. I’d want to trial a few days at least when you’re nearby before I committed to a week 11 hours away. What if they have a completely rose-tinted idea of how things might be and they are on their knees by day 2?

At the end of the day though however much they persuade you have to think about your child’s best interests.

YouRemindMe0fTheBabe · 07/04/2025 20:12

I looked after my nephew when he was around this age and his parents went away for a few days. He was absolutely fine. Tears when they left and a little bit upset at bedtime for the first couple of nights but he settled with lots of cuddles and reassurance. But there's no way I would have left mine for so long at the same age. I just wouldn't have felt comfortable being so far away even though I'm sure they would have been fine too. So I think you need to go with your gut and do what you feel comfortable with.

KittenPause · 07/04/2025 20:49

1FirstTimeMum897 · 07/04/2025 16:22

@DoubleShotEspresso it's my parents who are insisting I go!!! I cannot tell you how much they want to do it! I had said no, and told DH to go. He's already bought his ticket! My parents, DH and friends are all telling me to go. This is why I have started this thread. It's really tempting but also I'm so worried!

It’ll be fine

they’ll have a lovely time together bonding

it’ll be special experience for them and you and your DH at the wedding

just go and have a lovely time

KittenPause · 07/04/2025 20:52

And don’t FaceTime every 5 minutes

just let them contact you when they want and if they don’t then that means they’re settled and happy so don’t interrupt that just because you want to speak to them

it’s about making sure the DC are content with their DGP away from you

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 07/04/2025 21:54

Not at 16 months. Not both parents. Not for a week. One of those three conditions is fine, but the combination of all three is a big no from me.

Anon501178 · 07/04/2025 22:03

FanofLeaves · 07/04/2025 16:41

as a nanny I’ve looked after small children lots of times while their parents are away! They’ve all been absolutely fine and we do maybe one novelty or treat thing that they might not get to do with their parents (with their permission of course) you know, stay up a bit later for a movie night, or have a picnic at teatime under a home made den, eat lollies in the paddling pool, just something out of the ordinary. Other than that we keep to their routine. They know mummy/daddy comes back, same as when they go out to work in the morning.

in my experience what makes it worse is when the parents want to phone/facetine. For older children, they’re often not that great at phone conversation so they tend to be a bit monosyllabic or want to get on with whatever they were in the middle of doing which upsets the parents. For smaller ones they find it hard to understand why they can hear/see mummy or daddy interacting with them but they can’t get to them. It’s much easier to record a short video of you saying goodnight or reading a story and let the nanny use it as she sees fit.

Edited

I get your approach probably works well for older kids, but a 16month old who is used to having their mummy present as their primary carer, not spending all day most days with a nanny whom they probably see more than their own parents, all the novelties, games and treats in the world don't make up for missing mummy, and at that age they really don't get the concept of them coming back, especially if it's a week.