DD friend is a furry/therian. Trying to encourage (strongly) my DD to be the same.

[Sockmate123]

What would you do in this situation? Child in class is 'recruiting' other children (mainly very quiet children) to be furries. She says she is a therian and presents as a wolf. School has banned her wearing wolf items to school but she still does on party days/world book day/non uniform etc
Parents seem to do littke about it
Quite older parents. Children are 10. My DD has so far not engaged but likes the child involved but is being pressured. It was her birthday recently and friend bought her a tail 🙄

I think this is completely weird. Child digs holes at lunch time, barks at people etc cute/acceptable up until age 5 or 6 but not girls that are on the cusp of puberty!

AIBU?
Yes- she's only a kid, will spon grow out of it.
No - its weird, school and parents should do more to address it

@Roxietrees if they think the child is vulnerable teachers may log concerns, doesn’t matter how much the parents may love their child

I don't know if you've misread the post, but that's not what's happening here.

I still don't understand. Why does this make you angry?

I don't know if you've misread the post, but that's not what's happening here

I think this is completely weird. Child digs holes at lunch time, barks at people etc cute/acceptable up until age 5 or 6 but not girls that are on the cusp of puberty! i didn't misread this!

i wrote about my expierence of working with children who have been allowed to pretend they are animals. If I had a child who did this at around 10 years old I would strongly discourage it.

If anyone actually bothered to look into it, therians don’t identify as an animal and live full time as the animal anyway. They think it’s like a spirit or something. sometimes they shift to the animal and play as it.

the way it’s been described to me sounds no different to all the pp who said they played horses or whatever at lunch. I personally spent 2 years convinced I was a fairy and had magic powers. I read a lot of Enid blyton.

I teach lots of therians, and in the class room they are normal somewhat quirky neurodivergent kids. Definitely not actually like animals all day in school.

I feel like I've explained that pretty well, twice. So...

I don’t get it either. Doesn’t seem to be any evidence that they are causing harm to themselves or others? You just think it’s weird? Why does that make you so angry, ? People are weird! All the best ones are anyway:

Yes, you were talking about someone who only miaows at a teacher and doesn't otherwise speak. That is not the case being described in this thread. HTH.

No, you've explained what you are angry about, not why it makes you angry.

"I'm angry that people can by skimmed milk in the shops"

"Why?"

"BECAUSE THEY CAN BUY WHATEVER MILK THEY LIKE TO DRINK, IT'S WEIRD"

That's the vibe you're giving. Why does it anger you that people can drink skimmed milk, or that a 10 year old pretends to be a wolf?

In even simpler terms: You are angry about a child pretending to be an animal (which you feel is odd), but I am asking why a kid being a bit different would make you angry?

In this instance the child’s family life has trauma in it and she is possibly living in her fantasy world of being a wolf to ignore this trauma, and if people are just seeing this is as a game they are not giving her the help she (and her family) may need. It also leaves this child vulnerable to others.

Cool, we should probably work really hard to take her coping mechanism away. That sounds right.

@DeskJotter so do you think therapists should just tell people to dress up in a wolf costume and then go away and all will be well.

I don't know why you think a therapist would try to talk a child out of a harmless coping mechanism, or indeed out of enjoyable play.

@DeskJotter I'm talking generally. So any trauma can be dealt with by dressing up as wolf and nothing else. If we just treat this child as playing a game without looking at/checking any underlying issue how is this actually helping the her. Someone needs to understand why she needs this coping mechanism, not just say 'it's a game, she is fine'

A freinds dd, same age, also obsessed with wolves and makes masks/wears tails etc, also describes herself as therian, I wondered if they were the same child. I'm not sure 10 year olds understand the broader context of furries etc, it just seems to be very intense make believe to them, which i don't find particularly weird. I remember being intensely into make believe at the same age, we just didn't label it. Most kids outgrow this, possibly more creative? Possibly ND?

This is almost certainly a neurodiverse kid. Neurodiversity doesn't alarm and shock psychologists, it a normal part of life. Lots of ND kids and adults develop coping mechanisms to manage in the world. HTH.

And to reassure you: a child pretending to be a wolf or identifying as one at break time wouldn't trigger safeguarding concerns, especially as this behaviour is not new. I hope your mind is at rest now and you can enjoy your day without worrying about what this or any other ND kid is playing during break time.

@DeskJotter her father attempting suicide and having MH issues might though. And this isn’t just at break times. If the child had her way she would be dressing up as a wolf all the time at school. She continues the behaviour outside school too.

Do you think she is going to 'infect' your daughter with a trans virus? 😂
Also amazing knowledge to be able to diagnose her as not ND from your armchair thanks to your in depth 'expertise'. Maybe contact the NHS- they need more stuff, and you could diagnose or not just looking at them.

She has been pretending to be a wolf for five years, this is not a new behaviour since her father's suicide attempt. HTH.

This is not bloody normal and should be discouraged.

I think the first post has it, a talk with your daughter would be the best idea. I do think it could still just be play at this stage, but the girl voicing reasoning such as 'theorian' is concerning as a context for this. As a teacher it would annoy concern me when any child will refuse to answer questions from adults except for meowing back (have been aware of a pupil that 'thought she was a cat', but fortunately didn't teach her). Perhaps a chat about actual real life boundaries might be beneficial as you might about any expected/unexpected behaviour.

Harmless cosplaying (within limits) is fine. Imaginative play is good for kids. I would not give any energy or attention to the "identifying as" stuff kids go through phases and it's trendy for kids to "identify as" something other than what they are these days. Obviously not talking about the rare condition that is gender dysphoria, the real kind that would once have met diagnostic criteria and led to severe distress. That is not common and it needs help. The rest of it will usually either pass or is just something that's best not taken notice of .

My concern here would be that the Op's DD isn't made to feel pressured into doing anything she is uncomfortable with , some kids scan be quite intense and forceful with their friends, and it's important that DD doesn't feel she has to go along with anything she isn't into.

Why?

The fact you need to ask this is astounding.