I would be an idiot to message right

[OneSparklyExpert]

had a brief relationship with a man which ended in a child being born. He cut me off and when the baby was born I messaged his mum and sister on Facebook. Mum blocked me and sister was initially interested but than went dead due to her mental health (think she had a relationship break down).
Anyway I ended by giving my email address and deleting my Facebook account.
For the last week I've had a desire to message her again. Not sure why.
Bad idea right? I've never meet her btw.

How old are you? You're behaving like a spurned teenager.

His sister and family owe you nothing at all. He owes support to his child but you don't seem to have mastered the basics of getting that sorted out, and instead you're obsessing over getting some bizarre revenge in which, what, his sister sees some photos of his one night stand kid and stages some dramatic intervention that means his mother changes her mind too, and his whole family end up on your side? Or he sees the light? You're nursing a fantasy.

His family are able to contact you if they change their minds. As someone above said, by all means send a single, neutral message and if and when she fails to reply, take the bloody hint and let it go. You're a single parent. You chose to keep the kid and now you're on your own. It's rough, but going round and round in circles as you are here, ignoring all the advice you don't like the sound of, is getting you nowhere.

All very sad that a baby has been born in these circumstances and I hope you and your baby are getting some support. Do you have any support from your family? As hard as it is, it speaks volumes that his mum and brother have blocked you. It might cost you more emotionally if you pursue contact with his sister. Sending you strength to build a future that is good for you and your baby

I don’t know if you should message - I think I’m leaning towards yes but protect yourself emotionally from her/them letting you down further. However the closure of your case by the CMS is a fucking scandal. Time and time again it makes my blood boil!!!!

Sorry OP, but you sound like trouble on a stick, I'm not surprised this woman is being cautious.

You sound weirdly aggressive and hard work so I'm not surprised that after a couple of messages she went very quiet.

Yes and then she changed her mind. She hasn't been in contact with you for some time. That tells you all you need to know. Why do you want to contact her? What do you hope will happen?

My best friend is in a very similar situation and keeps trying and trying. Her baby recently turned 1. Her ex is still an arse and his mother and brother are still cold and uninterested. It's making her so unhappy. I've recently told her that the three will never truly care for Baby, never be the extended family Baby needs, and that she must concentrate on fostering relations between Baby and those of us who do care for the two of them.

Just ignore those niggling whispers. Your ex's sister doesn't want to hear from you, and her family has made it clear they don't want to either.

However, definitely look into making another claim. It seems absolutely impossible that they can't/won't help you with your ex's NI number.

Good luck xx

Engaged doesn't really mean anything.

And yet here you are
preoccupied with another man
you are either someone who positively pursues drama or
you hanker after this man
no doubt… both

Certainly not in this case

This mother and sister sound very sensible.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5309710-why-do-i-have-an-intense-feeling-to-message-his-family?reply=143362482

hoping for different answers op?

It sounds as if the sister has just changed her mind, either on her own account or because her brother and mother asked her to stay clear. Did you ever meet her before the break up?

In any event, she knows how to get in touch with you but she is choosing not to do so. You could send her a quick message, asking how she is and asking her if she would like a picture of the baby. You are no worse off than you are now if she doesn't respond.

But I would be very very honest about your own motivation in wanting to be in touch with her. Ask yourself if there is a part of you that is hoping she will act as your advocate to her brother, show him the picture of the baby and tell him what he is missing.

If there is a part of you that hopes for this, then you must prepare yourself for disappointment, prepare yourself for another rejection. I say another because the man has rejected you and it also looks as if the sister may have done the same.

So, do think carefully about what you hope for and how you will deal with being let down again.

Hi @OneSparklyExpert. I’m sorry that your child’s father wants nothing to do with him/her. It must be a tough feeling.

However, I don’t think you should message his sister. Or anyone from the family. I don’t think anything good will come of it. They don’t sound like the nicest or welcoming of people. Your child will probably be much better off without them in their life. Blood isn’t always as thicker than water.

When you feel an intense feeling to message any of his family (as you’ve said in your other thread) distract yourself with something else.

You’ve got to accept that sadly, these people want nothing to do with your child. It’s an awful feeling, but you need to accept it and save your dignity.

Do you have friends and family you can talk to about this in real life?

How would they expect you to have his national insurance number? That really doesn't sound right at all. So nobody can get maintenance unless they know the national insurance number of someone they had sex with?

What do you want in the end. I have a feeling that I they every get back in touch they will bring so much pain and drama you will regret getting them in your life. If you have a supportive family or cache of friends, lean on them. You will get stronger and they will be your shoulders. He isn't worth it. I do understand that for identity issues etc or even a dream of a real relationship you may want to be in touch. For your kid to know his other half of family. But sadly they don't want him or her. And they may get in her life then skip again causing more damage. Think carefully and write down honestly what you want then the pros and cons

Wait stop. Before you stick that in, what's your national insurance number? Let me get a pen and a paper.

Sorry couldn't help where my mind wondered.

What do you want to achieve by messaging?

Do you want them and him in your child's life?

Are you prepared to share your child with them, if he wants access or custody?

Have you thought about the negative impact this could have on your life?

What does your fiance think about this?

Personally I'd be glad the father is not involved, if he is rejecting his child and you so completely, and also his mother is. Maybe he had/has a relationship and he's protecting that?

Either way, you can't force him. You presumably know his first and second name and something of where he lives. Is he on the birth certificate?

It is their loss and I think/ hope you will come to understand that it is better you have your child to yourself. You have a fiance. This is your family. You, your baby, your fiance. That needs to be enough. It is everything. That guy and his mum/sister are not. Forget them, let go.

It doesn't matter what the sister said. She is having mental health issues and is not contacting you. Leave her alone.

You had a kid with a deadbeat. His family has made it plain they're not going to be involved and you can't force them to be. Go on from there.

It's not his mum's baby. It's not his sister's baby.

No but when I claimed it they didn’t ask me for his NI number

Sounds like he didn't want to have a baby with you and has been clear that you'd be going it alone.

If youre engaged, its good time to make a fresh start.

Yes you would be an idiot @OneSparklyExpert . Simple as.

You don’t want to meet them, do you want them to meet your child? Are you happy to let strangers take your child?
Or are you wanting to as you said share pics with them and remind them your child still exists?
If your child is 18 months old and his dad and family have shown none/little interest in a relationship with the child, why are you chasing them, they don’t care….. why would you want people in your child’s life like that?

edited to add I think the poster suggested health as an opening because the sister took a step back because of her mental health