I would be an idiot to message right

[OneSparklyExpert]

had a brief relationship with a man which ended in a child being born. He cut me off and when the baby was born I messaged his mum and sister on Facebook. Mum blocked me and sister was initially interested but than went dead due to her mental health (think she had a relationship break down).
Anyway I ended by giving my email address and deleting my Facebook account.
For the last week I've had a desire to message her again. Not sure why.
Bad idea right? I've never meet her btw.

How old is the child?

Is he paying for his child?

18 months now I messaged post partnum

No CSA can't get money from him or won't. Company etc

They asked for his NI which I don't have. So they closed the case.

I'd message her. Would be different if the child was eg 8 or 9, then you'd be better talking to them about it. But at that age worst case she's not interested, best case it may start up some level of contact which could help with your DCs identity down the line having some link to dads side.

Think it depends a lot on how it ended with the communication when you stopped talking to her before maybe? Did she empirically say ‘I don’t want anymore info/talk’ or did it just drift off?

I said these are the days I'm available to meet, and got no response for 6 weeks....

Her brother blocked me and so did his mum.... So I think perhaps the family don't want to know

I'd leave it, she has your email address if she wants to reach out.

You are not being unreasonable to want to reach out to your child’s dad’s family, but I wouldn’t get your hopes up.

I think you need to get the message that none of them want to know you.

Why 2 threads?

They’ve made it clear they don’t want to be involved with your son. I would leave it.

Been with my partner decades, don’t know his NI number, surly it’s their job to find that out? I’d open another claim.

Yes ok

As angry and as sad about the situation you are he isn't going to step up and I'd protect your own mental health and child from people who don't care about there own flesh and blood. Been there and it's just heartbreak and wanting for something that he couldn't give you and neither can his family it is very sad and hard but you will be better without that added uncommitment.

Well that's what his sister said she was doing....protecting her own mental health

That's rude of her but also understanding especially if this guy in q sleeps around with multiple women getting them pregnant. There's a bigger picture you have reached out and you did that part you thought was right for you and your child my youngests I did the same and got nowhere it affected my health more than there's. Protect your self and your family from that b.s. Also I do csa and it's my NI number that I put down

That doesn’t sound right as you can claim through CMS without his NI. Try again

As for the family they are not interested so stop trying, forget about them and concentrate on your child

Do you work for CMS?

Why message her? If I was the sister I would not see any need to be in contact with you. Just leave them be and focus on your child (and sort out child maintenance from your child’s father.)

I don’t think I would message her again. His family are not interested so I wouldn’t go through the hassle of chasing them to be in your child’s life.
I would look into child maintenance again though as that doesn’t sound right.

Would you like your husband to walk away and his family not have any contact with his child

Was this man your husband? Or a man you had a fling with and whose family you do not know and have never met?

Don’t conflate the two.

The result is still a child.

You don't get to choose that