DD friend is a furry/therian. Trying to encourage (strongly) my DD to be the same.

[Sockmate123]

What would you do in this situation? Child in class is 'recruiting' other children (mainly very quiet children) to be furries. She says she is a therian and presents as a wolf. School has banned her wearing wolf items to school but she still does on party days/world book day/non uniform etc
Parents seem to do littke about it
Quite older parents. Children are 10. My DD has so far not engaged but likes the child involved but is being pressured. It was her birthday recently and friend bought her a tail 🙄

I think this is completely weird. Child digs holes at lunch time, barks at people etc cute/acceptable up until age 5 or 6 but not girls that are on the cusp of puberty!

AIBU?
Yes- she's only a kid, will spon grow out of it.
No - its weird, school and parents should do more to address it

@whippy1981 you sound very angry, think you need to chill a bit. Although responses to your post are also kinda ridiculous. Pretty sure you didn’t actually mean you’d treat a kid like a dog for 2 days? (Or did you?) rather just threaten to to make them see that really identifying as a wolf includes the uncomfortable bits that she probably doesn’t actually really want to do? Ah it could backfire and she could start shitting in the garden and sleeping under a tree!

Angry? Nope I am not angry I am chilled and sitting out with a coffee. I'm just replying to people in the same manner they speak to me. There is no anger here! More laughter at how ridiculous people are!

Nobody mentioned carrots and butternut squash. Are you hallucinating?

Oh that tactic! Says a hell of a lot about you now you are trying that one!

Agreed, and forcing your child to go to the toilet in the garden and sleep on the ground would also be serious bullying and child abuse.

The threat is bullying. Threatening a child to bully them into dropping a completely harmless behaviour is child abuse. Do you really disagree with this?

I’m also v confused- when I heard dog food I didn’t think of veg and peanut butter .., I thought that was human food 😂😂😂

Can’t stop laughing at this thread

Me too 🤣 it has become ridiculous

I dunno, people who were supportive of her identity wouldn’t see it as bullying, they’d see it as supporting her true wolf inside! 🐺

But no that’s not what I’d do if it was my kid I don’t think, but who knows what anyone would do in that situation - what if the parents have seen child psychologists, the kid’s had therapy, they’ve tried rejecting it, they’ve tried embracing it, they’ve literally tried everything and nothing’s worked? - they’ve been dealing with it for 5 years after all. Maybe it’d be a last resort. Point is, after 5 years of your kid being a wolf I imagine you’d be at your wits end and willing to try anything

It's a really stupid silly behaviour and needs to be nipped in the bud ASAP

I'd say this sort of behaviour is fairly common amongst primary school children, and always has been. We just didn't have a name for it in the pre-internet years.

I remember in my own primary school, there was a girl who spent every single break and lunch time for years pretending to be either a horse or a dolphin. I occasionally joined in, as I liked animals and had a good imagination.

Last I heard, she's happily married with two kids.

Kinda tired of all these posters that keep saying it’s just playing. I’m not necessarily saying it’s harmful or needs to be nipped in the bud but it’s also obvious from the OP that it’s a lot more than just pretend play. My DD (much younger than 10) often “becomes” a cat for about 10 mins and starts crawling round the floor and only responding to questions with a miow but the minute I say something like right we’re going to the park or do you want an ice cream? She snaps out of it and “becomes” human again, much like I’m sure the kids at primary schools who pretend to be horses at playtime don’t “identify” as a horse for 5 straight years!

Why? What harm is it causing?

But she's not pretended to be a wolf for five years straight. She obviously attends school, speaks, answers questions, writes, talks to her friends. So she has pretended to be a wolf lots of times for a period of five years, but otherwise it sounds exactly like what you are describing. Slipping in and out of an "identity".

I think it’s the 5 years that’s problematic. That’s a long time, even on and off to “be” any animal or other identity. 5 years is more than just a phase. Hence in a PP I said maybe she is a furry and will grow up to be a furry, she just found her identity earlier than most furries. And as I also said in a PP if that’s the case she’ll probably turn out to be a totally normal woman with an unusual hobby and maybe now she’s just learning what the appropriate boundaries for that hobby are

Honestly I cannot get so upset about a kid pretending to be an animal. It's developmentally fine to engage in imaginative play at 10.

It seems like it's the adults making it into something they don't need to. Who cares if she says she's really a wolf? It's still play.

I think she's highly unlikely to be pretending to be a wolf in a job interview at 18. Just chill out!

We agree!

Honestly I cannot get so upset about a kid pretending to be an animal. It's developmentally fine to engage in imaginative play at 10.
ok so only meowing at a teacher and refusing to speak except in meows for hours at a time and crawling on hands and knees during a lesson is perfectly acceptable then.
This is the nonsense we were dealing with at work.
iIt is not only the child that is losing out on education and positive activities but other children are being disrupted as well.

It makes me angry that these children's parents are basically letting them believe this fantasy. I think often the parents want the extra attention too, so they even encourage it.

I feel angry that nowadays the school teachers are powerless to actually call this out and criticise the parents for allowing this.

I feel sad for the child/children being allowed to carry on like this. I pity them to be honest.

If a teacher criticised my way of dealing with what is clearly a difficult issue with my child it would not go down well. It’s none of the teacher’s business how her parents parent her! By encouraging it maybe they’re just letting her express herself and being supportive, maybe they tried to ban it and their child became miserable. We don’t know and it’s none of our business. What’s important is they clearly, love, care about, and support her otherwise they wouldn’t be allowing it. Isn’t that supposed to be the most important qualities in a parent?

@Roxietrees safeguarding is very much a teacher’s business, and if they feel there maybe an issue then they need to raise a concern

Yes I know that thank you. But where’s the safeguarding concern here??

@Roxietrees I would be worried that there are issues at home and identifying as a wolf is much more than just a game to this child

Investigating potential safeguarding issues, which I’m sure teachers are trained to spot the signs for is totally different from “criticising the parents for allowing it” - whoever said that. If that’s how her parents are choosing to deal with it, as long as all her physical & emotional needs are being met and there is no abuse present, it’s really no one else’s business how they deal with it